Shot Through the Heart
by kyoukanxiety
Summary: Alexander is good at understanding himself. Usually. What he isn't good at is accepting himself. After constantly denying strong feelings, stepping away when someone starts to fall, and betraying the one he loves the most, Alexander finds himself suddenly lost and isolated. Is anything still worth fighting for? Or is it better to crawl away, wounded, and shot through the heart?
1. Alexander Hamilton

**Chapter One**

* * *

Alexander Hamilton shifted his computer bag as he squeezed in-between two large men who were carrying big, black cases. His wire-rimmed glasses threatened to slip off his nose and he pushed them back up. If they fell, they would be crushed immediately underfoot by the many pedestrians bustling about the streets in the early morning.

As Alex walked up the street to King's College, his current institute, he thought about those two men, and who lives in their life, who died, and who tells their story.

 _Their story!_

Alex almost stopped walking. _Yes, of course! Everyone has a story here. Even_ I _do._

He smiled to himself. _Yes, I have a story to tell, I suppose, even if it is one that I do not like. I wonder who else on these streets has a story much like mine._

He amused himself by looking at the innocent, boring passersby and creating stories for them. When a rather hassled-looking young woman rushed past, Alex imagined that she was escaping a screaming child, or perhaps a horrid lover.

As a stricken man stumbled past, Alex wondered if he was experiencing the shock after learning about the death of a loved one. He knew that feeling very well.

 _Stop that. Don't think about that. You live in the present, Alexander, so stop obsessing over your past._

He pushed the memories away. Alex lost himself in his thoughts of people's stories until he was unpleasantly jolted out.

"I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed as a young woman, about his age, stumbled and almost fell. "I didn't mean to crash into you!"

She straightened up and gave him a piercing glare. "Watch where you're going!" she sniffed. Her dark brown hair was a bit messy and it fell into her eyes. She pushed it away.

Alex held up his hands as an apology and made his way towards her.

"Are you okay?" he questioned. "Do you hurt?"

"Excuse me?" she asked, one eyebrow cocked.

"Um, never mind!" Alex stuttered, taken aback by her attitude. He took a pace back.

She sighed and then extended her hand. "I accept your apology. I'm Elizabeth, Elizabeth Schuyler."

Alex shook her hand and he introduced himself. "Alexander Hamilton."

Elizabeth smiled. "See you around, Alexander."

She winked and spun on her heel and marched away, glancing at him from over her shoulder.

Alex's legs turned to mush and he clutched a nearby lamppost for support. "Maybe…" he whispered.

* * *

For the rest of the morning, Alex could only think of the mysterious Elizabeth Schuyler.

 _She's around my age. She probably is in college. Maybe she's in King's. There is a possibility, even though I've never seen her before. I mean, it's only September, and the school year just started a couple of weeks ago._

Alex took his usual notes, which ended up being twelve pages, front and back, after his two morning lectures. The only difference was that he couldn't recall what exactly the lessons were about. Cursing himself silently, Alex used his free hour reviewing his notes, which actually helped a lot.

After throwing himself vigorously into his afternoon classes, Alex was completely worn out. He was just about to exit campus when he saw her.

 _Elizabeth Schuyler!_

She was talking to two girls, one a bit shorter than her, one a bit taller.

Alexander rushed towards her and he called out her name. "Elizabeth!"

Elizabeth turned around, started, but relaxed and smiled as soon as she saw who had yelled out her name from the other side of the campus.

"Hey, Alexander," she greeted a panting Hamilton, "I wondered when you would realize that we went to the same college."

Alex blinked. "You knew? And you can call me Alex."

Elizabeth smiled. "Yes, Alex, I knew. I saw you around once or twice."

"Elizabeth, why didn't you tell me this morning?" Alex demanded.

She shrugged. "It was kind of irrelevant to the conversation."

One of the girls, the taller one, said, "Eliza, we ought to get going. We'll miss the bus to the concert if we wait any longer."

Elizabeth glanced at her. "Okay, Angelica." she conceded.

"And plus, Daddy said to be home by sun-down!" the shorter one squeaked, pouting.

"Yes, Peggy, I know." Elizabeth said soothingly.

Alex shifted from foot-to-foot, unsure of what to say.

"Um…" he said, "I guess-"

Elizabeth clapped her hands to her forehead. "Of course!" she exclaimed.

Alexander was startled.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't introduce you guys! I'm so rude!" she said.

"No, it's okay," Alex reassured her.

"Well, Alex, these are my sisters, Peggy and Angelica. Angelica, Peggy, this is Alexander Hamilton. We ran into each other this morning. Literally."

The sisters smiled at Alex. He smiled back.

"We really need to gooo!" Peggy whined suddenly, tugging at Elizabeth's sleeve.

"Okay, Peg." Elizabeth said, patting her sister's head.

Peggy hissed like a cat and drew away. "No head-patting!" she growled.

Alexander, Elizabeth, and Angelica laughed. Elizabeth swept a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled at Alex. Alexander smiled shyly back.

"Well, see you around!" Elizabeth said cheerfully.

"Good-bye, Elizabeth!" Alexander called as the sisters walked away.

"Call me Eliza!" Elizabeth called back. She waved, and Alex waved back.

"Good-bye, Eliza!" Alexander hollered.

She smiled at him over her her shoulder. Alex turned away and started the long trek back to his apartment.

* * *

Alex worked late into the night. When the final sentence was added to his essay, only then did he stop to take a break. Alex stood up and stretched, looking around at his small, dingy apartment.

There was one rickety, old table and chair, a threadbare mattress and three old blankets, a couch that was leaking stuffing, and a small and slightly dysfunctional bathroom. There wasn't much choice; Alex was very poor and this was the only apartment room that he could afford.

Sure, he managed to get by, but he used all of his free time doing odd jobs and working behind the counter at his favorite coffee shop to earn money. The full academic scholarship covered his school tuition, so he didn't need to worry about paying off student loans and such.

He was grateful.

Alex, famished and exhausted, curled up on the mattress and fell fast asleep.

* * *

"Hey, Peggy!"

Alex was running up the street, chasing a small head full of dark, curly hair.

"PEGGY!"

Peggy finally heard Alex and turned around, her face lighting up in a grin.

"Hey, Eliza, look, it's that Alex boy!" she called.

Eliza appeared next to Peggy's side and laughed.

"Hello, Alex!" she greeted him as he rushed up to her.

"Hey, Eliza! Hey, Peggy!" Alex greeted the sisters.

"Aren't you goin' to school?" Peggy asked innocently and sweetly, her dark eyes wide.

"Yeah, it's Thursday." replied Alex, a bit thrown-off by her question.

 _Of course I'm going to school! She knows I go to the same school as Eliza. Isn't that obvious?_

Alex came to the conclusion that Peggy was either just messing with him or she wasn't very bright. Alex, attempting to be a nice person, chose to believe the first option.

"Stop messing with me," he scolded, and was rewarded with a bright white smile.

 _I guess she_ was _just messing with me…_

Eliza cleared her throat.

"Hey, you two, hurry on up! Don't forget that we have school!"

Peggy giggled and snatched Alexander's hand before he could protest, and dragged him up the street.

When they approached the Martin Luther King Jr. high school, Peggy relinquished her hold on Alex's hand and waved good-bye.

"Bye you guys!" she called.

"Wait," Alex said, "I thought Peggy went to King's!"

"No," Eliza laughed. "She's a grade lower than I am."

They continued walking up the street.

"I saw her on campus yesterday." Alex frowned.

Eliza smiled. "That doesn't mean she attends the school. She was meeting us near the statue of old King Georgie so we could catch the bus and see a concert together."

Alexander nodded. "Yes, you're right, and I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions."

"No," Eliza agreed. "You probably shouldn't."

They smiled at each other and for the first time, Alex realized that Eliza was actually very pretty.

* * *

"Today, you will be working on a partner-project. I already have preassigned partners, so don't get too excited, Jefferson."

The last sentence was aimed at Thomas Jefferson, an annoying prat of a college student whose IQ was aggravatingly close to Alexander's. Thomas was grinning and waving towards James Maddison, a shy and sickly sort of boy. Alex had no idea why they were friends, but he had concluded long ago that both society and its standards were strange.

"So," Mr. Woodruff resumed, "I will be reading off the partners. Don't move until I say so, and you will have the rest of the period to work on it."

Alex waited patiently for Mr. Woodruff to read off his and his partner's names. Finally, after what seemed like years, Mr. Woodruff said, "Alexander Hamilton and Hercules Mulligan."

 _Hercules Mulligan!_

The name sounded familiar, though Alex was certain that he had never met its owner.

After the last two people were partnered off ("Maria Reynolds and Charles Lee."), Mr. Woodruff gave them permission to stand up and find their partners.

Alex stood up, wondering how he would manage to find his partner in this mess. It looked like a sea of people, swimming around desks and chairs, occasionally crashing into things such as stools and handrails and walls.

He wandered around, asking strangers if they were Hercules Mulligan for probably a good ten minutes before he heard someone below his name.

"WHERE IS ALEXANDER HAMILTON?"

Alex paused, amused, and considered yelling back.

"OVER HERE!" Alex called over the mass of students.

The crowd parted and a large, dark-skinned boy pushed his way towards Alex. He had a dark green beanie on. He grinned when he caught Alex's eye and for some reason, Alex smiled back.

"Hey, are you Alexander Hamilton?" he asked in a low, gravely voice.

"Call me Alex. I assume you're Hercules Mulligan?" Alex replied.

"Yeah, that's me alright." he said, his eyes twinkling.

"You know, for some reason, your name seems familiar to me. I'm not sure, but for some reason, I think of turtleneck sweaters when I hear your name…"

Alex thought Hercules might have blushed.

"Oh," he said. "That's, um, because of- uh, I mean, that's odd." Hercules swallowed nervously.

Alex grinned. "What are you hiding?"

Hercules was _definitely_ blushing. "Nothing."

"Aw, come on! What do you stall for? I'm not going to judge." Alex said.

"Oh, alright, but you'd better not tell anyone, nosy boy."

Alex nodded eagerly, ready to hear what he labeled as "Hercules's Secret."

"You associate my name to turtleneck sweaters because I make them. Fine. There. Happy?" Hercules muttered, his eyes determinedly fixed on the floor.

"What did you mean when you said you _made_ them?" Alex questioned.

"I, argh, alright, I'm a freaking tailor's apprentice! I own a brand of turtleneck sweaters!" Hercules said.

Alexander laughed. "Oh, so that's why I-"

"Yeah, yeah, wow, amazing." Hercules cut Alexander off, his eyes darting nervously around. "Just keep quiet, nosy boy, I don't want anyone finding out."

"Why?" Alexander asked. "There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Yes there is!" Hercules insisted. "Boy, other people would judge me if they found out I spend my spare time sewing clothes! It's a _girly_ interest, Alex, and I'd rather keep it hushed up."

Alex looked curiously at Hercules, whose ears were bright red by now. He wondered what it would be like if he was really passionate about something, but had to keep it a secret because society would judge him if it knew that he liked it.

Hercules cleared his throat, evidently uncomfortable, and suggested that they start working. Alex quickly agreed. They worked and talked the whole rest of the class, and there was not another single mention about Hercules's hidden passion for sewing clothes.

* * *

"Hey, since we didn't finish this project, you you want to come over to my dorm and finish it?" Hercules was walking out of class with Alex.

"Sure," Alex replied. "When should I come over?"

"Right after school would be fine, if you don't have anything planned." Hercules rumbled. "I'll write down my address, just wait a second…"

Alex accepted the scrap of parchment and hurried off to his next class, wondering whether he had just made a new friend or not.

* * *

 **Hey, y'all! It's me, the author! *gasp* I** _ **know**_ **I said there would be Lams, but never fear! You'll have some pretty cute Lams later, I promise, in chapter three. :) This chapter was mostly about introducing Alexander and establishing relationships with important characters in the book. I absolutely** _ **hate**_ **fanfics when after two seconds of knowing each other, the characters become best friends, or fall in love, etc. So~ how do you like my writing style so far? If you didn't notice, I had a few very small tastes of Hamliza in the chapter, and there will be more later. Personally, I'm not a** _ **huge**_ **fan of Hamliza, but I still support it. ;)**


	2. New Friends

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Eliza and Alex walked down the street. School had just ended for the day, and it was sunny and warm with a cool breeze. The sky was a pale blue. Eliza sighed.

"The weather's beautiful today," she murmured. "I love the color of the sky."

Alexander craned his head upwards and admired the sky.

"Yes, it's beautiful," he agreed. "I would probably describe it as a pale periwinkle."

Eliza turned her head towards him and smirked. "What's the color of that building?"

Alex tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hm, probably a dull beige."

"The leaves of that tree?"

"A bright scarlet."

"That bird?"

"Midnight black."

"Her dress?"

"Whose?"

"That lady, right in front of you, Alex, look where I'm pointing!"

"Uh, champagne pink?"

"That car!"

"Rainbow tye-dye paint job with silver glitter!"

"What?"

Alex laughed as she glared at him.

"That car is definitely not rainbow and sparkly!" Eliza exclaimed.

"Yes it is!" Alex insisted as the white car turned the corner and sped out of sight.

Eliza huffed and flipped her hair, which caught Alex full in the face. He spluttered and batted the long, straight locks away.

"Why is your hair so long?" he complained.

"You're not one to speak!" she said cheekily, tugging at his ponytail. "I bet I could even french-braid that!"

"You wouldn't!" Alex said, slapping her hand away.

Eliza's eyes opened wide and she cradled her hand. "Abuse!" she screeched, feigning horror as she cringed away from him.

Alex laughed uncomfortably as several passersby gave him dirty looks. He blushed, embarrassed.

"Sorry," Eliza whispered as she drew close to him again.

"S'kay," Alex mumbled, still flushing.

"So," Eliza said, tactfully changing the subject, "I think we're getting close!"

Alex looked up. "You think?"

Eliza was helping Alex find Hercules's dorm, and they had spent the past twenty minutes roaming the city near King's College.

"Yeah, Revolution Street is just up ahead!"

Alex unfolded the parchment and read the address again.

* * *

 _53977 Revolution Street, Building B, second floor, room number 205_

* * *

"Man," Alex complained, "His handwriting _sucks_."

Eliza laughed. "At least your project's not hand-written. You get to type."

Alex smiled. "I'm _so_ sorry that Missus Stephenson-The-Twit makes you hand-write your history projects," he repeated, having said that about seven times earlier that day.

Eliza grinned back at him as they approached Revolution Street. They lapsed into a comfortable silence until building 53977 was right in front of them.

"Well," Eliza said, "I guess this is where I leave you."

Alex nodded. "Good-bye, Eliza. See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

Alex watched his new best friend walk away. Then he pushed open the door and entered the building.

* * *

Alex had no trouble finding Hercules's dorm room. Alex knocked, and he counted only to ten before the door was thrown open.

Alex was taken aback by a tall, handsome youth that was definitely _not_ Hercules.

"Qui êtes-vous, mon ami?" he asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Er, what?" Alexander squeaked, suddenly feeling intimidated and very small.

"Who are you, my friend?" he repeated in English, but with a French accent.

"I'm Alexander Hamilton." Alex said.

"I'm Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette, Marquis de Lafayette," he said.

"Um." Alex was a bit taken aback.

Marie-Joseph Von Whatever tipped his head back and laughed. His toffee-colored skin gleamed in the afternoon light that streamed through a window behind him.

"You can just call me Lafayette." he said, winking.

"Ah, okay."

"I have not invited anyone over, so I assume that you have come for Hercules? Mulligan?"

"Uh, yeah, but I really haven't 'come for' him, I just-"

Alex didn't get to finish because as soon as he confirmed what Lafayette thought, he was interrupted by a loud screech.

"HEY MULLIGAN, GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE! THERE IS AN ALEXANDER HAMILTON AT THE DOOR WAITING FOR YOU! DÉPÊCHEZ-VOUS!"

Alexander stared at Lafayette in wonder. A harassed-looking Hercules skidded to a stop in front of the door.

"Jesus, Lafayette, you don't need to scream that loudly!" Hercules panted.

"Yes I do." Lafayette said sweetly, batting his eyelashes at Hercules.

"Okay, fine, but go away now!" Hercules said gruffly, blushing.

"Vous êtes très grossier, mon ami," Lafayette sighed, rolling his eyes and putting a hand up to his chest. He smirked and stepped around Hercules, still muttering to himself in French.

"Well, come on in." Hercules said, waving Alex inside.

Alex stepped in, and was delighted to find that the room was clean and barely messy, and it smelled fresh.

 _Perfect working conditions!_

* * *

"Hey, Hercules, I think this website's reliable."

Hercules walked over from his computer and squinted at Alex's laptop screen. He mouthed the web address to himself and Alex let him scroll through the website. They had been working for three-and-a-half hours nonstop, and Lafayette had dubbed Alexander as a "workaholic".

"Mon ami, Hercules can work about twenty minutes nonstop." said Lafayette. "I can work maybe ten."

"No, that's not true." Hercules said. "Remember last winter when you studied for fifteen minutes straight?"

Lafayette scratched his head and finished tying up his wavy, black hair before he answered, apparently thinking hard.

"Non, ami, I think it was ten."

"Naw, it was fifteen, I swear," said Hercules generously.

Lafayette laughed and threw his arm around Hercules, who went scarlet.

"Tu es très mignon," he giggled.

"What?" Hercules said. "I'm sorry, man, but you know that I don't understand French."

Now it was Lafayette's turn to go a little pink, but perhaps Alex was just imagining it.

"I say, 'thank you, my friend.'" Lafayette said.

"I promise." he added on unnecessarily, shaking back his hair. It was at least as long, if not longer, than Alex's.

"You're annoying." Hercules muttered.

"Oui," Lafayette agreed.

* * *

An hour later, Alex stood up and announced, "I think we're done with the rough draft."

" _Rough draft?!"_ Hercules gaped.

"Yes, Herc, the rough draft." Alex said. "I think we'll take a ten-minute break, and then finalize and submit it."

"No," Hercules moaned. "It's perfect already!"

"No it isn't," Alex said. "It's only perfect unless I say so."

Hercules sighed and rubbed his eyes. He smiled.

"Tell you what, boy, how about you come back tomorrow and we can finalize it then."

Alex pursed his lips, thinking. Tomorrow was Friday.

"Sure," Alex said. "Why not?"

"Alexander, you can come over at five," Lafayette interjected, sticking his head into the room. "We have something planned right after school."

"That's fine with me." Alex said, nodding.

 _I have time to go to Padoca after school. I haven't been there for the past two days!_

Padoca was Alex's absolute favorite coffee shop.

 _If heaven existed on Earth, it would be in that amazing coffee shop._

"Well, I'd better get going," Alex said.

"Wait!" Lafayette said. "Will you stay for dinner?"

Alex suddenly realized how hungry he was. He was so poor, he often ate only one or two small meals per day. Sometimes, he had nothing to eat.

Alex could smell a delicious aroma of potatoes, meat, and spices. He hesitated, thinking about all the work that he still had to do. Lafayette could see the indecision in Alex's eyes and decided to make the decision for him.

"You're staying." Lafayette said firmly.

"You haven't lived until you try some of Lafayette's potato-ham hash," Hercules added.

Alex relaxed and shrugged, grinning.

"Why not?"

* * *

Alex was back in his small apartment, will a full stomach and an active mind. He was adding the final touches on his English essay when he heard his cell phone ping three times.

Alex picked up his cell, expecting the texts to be from Aaron Burr, asking for his insights on tonight's English homework in exchange for some free advice.

They not from Aaron.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** Hey alex, its me, eliza.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** Burr says he gave me your number.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** hope he didn't give me a random one.

 _Eliza!_

Alex was suddenly grinning like an idiot, happy all of the sudden. He started texting.

 **My_Shot:** Hi Eliza, it is indeed me, Alex.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** Hee hee, youre talking weirdly.

 **My_Shot:** No I am not.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** yes! Youre all formal lol.

 **My_Shot:** And you're extremely informal.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** GuEsS sO

 **My_Shot:** Please don't.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** ;)

 **My_Shot:** It's late, Eliza, and I'd better get off to bed.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** Nights

 **My_Shot:** See you tomorrow!

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** Wanna walk to school together?

 **My_Shot:** Sure, that would be nice. Meet you in front of the apothecary shop at 7:00am tomorrow morning?

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** see you there! Nights!

 **My_Shot:** Good-night.

Alexander turned off his phone and smiled. He rolled over and almost immediately fell asleep.

* * *

 **Hehe, I told you guys! No Lams until chapter three! If you're wondering what Lafayette was saying in French, go to the nasty Google Translator and search it up! (Or whatever you do in Google Translate.) I would really appreciate it if you guys would leave reviews! I'll try to update as often as I can, which might be once a day, once a week, or once a month, but I WILL UPLOAD BeCaUsE LAMS IS MY OTP SHIP!**


	3. Paint and Laughter

**Chapter Three**

* * *

Alexander smiled at the man behind the counter as he thanked him politely. Alex grabbed his mug of coffee mocha and sat down at his usual seat, right next to the window. Alex opened his laptop and began typing away with gusto as he tackled his new assignments.

According to his computer, it was 3:30, so he had about an hour to try and finish up as much as he could before heading over to Herc's.

Earlier that day, Alex tripped over someone who was bending down to tie his shoe. Alex apologized for his clumsiness and the kid his waved him away with an attempted airy hand, saying that it was alright. Alex didn't notice the blush creeping up on the freckled face of the boy.

After thirty minutes, Alex looked up to give his eyes a break from the bright screen. He noticed a beautiful painting on the opposite wall that he didn't aver remember seeing. Alex stood up and walked closer to get a better look at it.

It was a beautiful landscape painting, which showed green cliffs, and a blue-green sea. White seagulls soared around the cliffs while d turtle rested on the shore. Soft, white clouds framed a brilliant red sun as it set behind the ocean. The sky was streaked with soft pastel reds, oranges, yellows, blues, and purples.

Alex stared in wonder at the water-color paint, and he felt his eyes begin to water and fill with tears.

 _This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life._

The painting seemed to tell him that one day, things would be better, one day, things would work out, and the world was a beautiful place, really, he just needed to believe.

When Alexander finally managed to tear his eyes away from the painting, it was already 4:30.

 _So much for getting that work done._

* * *

Mulligan grinned toothily at Alex as he pulled the door open.

"About time, you skrub!"

Alex smiled somewhat wearily and stepped inside. His eyes were immediately drawn to a beautiful landscape painting.

"Guys, w-where did you get that painting?!" Alex gasped. It was the same drawing that Alex was admiring in the coffee shop.

"Ah," Lafayette said. "A good friend of ours painted it. His name is John Laurens. You know him?"

Alex shook his head, certain that he had never met this "John Laurens" before.

 _I think._

"I can take you to his room so you can meet him, if you like." Lafayette offered.

"Uh," said Alex.

 _I actually would really like to meet this John Laurens, and I really want to praise his work and tell him what a genius he is. But I really need to finish this project. It's almost two-hundred points!_

"Maybe later," Alex said. "I'm going to have in insist that we finish the-almost-two-hundred-point project."

Hercules groaned good-naturedly as Lafayette muttered, "Il est un travail et pas de jeu. Jésus, ce gamin est fou."

"When you say you'll come over to work, you actually mean work," Hercules complained. "Never invite me to a study session. Ever."

"I can't promise that…" Alex said mischievously. "Maybe I'll invite you too, Lafayette!"

"Alex, NO!" Hercules and Lafayette shouted at the same time.

Alex chuckled and motioned Hercules over.

"Come on, it'll be quick. Thirty minutes, tops."

"Thank GOD." Hercules sighed.

"Dieu merci." Lafayette echoed.

* * *

As Alex predicted, it only took them about twenty-five minutes to finalize and submit their project.

"I'm almost sad to see it go," Hercules said. "I was starting to grow fond of it."

Alex snorted and Lafayette rolled his eyes.

"You're crazy," Lafayette said. "Both of you."

"CRAZY PERSON HIGH-FIVE!" Hercules bellowed, holding out a hand.

Alex slapped it enthusiastically.

A few seconds later, knock sounded on the door.

Lafayette raised his eyebrows at Hercules and Alex before swiftly opening the door.

He paused before saying, "Why, pardon me, aren't you Aaron Burr? Sir?"

"Yes I am, and I believe that you are Marquis de Lafayette."

Lafayette nodded. "Yes, I do believe that I am Marquis de Lafayette, tu merde."

"Excuse me?"

Alex shoved Lafayette away from the door.

"Aha, hey, Aaron! Don't mind Lafayette."

"Hello Alexander. Can I ask you a favor?"

"Why sure, Aaron. What is it?"

"Please tell your loud friend to shut the hell up."

Pause.

"Okay, Burr."

Aaron smiled wanly. "Thank you."

He turned to leave.

"Hey, Burr, can I offer you some free advice?"

Aaron turned around.

"Talk less," Alex advised. "Smile more."

Hercules poked his head around and snickered. "Don't let them know what you're against-"

"Or what you're for." Lafayette butted in.

Aaron sighed. "You can't be serious."

"You want to get ahead," Alex reminded him.

Aaron directed his next words at Hercules. "Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead."

And with a mocking bow, he turned and strode off down the hallway. Lafayette deliberately slammed the door as hard as he could. Hercules threw himself onto the floor and started howling with laughter, beating his fists on the shiny wood. Soon, Lafayette and Alex were laughing too. Alex laughed so much, his chest started to hurt.

"That-was-AMAZING!" Hercules gasped out in-between laughs.

They laughed until they could laugh no more, and Alex still chuckled to himself as he walked home two hours later, a to-go bag stuffed with delicious cookies. When he got home, Alex decided to eat a cookie. He opened the bag, and on the top of the pile of baked goods was a slip of paper.

* * *

 _You should really visit Johnny-boy. 53977 Revolution Street, Building B, second floor, room number 206._

* * *

It was even harder to read than Hercules's.

 _Thanks, Lafayette._

* * *

It was Saturday morning, 10:21am, and Alexander had already received a total of one-hundred and seventy-one texts from Eliza.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** Hey, do you want to meet up later today? angelica says she'd like to get to know you better!

 **My_Shot:** Sure, I'd love to! Where, and what time?

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** You know Housing works bookstore cafe?

 **My_Shot:** I practically lived there when I moved to New York a few years ago.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** meet us at 11:30. Dont be late.

 **My_Shot:** I'll see you guys there.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** better start walking now, Alex.

 **My_Shot:** I'm heading out the door. See you soon.

 **Sky_is_all_around_you:** See ya!

Alex smiled to himself as he pocketed his phone. He stepped into the sunlight and smiled happily. It was starting to warm up. Alex had poked his head outside at around seven and quickly retreated back into his apartment. The cold air almost _literally_ bit his nose off.

 _I mean, it is the middle of autumn. Winter is approaching, full-speed ahead!_

Alex nearly slapped himself.

 _That was a very stupid thought. Thank you brain._

Alexander thought that his brain replied with a "you're welcome."

* * *

"Alexander!"

Alex looked up and smiled.

"Hello, Angelica," he greeted the oldest Schuyler sister. "How are you doing?"

"I'm faring well, thank you, Alexander. How about you?"

"Oh, I'm getting by alright," he said meekly, humbled by her eccentric appearance and formal and intelligent diction.

"Angie, stop intimidating him!" Eliza complained, appearing on her sister's right.

"Okay, I'm sorry." Angelica apologized.

"No, no I'm fine." Alex replied. "Really."

"Wow, hello Alex. You haven't changed a bit," Eliza said, smirking slightly.

"Eliza, you just saw me yesterday. I didn't even have time to change," said Alex.

Eliza ignored Alex's last statement (which meant that Alex had won this round) and instead grabbed Angelica's hand and pulled her along, much like Peggy did to Alex the other day.

"Come on! Let's go inside!" she exclaimed. "I really want to read all of the new books they added to their collection!"

"I heard that they added the full fourth series of Warriors to their shelves last week!" Angelica chipped in.

Eliza gasped. "You didn't tell me!"

Angelica smiled devilishly. "Actually, I never was going to tell you."

" _Angelica!"_

Alex laughed to himself as he watched Eliza semi-rage at her sister, who looked pretty helpless at this point.

 _Today is going to be a good day._

* * *

Alexander walked through the art museum, admiring all the different paintings and drawings. Every time he stumbled across an extraordinary one, he wondered to himself who the artist was. Those scribbly signatures in the lower right were illegible.

 _John, was that you who painted this?_

It was a beautiful forest, late at night, with a full moon shining through the trees and dappling the leaf-litter below.

 _John, is this one yours?_

A sky of puffy white clouds in the shape of flowers, boats, cats, houses, and diamonds.

 _John, if this isn't yours, then Jefferson's bald._

It was the sunset-cliff painting that Alex had spotted in the coffee shop and Hercules's dorm.

 _Wow, I'm seeing this painting everywhere! John must be really well-known and admired if his art is spread all around town this quickly._

* * *

After a delectable lunch at the café, Alexander decided that it was time to retire back to his apartment.

"Please, Alexander, just stay a little bit longer!" Angelica urged.

"I can't, I'm so sorry, I have so much work to do." Alexander apologized.

Eliza sighed and rolled her eyes. "Well, it was just _fabulous_ hanging out with you this morning. Really." she added, catching Alexander's eye.

"Good-bye, Eliza," Alex said.

Eliza squashed Alex into a hug, taking him by surprise.

"Bye, Alex." she whispered in his ear as she let go.

The two Schuyler sisters waved as Alexander walked away, back down the street to his apartment.

"He will never be satisfied…" Eliza whispered, and Angelica nodded, agreeing.

* * *

Alex woke up to a soft light, and drew back the curtain. A gray mass of storm clouds greeted him.

 _Oh my God. There better not be a storm, I swear, and if there is, I'll… I'll…_

Alex realized that he had curled up in a ball on the floor of his apartment. Alexander forced himself to uncurl and stand up straight. He took a few shaky steps forward before sinking down onto the lumpy couch.

 _I can't survive another storm._

Alexander wondered if John Laurens ever painted anything as beautiful but terrible as a storm.

* * *

 **Mwahahaha! I didn't put any Lams! I'm such a horrible person. :) Actually, I** _ **was**_ **going to put a Lams, but I looked at my plotline and realized that the first Lams doesn't actually happen for awhile. I think I'll make them meet the next chapter. FINALLY, JESUS. To be honest, I was tired of making Hamilton hang out with Eliza all the time, but patience, patience. I need the characters to establish a relationship before anything spicy happens. Man, I just feel like this story's going to be too short. I'm going to be sad when it's over. :,(**


	4. Hazel Eyes

**Chapter Four**

* * *

On Monday, Alexander was sitting under the big sycamore tree during the lunch hour when he noticed the boy. The boy had his back turned to him, so Alex couldn't see his face. But, Alex could see his long, poofy, soft-looking brown hair. It might have been even longer than Lafayette's!

Alex had no idea why he was staring at the poor, oblivious boy, but something about him just intrigued him. Maybe it was the way he held himself up, the way the slight breeze blew his hair, or maybe the fact that he was right in the smack-dab middle of Alex's line of sight.

"Hey, Alex. Earth to Alexander Hamilton."

Alex jerked back and refocused his gaze on Eliza's pretty face.

"Oh, uh, sorry, I just zoned out there for a second."

Eliza rolled her eyes. "I noticed."

Alex tried to find poofy-haired-boy, but he disappeared, leaving Alex bewildered and wondering if that kid actually ever existed.

* * *

The next day, Alexander nearly tripped over himself when he saw the poofy-haired kid. This time, he was close enough to notice all the freckles that dotted his face and arms. Alexander hurried away, but not before the poofy-haired boy had spotted Alex scuttle away, with a longing look in his eye.

"Ay, mon ami, what's with the look?"

John Laurens turned his head to the left, his face flushed, as Lafayette strode towards him.

"Uh, nothing. I mean, what look?" he stammered.

Lafayette smirked.

"I know that look," he said. "Now all I got to do is find that poor person, et, espérons-le, ils ne sont pas effrayants."

John flushed. "I promise, they aren't a creep! Or nasty, or bad, or ugly, or selfish, or dumb or-"

Lafayette held up a hand.

"Mon ami, I get it. You know them personally?"

"No!" John squeaked. "But I wish!"

He clapped his hands to his mouth and promptly turned a shade of bright magenta.

"Then how you know so much about them, hm?" Lafayette raised his eyebrows to emphasize the point.

"I, um, was…" John's voice trailed away.

Lafayette rolled his eyes. "Stalking, Laurens, is unhealthy. Actually going to talk to them, mon garçon, is a healthy approach. Dois-je vous rappeler ce qui s'est passé la _dernière fois?_ "

"No, please don't."

"Then go and talk to him, Laurens, et grandissez une paire!"

"Maybe," John muttered before hurrying away from Lafayette as fast as he could through the crowded courtyard.

 _Ugh, ugh, ugh! I'll never be able to talk to him now! I'm way too shy! I hate myself!_

* * *

On Wednesday, Alex slammed his computer bag down on his desk of the last class and buried his head in his arms.

 _I hate Jefferson!_

Thomas had spent the near entire morning contradicting Mr. Woodruff, and then when Alexander tried to prove Jefferson wrong, Thomas had started on _him._

* * *

"How does a _bastard_ , _orphan_ , _son of a whore_ and a _Scotsman_ , dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by Providence, impoverished, in squalor, grow up to be a 'hero' and a scholar? I mean, doesn't it seem a bit-"

"THOMAS, SHUT YOUR MOTHERF-"

"Thomas, Alexander, stop this immediately!" Mr. Woodruff had shouted. "Boys, if you don't quit this _yelling_ , this _insulting_ , all this _nonsense_ , I have no choice but to write a referral slip and send you two to the office building!"

* * *

Alex curled his fingers into the coarse fabric of his bag and refused to raise his head until Mrs. Wainwright started the lecture. Then his stomach dropped to his knees.

 _No. Way._

McFluffy (That's what Alex decided to call the fluffy-hair-freckle-kid) was sitting _right in front of him!_ Alex had to fight a strange urge to reach out and touch his curly hair.

 _Alex, stop! You can't go around touching random people's hair! That's rather rude, not to mention strange._

Alex spend the whole lecture class stealing looks at the back McFluffy's head while still taking copious notes and paying attention. Honestly, all Alex had done was find a new place to look. Instead of the teacher, he would just look at the fluffy mass of hair right in front of him.

 _God, I wish I knew his name._

* * *

On Thursday, Alexander noticed Jefferson cornering some poor boy in the back of the lecture hall. Head down, Alex was prepared to walk past unnoticed, and resume his position as a complete bystander. He had no desire to tangle with Jefferson until he noticed who the victim was.

"Jefferson!" Alex shouted.

Jefferson turned around and grinned when he saw Alex.

"Why, isn't it the bastard orphan?" he crooned.

McFluffy, who Jefferson had cornered up against a wall and a desk, shot Alexander a horrified look. His facial expression seemed to scream: " _How could he say something like that?"_ or maybe is was " _Get away while you still can!"_

"Leave that poor kid alone, Jefferson." Alex said firmly.

"Oh, and who's going to make me? Surely not you, Hamilton." Jefferson said mockingly.

"Surely yes, me." Alex spat.

"And how are you going to do that?" Jefferson laughed.

"I'm going to tell Washington." Alex said simply.

Jefferson stopped smiling at once.

"You wouldn't." he growled, his face suddenly turning ugly.

"I would." said Alex, holding his ground as Jefferson forgot all about McFluffy and instead started advancing on him.

Alex say McFluffy dart away, and sighed in relief.

 _Smart kid. I didn't even need to tell him to run. If I did, Jefferson would have probably chased him down. Now he's safe and gone without Jefferson knowing._

Jefferson was almost nose-to-nose with Alex now. Then Alexander did something extremely stupid.

Alex tweaked Jefferson's nose, yelled "GOT YOUR NOSE!" and sped away as fast as his legs could carry him.

Jefferson, bewildered, kind of just stood there. He didn't even go after Alexander.

"Stupid kid." Jefferson muttered.

* * *

Alexander didn't see McFluffy all Friday, and for some reason, that made him sad. It was kind of like expecting someone to show up at the movies or something, but they faked you out and never made an appearance.

Alex pushed the glass door open to Padoca. He turned to try and get a glimpse of The Painting, but instead he got a glimpse of McFluffy in a green turtleneck sweater..

Alex almost squeaked in surprise and nearly fell over. For some strange reason, he really didn't want McFluffy to see him. Alex was contemplating just leaving the shop and coming back later when McFluffy's eyes darted up and fastened themselves onto Alex's.

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._ Alex's heart was beating so loudly in his chest. He froze like a deer in headlights and stared stupidly back at McFluffy. His face was probably cherry-red.

McFluffy raised his eyebrows as if to say " _What is it?"_ and then turned back to his… notebook? Sketch pad? Planner?

Alex decided that there was no point in leaving as McFluffy had already seen him, and went up to the counter, his back to McFluffy, and ordered his usual. Alexander couldn't see how red his freckled face went.

* * *

"Damn, Laurens. You're an idiot," John muttered to himself as he stole a glance at Alexander's back once more. He was pretty sure that Lafayette could have fried an egg on his face.

 _Crap, he's turning around. Act natural!_

John picked up his water-color pencil and pretended to sketch something as he watched Alex walk over and take a window seat from the corner of his eye.

John and Alexander kept on sneaking glances at each other without the other one knowing. After about five minutes, Alex stood up to receive his coffee from the man at the counter and John pretended to be sketching a turtle. He was really sketching Alex.

Three minutes later, disaster struck.

* * *

John felt his phone vibrate and he wondered who could be calling. He glanced at the name and almost had a heart-attack.

 _No, no, no, no, no! Anyone but him! Anywhere but here!_

But John knew he couldn't ignore this person. His sister's safety was at stake. Who knew what _that man_ would do to poor, sickly Martha if John did not pick up the call.

John drew a long, shaky breath and trembling, he made his way outside. John picked up the phone and dreaded the next fer minutes to come.

"Hey, Dad."

* * *

Alex watched as McFluffy exit the coffee shop, phone in hand. He didn't like it how the boy's face went all pale, and how he started trembling all over. Alex thought that McFluffy was not as cute when his face looked like that. He looked traumatized and scared.

 _Cute! God, Alexander! Cute? Cute?! Pull yourself together!_

But he really couldn't. Alex knew that he was bisexual, and honestly, he really didn't mind. He never came out, as he never had anyone to come out to. He knew that he also liked boys from a young age. Alexander also knew when he liked someone or not. He understood himself pretty well, and could easily distinguish between love and lust, infatuation and a crush, crush and love…

So he knew that he did not have a crush on McFluffy. He was just intrigued by him. Definitely. Not a crush whatsoever. For some reason, Alex was relieved. Sort-of.

 _I just like_ not _having crushes._

* * *

Just then, McFluffy entered the coffee shop again, looking pained and distracted. Alex almost stood up and walked over there, out of concern, to ask him if everything was alright.

McFluffy didn't even bother to look up as he hurried out the door, which for some strange and ridiculous reason, hurt Alexander's feelings.

Just as the door swung shut, Alex noticed that McFluffy had left something behind.

 _His notebook!_

Alex ran over, swiped up the notebook, and sprinted out the door. He was just in time to see McFluffy speed away on a motorcycle.

Alex sighed and rubbed his eyes. He then opened the notebook, thinking that it might have some contact information inside the front cover. His heart nearly stopped.

 _Oh my GOD._

It was beautiful. The sketch of a blossom. A purple tulip bulb with a fuzzy honeybee balancing delicately on the stem. The next page was a swirly sea shell, with details so fine Alex probably would need a magnifying glass to study them.

Pushing up his glasses, Alex flipped through the notebook, still standing outside the coffee shop at the curb, and studied the drawings.

He turned the page and almost threw up.

 _OH MY GOD! OH MY_ FUCKING _GOD._

It was a sketch… of The Painting.

Just to be sure, Alex hurried inside Padoca and compared the two drawings. They matched almost perfectly. The only difference was that The Painting actually had color.

This notebook belonged to John Laurens.

McFluffy was freaking _John Laurens_.

 _John Laurens. I finally know who you are._

* * *

Alex curled up on his mattress. After discovering The Sketch, he immediately close the book and didn't look at any of the other last few sketches. He felt really bad, like he had invaded John's privacy.

 _I guess in some way, I kind-of did. And honestly, I really need to give this back to him. I mean, I have his address. Lafayette gave it to me._

Alex switched off the lights and tried to go to sleep. After about an hour or so of restless tossing and turning, Alex was finally able to fall into a light and patchy sleep. He dreamt of Laurens.

* * *

 _Why did I dream of John? Of all the things, my highly intelligent brain chose John. John. John Laurens. JOHN._

"Stop!" Alex said out loud. "I have to concentrate!"

It was 11:37am, Saturday morning, and Alex was attempting to finish up his literature research paper. But he _just couldn't concentrate._ Alex had a nagging feeling that if he just returned the drawing pad, he could focus again. But he didn't. He couldn't. Every time Alexander thought of finally meeting John Laurens officially, like _face-to-face_ , his stomach started churning and he broke out in a cold sweat.

 _What is happening to me?!_

The notebook sat there on his table. Alex's eyes were always drawn towards it. It sat like a beacon, and he felt like a moth on dark, moonless night. Too close, and he might burst into flame.

Finally, on Sunday evening, he just couldn't stand it anymore. Alex had finished his schoolwork over an hour ago, and he had nothing to do. He sat on his couch, his thoughts wandering towards John before he realized what was happening and reeled himself back in.

His eyes kept on drifting over to the notebook, but as soon as Alexander realized, he shut them. The drawing pad and John's face seemed to burn themselves into the underside of his eyelids.

 _Stupid Alexander! But I really can't do this anymore, and I mean, I have nothing to do… and it's only 5:00 in the afternoon…_

Before Alex could give his brain another chance to think, he stood up, swiftly grabbed the drawing notebook and walked out the door, locking it behind him. As soon as he stepped out onto the street, his almost keeled over and had to fight an impossibly huge urge to turn around and bolt back into his room.

Alex took a big breath and squeezed his eyes shut. Then, he opened them and started walking up the street, towards John Lauren's apartment room.

His brain was plagued with doubts and uncertainties, but after about forty minutes, he stood in front of John's room. He had no idea how long he had been standing there, staring at the dark wood and the brass numbers "206", all shiny and clean. Finally, tentatively, hesitantly, he knocked. Barely seconds passed before the door flew open.

And John was standing there, hazel eyes wide, hair a little damp, mouth slightly parted, and a slight blush tingeing his cheeks pink. His eyes flicked over to the notebook in Alex's hands, then back to his face. John swallowed.

"What's your name?"

"Alexander Hamilton." Pause. "My name is Alexander Hamilton."

"J-John Laurens," he stuttered, going red in the face. "Pleasure to meet you." Pause. "Please, come on in."

He shrank back a little towards the door, giving Alexander a better view of the mass of sketches and pictures that dominated the walls.

"Thank you, I think I will," Alex said confidently, swallowing his nervousness.

He stepped inside.

* * *

 **Aaaaayyyyyeeeee! SO, I FINALLY GOT THEM TO MEET! Yay! *squeals* So, I have no idea if that was an official Lams in the chapter, but I'm just going to categorize it as a very VERY small one. Or two. Or six. Just so you know, guys, the whole rest of the fanfic is literally just going to be Lams! Yay! Ugh, the first part of this was** _ **incredibly**_ **boring to write, believe it or not, and I'm soooo glad now because I GET TO WRITE LOTS OF LAMS! I'm really excited, so let's get cracking! *attempts to cracks knuckles and accidentally cracks bones instead***


	5. John Laurens

**Chapter Five**

* * *

"So," Alex said. "The other day, at the coffee shop… you remember, right?"

John nodded. "Oh, I remember, alright."

Alex failed to notice that John flushed pink.

"I, uh, saw that you, um, left this…" Alex's confident approach was beginning to fail and his doubts were beginning to show through.

John noticed this, and gently smiled. It wasn't a mean smile, or a mocking one. It was a smile that told Alexander that it was okay to be himself, he didn't have to pretend around John. Alex smiled gratefully, and shyly handed him the drawing pad.

"Here, you go." said Alex.

John quietly took the notebook and clasped it with his hands. He held it close to his chest and smiled slightly.

"Thank you," he murmured. "I thought I would never see it again."

Alexander was quiet, he didn't want to interrupt this comfortable moment.

"Wait."

Alex glanced at John, their silence shattered by the abrupt sound.

John was staring at him intensely.

"How did you know it belonged to me? I never remembered writing any contact information in it, and I never sign any of my drawings in that book…"

"Oh," Alex said uncomfortably, "well, long story short, you have a sketch in there that matches a picture you painted in the coffee shop."

* * *

John froze, suddenly weak at his knees, his mind in a blank shock.

" _You looked through my sketch pad?!"_ he nearly yelled, conscious that his eyes were betraying his alarm.

"Well…" Alexander stammered, looking mortified and shameful.

 _Did he see the sketch I drew of him in the coffee shop? If he did, I'm going to move out of New York. I_ swear.

"How much did you see?" John asked nervously.

"Oh, just until the sketch of the sunset-cliff painting. Then I shut the book." Alexander looked down at the ground, his face bright red.

John still wasn't comfortable or convinced.

"You _promise?_ Swear it!" he demanded.

Alexander looked rather alarmed.

 _Overboard, John. You went overboard._

"I-I swear!" Alex said. "I swear on my life!"

For some inexplicable reason, John suddenly believed Alexander. He slumped into a chair and covered his face with his hands. A minute passed. Two. John refused to come out, lengthening the awkward silence and making it even _more_ awkward. He wished that Alexander would just get up and walk out. But John knew Hamilton was probably far to polite to do such a thing.

* * *

Alex stood uncomfortably in front of John, not really knowing what to do. He wasn't good around people. But he wanted to make John feel better. He just didn't know how, but he had to try.

Alex sighed inwardly and looked around for a chair. He dragged one over and sat down. He was only inches away from John.

"Hey, John," Alex said softly, "I promise that I didn't see anything weird or potentially embarrassing in that notebook. All the pictures I saw were beautiful, and I think that you are a genius."

John peeped out shyly from behind his hands.

"You think so?" he whispered, not sounding quite convinced.

Alex nodded. "Definitely. Do you remember that seashell thing you drew? I think it was the second sketch..."

"Yeah…"

"Well," Alex said, "It was so beautiful. All those fine details. I think I would have needed a magnifying glass if I wanted to study them. You have talent. That's more than most people can say."

John looked up, his face breaking into a small, but sweet, smile. The tension in the room melted like ice by a fire.

"Thank you, Alexander."

"Call me Alex," Hamilton said automatically. "Alexander is only for the people I hate."

John grinned, flashing pearly teeth. "I'm glad you don't hate me."

"Honestly," Alex said, catching himself by surprise, "I'm glad I don't hate you too."

Both boys grinned like idiots.

"Can I get you some coffee?" John offered.

" _Please."_ Alexander laughed.

* * *

"So, John, do you play a musical instrument?" Alex questioned as they sipped coffee out of tea mugs.

John laughed. "Well yes, I do, actually."

"Are you going to tell me?" Alex said.

"Maybe…" John teased.

Alex huffed. "Trying to be mysterious, Laurens?"

"Oh no, not at all!" John replied cheekily.

Alex raised his eyebrows at John, who stuck his tongue out.

"So, _are_ you going to tell me?" Alex asked once more.

John let out an over-dramatic sigh. "Fine, Alex. But just don't you _dare_ laugh!"

"I won't." Alex promised.

John leaned in, and so did Alexander.

"I play…" John whispered, "THE FLUTE!" He shouted the last two words, causing Alexander to reel back in surprise.

"God, John! Did you really have to kill my poor ears? I swear, they're bleeding! Just look at them!"

John let out a very cute laugh.

"I swear, Alex, they are _not_ bleeding, and I'm looking straight at them!"

"You sure?" Alex smirked, drawing out the last word.

"Oh, I'm sure." John said lightly, his eyes sparkling. "Now, tell me, do _you_ play an instrument?"

Alex blinked, then smiled. "Yes, sir, I do."

John looked him up and down. "Care to tell me?"

Alex tapped his chin and gave John a thoughtful look. "Well…"

"No matter what," John interjected, "it can't be stupider than a grown man playing a flute."

"True," Alexander agreed. "So, I will tell you."

John looked at him with wide puppy-dog eyes, pouting slightly.

Alex leaned in. John, after hesitation leaned in too. Alex knew that John knew what was in store for him.

"I play…" Alex said softly, "THE BASSOON!" he shouted the last two words out, just like John had. Even though John knew what Alex was going to do, it didn't stop him from jerking back violently and almost falling out of his chair.

"You do?!" John exclaimed. "That's so cool! I've always wanted to know how to play the bassoon!"

"I could teach you." Alex offered.

"Really? That would be amazing!" John gushed happily.

Alexander laughed. "Sure, it's really no problem! Actually, I'm glad that you know what a bassoon is. Most people have no idea!"

John chuckled. "I know. I played some bass clarinet during marching band in my sophomore year, and this dumb ol' cheerleader told me that she liked my _saxophone!_ "

John choked out the last three words, overcome by giggles. Alex started howling with laughter, and after a few seconds, John's giggles turned into full-blown laughs. They were laughing so hard, that John actually started crying. Then, Alexander rolled out of his chair and onto the floor.

"Stupid… cheerleader!" Alex gasped, beating the floor with a fist.

"I… KNOW!" John shouted.

Alex hadn't felt that good in such a long time. It felt good to be laughing his heart out in the warm dorm room with John, his homework done, and not a single cloud in the sky.

When they finally calmed down, it was almost 7:00pm. They shared a warm and friendly silence until someone started pounding on the door so hard, Alex thought they were attempting to break it down.

"John!" Alexander exclaimed, alarmed. He scrambled to his feet.

"Why don't you open it?" John seemed perfectly at ease, and if Alex wasn't imagining it, a slight smirk played on his lips.

Alex stuttered. "I… uh…"

John rolled his eyes. "Come _on,_ Alex! Just open the freaking door already!"

Alex stared, enraptured at John. John brushed a stray curl out of his face and blushed.

"What?"

Alex swallowed. "Nothing."

 _He's so different from the shy, stuttering, and panicking boy that opened the door for me about an hour ago! Wow, after he warms up to you, John is like a… like a… a, oh, I don't know! There are no words to describe his personality!_

John was raising his eyebrows at Alex again, just like he did in Padoca the other day. Alex realized that he had been staring at John for almost a full minute.

 _Crap!_

"I'll, uh, open the door." Alex stammered.

The knocking showed no sign of ceasing, and if possible, it might have even grown louder. Alex practically ran over to the door and pulled it open.

"Hey, man! Didn't expect to see you here!" someone bellowed.

"Hercules!" Alex shouted.

"Stop calling me that!" Hercules yelled, matching Alex's tone. "Just call me Herc!"

"Well, hello, Herc!"

"Well, hello, Alex!"

"Mon ami!"

"Lafayette!" John and Alex cried at the same time.

Lafayette pushed past Hercules and strode inside. He laughed at the sight of John's flushed and excited face.

"John, vous avez trouvé un nouvel ami pour vous accompagner!" he chirped.

"Ce mec est le meilleur!" John beamed.

"Dude, you know I can't speak French!" Hercules pouted.

Alex laughed. "Well, then, we should really teach you."

John noticed that Alex had said _we_ and not _they_. He grinned and turned to Alex. "You understand French?"

"Oui, monsieur," Alex said, "je crois que je peux parler et comprendre le français couramment!"

"Mon DIEU, c'est génial!" John whooped.

"GUYS, STOP!" Hercules shouted.

"NON!" all three French-speakers shouted at Herc, who cringed away.

"My _feelings!_ " Hercules gasped sarcastically, clutching his chest. "Oh, my poor, poor, _feelings!_ "

Lafayette swaggered up to Hercules and slapped him on the back.

"Mon ami, I didn't even _know_ that you had feelings!"

"Yeah," John said, catching on, "I always thought that you were secretly a sack of turtleneck sweaters!"

" _What?"_ Hercules shouted in mock-rage. " _Laurens, how dare you!"_

John just smiled sweetly at Hercules, batting his long eyelashes. Alexander felt his mouth twist upwards in amusement as John and Hercules continued to poke each other, verbally and physically. John was shouting at Hercules in French while Hercules was shouting back at him in what sounded like Dutch.

Lafayette was sprawled out on John's couch, watching with interest and amusement. Alex caught Lafayette's eye and they both smirked, sharing a moment.

"Vous ressemblez à une pomme de terre moisie!" John shouted.

"John Laurens je bent ongelooflijk homo!" Hercules fired back.

"Ma grand-mère avait plus de sens de la mode que vous!" John laughed.

"Avait?" Lafayette questioned.

"Oui," John said quickly, "elle est morte quand j'avais huit ans."

"Oh, je suis désolé." Lafayette said sympathetically.

"Ça va. Je manque encore ma grand-mère, mais je l'aime beaucoup." John said, a sad smile playing on his lips.

Hercules was staring at him. So was Alex.

"Wow," Alex said, "I'm sorry about your grandmother, John, really, but you have to admit, the conversation turned depressing pretty quickly."

"You were talking about your grandmother in the middle of our insult festival? Wow, sweet Jesus, John, you sure know how to go off-topic." Hercules chuckled.

John's sad smile was replaced with a happy one.

"Yep!" he said, winking at Alexander.

For some stupid reason, Alex blushed. It was not missed by John, who also started to flush. Luckily, Lafayette and Hercules didn't notice their pink faces. Probably.

* * *

They spent the next hour laughing and talking and joking around. Lafayette decided to teach Alexander how to make bread. Alex was hopeless at baking, and after spilling flour all over the ground for the fifth time, Lafayette gave up and walked out of the kitchen.

Fortunately, John appeared to "help" Alex clean up the mess. What they really did was attempt to finish baking the loaf of bread.

The result: A charred hunk of nasty-looking pastry.

Lafayette and Hercules choked down the disgusting lumps and through forced smiles, insisted that it was quite excellent. After one taste of their own creation, John and Alex decided to never bake again. They threw the remains of their bread out of the window.

They finally decided to clean up the mess. It took them almost an hour.

* * *

Alex, having been beat at Blackjack four times in a row by John, looked up at the kitchen clock.

" _Crap!"_

"What is it, Alex?" John asked, his face a mask of concern.

"It's almost midnight!" Alex cried, panicking. "And we have school tomorrow! And it's almost a thirty-five minute walk back to my apartment! In the dark!"

John stood up and stretched.

"Hey, no big deal," he said gently, "Alex, I can give you a ride back."

"Oh, no, no you don't have to." Alex said quickly. "I don't want to burden you. Really, I'm fine."

John smiled. "Alexander, it won't be a problem. Getting you back safely isn't a problem. At least, not to me."

John held Alex's gaze for a few seconds longer than necessary. Alex finally looked away and mumbled, "Thank you, John."

Lafayette and Hercules exchanged glances and barely concealed smiles.

When Alex was finally able to look at John again, he was relieved to find John smiling.

"We can go now, if you like," he offered.

Alex nodded gratefully. "Thanks again, John. Good-night, guys."

"'Night," Lafayette and Hercules chorused.

* * *

As the door shut behind Hamilton and Laurens, Lafayette leaned over to Hercules.

"Do you think John has a thing for Alex, mon ami?"

"Mmhmm, yep." Hercules said.

They were quiet for a few heartbeats. Then, Hercules sat down on the couch next to Lafayette and draped his arm around the frenchman. Lafayette blushed, but made no comment.

They sat like that for about ten minutes. Then, wordlessly, they exited John's room and closed the door behind them.

* * *

Alex was on the back of John's motorcycle, his arms wrapped around John's waist. John insisted that Alex wore the helmet, so Alex had to turn his head to the side to avoid being whipped in the face by John's long, curly hair.

It was cold, but John was warm, and it was quiet except for the roar of the motorcycle. Alex was completely relaxed, and he was perfectly content to stay like that, with John, for another hour.

Alex craned his neck upwards and looked at the stars. They seemed to twinkle brightly at him. The moon shined its approval.

"Stop here!" Alex shouted to John over the noise. John slowed to a stop in front of Alex's apartment complex.

Alexander got off the motorcycle and gave the helmet back to a windswept, but cheerful, John.

"Thank you again, so much." Alexander said.

"No problem, Alex," John said easily. "I can give you a lift anytime."

"Thanks, I appreciate that." Alex said.

John just smiled shyly.

"Well, Alex, I'd better get going. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, Laurens."

John hopped onto his motorcycle and waved a good-bye to Alex, who returned it. Alexander watched as John sped into the distance, and then slowly made his way back to his room, strangely comforted.

* * *

 **Aaah! John and Alexander are just SO CUTE together! Hey, so, the rest of the story is going to be pretty much revolving around their relationship, so be prepared for some Lams! Oh, and I made them have a whole conversation in French just to be mean. Love ya! :)** **P.S. Google Translator is your BFF!**


	6. Pain and Beauty

**Chapter Six**

* * *

After a hasty breakfast of toast and raspberry jam, Alex hurried up the street towards King's College. He had almost overslept, but thankfully, he had the energy and foresight to set an alarm the night before.

 _I can't believe I missed Eliza's texts._

While he was hanging out in John's room, he had missed seven texts from Eliza asking if he could come over to her place and help her with homework. The last five texts had been frantically typed, wondering if he was okay, and why he wasn't responding.

Alexander shot off a series of apologetic texts to Eliza as he approached the school. He looked up frequently, but he didn't see Eliza today.

 _I guess I must have missed her. Pity, I would rather deliver my apology in person._

Alex sat next to Hercules in the first class, and they shared and compared notes while Mr. Woodruff was giving a long and boring lecture which was basically the same as last Friday's.

Alex realized that even though Hercules was a bit of a slacker, he still managed to be a very good student.

* * *

Alex dropped his bag under the old maple and fidgeted nervously, awaiting Eliza's arrival. He wondered what type of scolding he would receive. He wondered if he would even _get_ a scolding. He probably would have to endure worse.

Alex shrugged inwardly. To be honest, he deserved it.

* * *

Eliza hugged Maria a good-bye and promised that she would collect the music sheets tomorrow morning. Then, she zipped her navy backpack, dusted off her flowered dress, and waved. Eliza pushed open the door to the storage room and locked her oboe inside a cabinet.

After exiting the band room, Eliza took a deep breath, steadying herself.

 _How should I greet Alex? Should I yell? Should I scold? Should I accuse? I was so worried when he didn't reply to my texts for hours! He usually answers within five minutes! I almost started crying and confiding in Angelica. If I did, Angelica would insist calling the cops or something, and then where would we be?_

"Steady, Eliza," the pretty burnett murmured to herself. "Don't get too worked up over it. Keep a straight head."

She let out a great and heavy sigh and started towards the maple tree.

* * *

"Hey, Alex," Eliza greeted her best friend.

Alex blinked. "Oh, hey, Eliza," he grinned sheepishly.

Eliza felt her heart go _THUMP-THUMP_ in her chest. He was so cute when he felt guilty.

 _STOP THAT._

"You know, I was really worried," Eliza said calmly, trying to convey how worried she felt through her eyes alone.

Alex seemed to understand and dropped his gaze.

"Eliza, I'm really sorry. I know I should have checked my phone, but… I was distracted. I promise it won't happen again."

Eliza held the silence carefully, like it was made of paper-thin glass. She observed it, for a few seconds, and then gently, slowly, set it down.

"Distracted, you say?" she said softly. "For six hours?"

Alex closed his eyes and huffed out a breath of air. They flew open again. "Eliza-"

Eliza leaned forward and pressed her index finger against his lips.

"Shh, Alex. I forgive you."

She gently removed her finger, but Alex grasped her hand between both of his. Intelligent brown eyes met soft back ones, and they held their gaze.

Eliza's heart was beating against her ribcage like a frantic bird on the bars of a cage. Heat seemed to spread from her chest to her whole body, touching the corners of her cheeks but not fully enveloping her face.

Suddenly, it burned like fire and Eliza almost gasped at its ferocity, and finally tore her gaze from Alex. She focused it instead on the ground. Alex dropped her hand and the minutes of silent, heavy tension stretched on.

Only a loud exclamation of, "Bonjour, Alexander!" was able to lift the quiet.

Alex looked up and smiled at a someone behind Eliza.

"Hey, Lafayette! Hey, John."

Eliza turned around and studied the newcomers. One was tall, handsome, and had long, wavy back hair that was pulled up in a man bun. The other was considerably shorter in comparison and had curly brown hair that was up in a ponytail. Freckles dotted his face, neck, and arms.

Eliza wondered what it was these days with college boys and long hair.

The handsome one clapped a hand on Alexander's shoulder while the shorter boy murmured a quiet hello.

"Alex, John was wondering-" he — Eliza assumed that he was Lafayette — was interrupted by the freckled boy elbowing him in the side. Eliza guessed he was John.

Lafayette cleared his throat and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay, actually, it was my idea that you join us for, ah, how you say? Oh, _a bite to eat_ , tomorrow."

Alex blinked twice. "Okay," he said. "Sure, I'd love to. Thank you for offering."

Even though the words should have been for Lafayette, Eliza could tell that Alexander was directing them to John. John flushed and his eyes darted away from Alexander.

Curious, Eliza glanced at Alex and saw him gazing steadily at John, a trace of passion in his eyes.

Then something monstrous erupted in her chest, all her feelings for Alex churning and frothing inside her, jealousy kindling an inferno that raged inside her heart and mind.

 _Alex is mine! Alex is MINE! That. Boy. Is. MINE! No one can have him! I_ love _him!_

Eliza widened her eyes as the battle raged inside her, suddenly scared of her emotions. She curled her hands into fists and hid them behind her back. Her eyelashes fluttered and her chest heaved.

Naturally, none of the boys noticed, as they were talking happily amongst themselves.

Finally, as Lafayette bid Alex adieu, Eliza was able to force her emotions into a bottle that didn't actually exist and put a stopper on it. She turned to Alexander with a painful smile.

"Would you like to come over to my place and help me with my homework?" she asked sweetly.

"Of course, Eliza." Alex said.

He really had no choice. Alex didn't have any credit to refuse.

* * *

Alex sat next to John during fourth period, which turned out to be a big mistake. Not only could he not focus, neither could John. In the end, they had no notes, no knowledge of the class, a detention slip, and a large grin on each face.

"Well, at least detention isn't so bad." John chuckled. "Just sorting through the graded papers tomorrow after school and then we're done."

Alex sighed. "Oh, but where are we going to get those notes?"

John laughed again. "Just ask Burr. That's what I do when I forget to take them."

Alex looked at John, flabbergasted. "You _forget_ to take notes?! What? But how-"

John cut Alex off, smirking slightly. "Not everyone is a diamond in the ruff, Alex, or a shiny piece of coal. Not everyone has your top-notch brain and your, ah, devotion to schoolwork and taking _beautiful_ twenty-page long notes."

Alex laughed. "Good point, Laurens."

John departed with a wave once Alex spotted Eliza in the distance.

"See you later, Alexander Hamilton."

"Good-bye, John Laurens."

* * *

"No, Eliza, listen again. It's not one-and-a-two-ie-and-a-three, it's one-ie-and-a-two-and-three."

Eliza exhaled and picked up her oboe once more.

"Alex, why can't you just show me on the oboe?"

"Eliza," Alex began patiently, "I told you, before, but I'll tell you just once more. One, I'm not going to have my saliva all over your reed. You put your mouth there, and frankly, it would be quite disgusting if my saliva got into your mouth. Second of all, my oboe knowledge is at a bare minimal because my main instrument is the bassoon. Three, I'm not even supposed to be helping you on this, Eliza, it's your playing test for tomorrow!"

"I know…" Eliza muttered before picking up the oboe and playing the tune perfectly.

"Congratulations!" Alexander cried, giving Eliza a side-hug.

Eliza huffed and shoved him away, her face a little rosy.

"Let me try again," she said.

Eliza played the little section perfectly four times before Alex suggested she should play the whole piece. Eliza nailed it.

"I think you'll get first chair," Alex said confidently. "That other unlucky oboist has no chance."

Eliza smiled. "You think?"

"Positive." Alex said.

As Eliza practiced some more on her oboe, Alex's phone pinged. He picked it up and saw that John had texted him a picture of Aaron's notes.

* * *

 **My_Shot:** Thanks, John.

 **Turtlepurple22:** No problem, Alex

 **Turtlepurple22:** Are you going to do anything later today?

 **My_Shot:** Might go to the park.

 **Turtlepurple22:** Cool

 **My_Shot:** Hey, I have to go now. Got tons of work to do.

 **Turtlepurple22:** Haha, what else is new?

 **My_Shot:** Nothing. Good-bye, John.

 **Turtlepurple22:** Bye Alex

* * *

Alex turned off his phone and turned his attention to Eliza, who was looking at him expectantly.

"That was great, Eliza! It sounded marvelous."

Eliza glowed.

"Do you think I need any more practice?"

"In my opinion, no." Alex said. "You sound amazing. You're going to blow everyone else out of the water."

Eliza turned a deep shade of scarlet.

"Aww, thanks, Alex."

"No problem."

Then he was struck by an idea.

"Hey, Eliza, I'm thinking of going to the park later today…"

* * *

Alex wandered along the gravel path with Eliza, enjoying the pleasant scenery. Not many people went to the East Meadow park, but that didn't bother Alex much. Less people meant less disturbances.

Eliza let out a happy laugh and ran ahead to chase an orange-and-black butterfly that was flitting peaceably further along the path. Alex thought she looked like a little girl, with that flower-print dress, long, plaited hair, and chasing after a butterfly. Not that he minded.

The butterfly whisked away, out of Eliza's reach, and she watched the colorful bug fly away towards the sunset.

Alex came to a stop next to Eliza, and they admired the sky and all of its brilliant pastel colors. Eliza leaned her head against Alex's shoulder, and he brushed his hand against hers. Eliza caught hold of it, and Alex felt a funny jolt in his gut.

He turned his head to look in her eyes, and black met brown for another long moment.

* * *

John's feet crunched through the gravel of East Meadow park, which was conveniently just a couple of blocks away from his dorm room. He looked left and right, hoping to spot Alex.

 _He said that he might go to 'the park'. I hope he meant this one._

John glanced around once more before giving up. Sighing, he strode off the park and sat beneath an old cherry tree, its leaves orange and red. He stripped off his shoes and socks and rubbed his feet across the cool, dewy grass.

John reached up and plucked a leaf from one of the low-hanging branches, and absent-mindedly fingered it, touching the grooves and veins that ran through its face. John felt a powerful breeze stir his hair, and he held the leaf up, pinching the stem between two fingers.

The leaf flapped and fluttered in the wind as it tried to escape John's grasp. John, however, only pinched it tighter. For some reason, he refused to lower the leaf and shield it from the wind. He also refused to let go.

But a particularly ferocious breath of wind tore the leaf from between John's fingers. John, crying out, sprang up and chased the leaf through the soft grass, probably looking quite insane to anyone observing.

John chased the leaf all the way down to the lake, but the wind whisked it out over the surface of the lake. Suddenly, the breeze stopped, and the leaf dropped like a stone into the center of the water, spreading delicate ripples from where it came into contact with the surface of the lake.

John retreated into the shadows of another cherry tree, and watched the leaf. It was a deep red one too, in the shape of a heart. It was a curious thing, because the rest of the leaves on the tree looked like a pointed oval, not unlike a football.

Suddenly, John heard laughter and the soft swish of shoes on grass. He retreated further into the shelter of the grove. His heart gave a great leap when he saw Alex — and Eliza! — emerge from the grassy area and stroll down to the water's edge.

He felt a painful pang when he saw that they were holding hands.

 _Does Alex_ like _Eliza? I mean, it is pretty obvious that Eliza has a crush on Alex, but… but I didn't know that there was a chance that he liked her back…_

He watched as Alex took a smooth, flat stone and skipped it four times along the surface of the water. The stone sailed over John's leaf before sinking beneath the surface.

Eliza laughed, and skipped a stone too. The stone bounced three times, and it landed squarely on John's leaf, ripping it apart. The stone was swallowed by the cold, indigo water.

The two halves of the leaves drifted farther and farther apart, and the sky was almost completely black before Alex and Eliza left the lakeside. Alex's arm was wrapped around Eliza's shoulder, and her head was rested on his shoulder as they walked back up gravel path.

John, feeling incredibly sad and lost, trudged back over to his shoes and put them back on again. He stood up, and a single cherry blossom fluttered down, past his head. John held out a hand, catching it.

He looked up, but didn't see any flowers. It puzzled him, because blossoms only appeared in spring. He examined the flower. It was obviously a cherry blossom, with the creamy, pink petals and a red heart.

He cradled the delicate blossom all the way back to his room, and placed it in a bowl of cool water on his nightstand. It was the last thing he saw before falling into a deep sleep, punctuated by depressing and disturbing dreams.

* * *

 **Aww, I'm so sorry for this depressing chapter, but I had to write it! This story has a plot, OkAy?! It's not just endless Lams fluff! This chapter, and every chapter, really, is** _ **vital**_ **to the plot, and I promise, there will be Lams, but just later! I don't blame if you if you stop reading this story from this point on, but I'm telling you, you're going to miss out! I'm going on a trip for two weeks, so don't expect much until maybe the mid-end of July. Plus, did anyone get the symbolism of the leaf in the chapter? Comment what you think it represents! (Honestly, it's not that hard!)**


	7. Nightmare

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

 **IMPORTANT! Reader, if you are not looking at the bolded text (author's note) after each chapter, then I highly suggest going back and looking at those. They are important, and as this fic continues, will become almost necessary if you want to understand this fanfiction and not miss any little… things… I put in there. Now, read on!**

* * *

John picked distractingly at the edge of a piece of stir-fried tofu (he was vegetarian), his head down on the table, his feet, usually tapping distractingly, still on the floor.

 _I'm such a stupid piece of shit. Why did I ever assume I could have a chance with freaking infamous Alexander Hamilton, top of the school? Heck, he's probably straight anyways!_

He pushed his chair back and made his way over to Laf and Herc's couch, and curled up in a ball. He rocked ever-so-slightly back and forth, mourning a loss of something he never had.

Lafayette set down his fork and shot Hercules a concerned glance. Hercules swallowed, wiped his mouth on a napkin, and said, "Hey, John? You okay?"

"Oh, yeah," John fought to keep his voice casual as he lied. "I'm just feeling a bit off-color."

"What's wrong? Does your head hurt? Or is your stomach upset?" Lafayette asked, concern flashing in his eyes.

John blushed, feeling stupid and embarrassed. "Oh, my, um, head hurts."

Lafayette stood up. "Here, I'll get the aspirin."

"No," John said, quickly. "I don't need it, really, it's just a minor…" his voice tailed away.

Pause.

Hercules got up from the table and plopped down next to John on the couch.

"Hey man," he said. "What's wrong?"

"My head," John lied stubbornly.

Hercules studied him with the air of disbelief and concern, but decided to let the subject drop.

"John-" Lafayette began.

"Drop it," Hercules said.

Lafayette looked as if he would protest, but wisely shut his mouth. John curled up tighter and shifted his position so that he wouldn't have to face his friends.

Hercules and Lafayette exchanged concerned glances.

"I'm going back to my room," John mumbled after a few minutes of quiet.

He got up and closed the door behind him.

* * *

John flopped down on his bed and shifted his position so that he could see the blossom. It still looked as fresh as a newly-fallen snowflake. He closed his eyes. John dreamed.

He was in a forest full of cherry trees with blood-red leaves and even darker fruit. The ground was an unnatural, almost glowing, white, and the sky was a pale yellow. Suddenly, a figure emerged from behind one of the trees.

John screamed. It was dark, shadowy, and seemed to ooze as it quivered, hovering about ten feet away from him. Two eyes, pinpricks of white, gleamed at him from a shapeless head.

John tried to take a step back, but his feet were sluggish, and he could hardly move. The shadow-monster slithered forward, extending a twisted, unstable arm, its fingers long, pointed, and white. Faster and faster it moved, its smoke being torn from the body, eyes growing wider, teeth emerging.

John shut his eyes and screamed himself hoarse, and then, suddenly, he felt a light _whoosh_ of sweet-smelling air in front of him. He opened his eyes just in time to see the last wisps of smoke unfurling to reveal Elizabeth Schuyler, a shy smile on her face.

John stood, agape, as she reached out with one of her hands and grasped John's own lightly.

John swallowed. "Eliza…" he whispered, hoarsely.

Her light blue dress fluttered around her bare feet, which bore cuts and scratches, trickling blood. Her black eyes were soft and understanding, with a touch of sadness shining through.

"You don't need to change," she whispered, before a light breeze blew her away into a pale blue smoke.

* * *

John was in a white room. It was square, with no windows or doors. It was neither hot nor cold. John walked over and brushed his hand against a wall. It felt smooth and hard.

"John."

John turned around, frightened, but relaxed as soon as he saw who it was.

"M-Martha!" He cried, rushing forward to hug his sister.

"Stop," she said in the same expressionless voice. Her face was like cardboard. Bland and stiff.

"Martha?" he asked, starting to tremble.

"John, why did you leave me?" she sighed, her voice a little high-pitched, and she drew out the words _why_ and _me_ a little too long.

"Martha, what are you talking about?" John cried. "I didn't want to leave, but Father sent me away! You know that!"

"John," Martha sighed. "Why did you have to mention him?"

And then the temperature in the room seemed to go up about fifty degrees. John screamed as Martha's face melted off, leaving a white skull behind. Then, her body started sinking, melting, peeling, and oozing horribly off her skeleton, hissing and bubbling as her flesh started to evaporate. In a matter of seconds, all that was left was her bleached, white bones. Then, even those exploded into powder and dust.

John screamed his throat raw as he stumbled backwards, staggering into a wall and sliding downwards until he rest upon the floor. The temperature dropped fifty degrees. Then another fifty.

Then, _he_ materialized.

John's father, Henry Laurens, stood over his son, his eyes burning with disgust, contempt, and hatred, all stewing into a cold fire. He slowly raised an arm, a thick, leather belt with a large, steel buckle dangling from his huge fist.

John tried to scream, tried to move, but he was mute and frozen in place. He was so scared, too scared. All he could do was breathe in and out, in and out, faster and faster as Henry's arm reached an apex, and then he swung it down, the belt speeding towards him, the buckle shining and flashing, brown leather just a blur, stained with blood and smoking slightly, and then bursting into flame. And finally John was able to scream a long, horrible, death screech…

* * *

John was at the edge of the Empire State Building, the needle hovering above him. It was barely dawn, the sky near the horizon was a pale, watery yellow. He turned his head to the side, and almost gasped. Alex was standing there next to him, an unnerving grin plastered to his face.

"Hey, Alex," John ventured timidly.

"John, if I jumped off, how long do you think I would fall before I was smashed into a paste on the streets below?" Alexander asked, that strange grin still coating his face.

"Wha-what?" John stammered.

"John, if I jumped off, how many feet above the ground would I be before people below finally heard my screams?"

"Um-"

"John, if I jumped off, what are the odds of me breaking every single bone in my body, and my brains flying out of my head?"

"Alex! Stop this!" John cried fearfully.

"John, if I jumped, what are the chances of me dancing with Satan in Hell?"

"John, if I jumped, do you think my flesh would be ripped from my bones?"

"John, if I jumped, would my blood stain the streets red?"

"Alex, stop, please!" John howled.

"John, if I jumped, would you fall with me?"

John rubbed his eyes furiously before croaking out a single "what?"

Alex turned away from John to face the horizon line, which was in front of them, very sluggishly.

"John," he repeated, "if I jumped, would you fall with me?"

"Yes," John whispered.

Alex sighed, and as he did, he began to lean forward _v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y._

"Alex!" John screamed as he dived for his friend, but he was too late and Alex plunged off the edge of the Empire State Building.

John didn't give a second thought before hurtling himself off the edifice, trying, desperately, to reach Alex. As they were falling, Alex rolled over so that he was facing John. His too-wide smile was ripped off of his face, just like John's tears, which were torn from his eyes.

"John," he whispered, his face suddenly breaking down and shifting into so many painful emotions that it was hard for John to look at him.

"Alex!" John sobbed, reaching out.

Alex also extended his arm, but it was too late, and they were almost feet from the ground. Suddenly, the ground erupted into a giant, black hole and it swallowed them both, Alex and John tumbling into a void filled with darkness and stars.

* * *

John woke up with a start, and immediately rolled over and rushed into the bathroom, where he threw up into the toilet. The sound of his sick splattering in the bowl alone was enough to make him heave until nothing was left in his stomach.

He made his way over to the sink and rinsed his mouth out until he could barely taste the sourness of his stomach acid. He drank three cups of water before crawling back to his bed and collapsing into it. He started shaking and tears began leaking from his eyes, so hot and fast as he gasped for air, but instead got a lungful of pain and misery.

He couldn't deny it. Not any longer. He was trying to hide and harbor feelings he could barely understand or control.

 _I love Alex._

He was in love with one of his best friends.

* * *

A single lilac bloom was dropped in front of his door.

* * *

The bell rang and Alex stood up, cramming his books into his bag. He had almost made it to the door before he was shoved into the wall by Thomas Jefferson.

"Going somewhere?" Jefferson leered, snapping his fingers.

James Madison appeared next to him, shyly offering him a length of rope while coughing into a handkerchief.

"Thank you, Jamie." Thomas said in the sweetest voice Alex heard yet to come out of his mouth.

James blushed and ducked his head, tugging at his sleeves self-consciously. Alex tried to turn and run, but Jefferson shoved him hard and Alex sprawled onto the floor.

"Jamie, hold him still." Jefferson snapped, and Alex felt a heavy weight pin both his arms and legs down. James coughed into Alex's ear.

"Can you cough somewhere else?" Alex hissed, annoyed.

"Don't you dare talk to Jamie like that!" Jefferson shrieked. He bent down and slapped Alex clean across the face.

" _Bastard orphan!"_ he barked.

Suddenly, Alex heard voices, growing nearer and nearer. Jefferson didn't seem to notice, but James stiffened.

"Thomas…!" James began fearfully, but before he could finish, the door was flung open, and Lafayette, Hercules, and John started down, disbelieving, at Alex, James, and Jefferson.

John's eyes flicked to Jefferson's face to the rope in his hand, and finally onto James and the red mark on Alex's face.

Something monstrous erupted across John's usually cheerful features, and Alex saw him consumed by a rage he had never seen before. James noticed and scrambled off of Alex and took cover behind Jefferson. Thomas flung out an arm, obviously trying to shield and protect the sick and frailer boy from John.

Alex quickly scrabbled to his feet and picked up his bag. He flipped the bird to Jefferson and Madison. He turned around to face the door and then, suddenly, something flashed past him. Alex caught a glimpse of John's livid face and turned around to find him jump-tackling Jefferson to the floor.

"John!" Alex cried, and rushed over to pull his friend off of Jefferson. Jefferson was shielding his face from the swinging blows that John was delivering. Madison tried to help, but John pushed him easily aside and James crumpled to the floor.

With a cry of rage, Jefferson leapt to his feet and punched John, hard in the stomach, before grabbing Madison's arm and dragging him out the door.

"John!" Alex exclaimed. "Are you okay?"

John was breathing heavily, his face an ugly, blotchy red. A purple bruise was starting to show on his cheekbone.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he mumbled, avoiding Alex's gaze.

"Why did you do that?" Alex cried, suddenly angry. "You could have hurt yourself badly! If you did, I'd never forgive myself!"

John just crossed his arms and glared at the ground.

Lafayette cleared his throat. "Um, John? ESt ce que ça va? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," John muttered. "Leave me alone."

Lafayette motioned for Hercules to follow him outside, and then closed the door. Alex and John were alone in the room. They were quiet.

Alex's heart thumped painfully in his chest and he wanted to cry, but he knew he had to stay strong. Alex swallowed painfully and reached out, tentatively, with a hand. He brushed John's shoulder, and John jerked back, looking up to give Alex a look full of pure pain.

"John," Alex began, "I-"

Suddenly, John threw himself at Alex and squeezed him as hard as he could. Alex felt something wet soak through his shirt. He froze, unsure of what to do, before wrapping his arms around John's thin frame.

Something stirred inside of his chest, and Alex picked up the emotions of happiness and sadness, mingling together in a new and almost frightening way.

John was trembling in his arms, and Alex turned his head to look sideways at John's face. They were almost the exact same height, but John was perhaps a half-inch shorter. They were both a bit on the smaller side of average.

John looked up at Alex, and his wide, almond-shaped eyes were filled with tears. Alex's own eyes watered painfully at the sight of how miserable John was, and he almost broke down too.

A single tear dripped down John's face, and Alex, almost unconsciously, wiped it away with his thumb, but still keeping his embrace. John closed his eyes at the touch and tightened his hold on Alex.

Alex, almost breathless, leaned forwards, so that their foreheads were touching. He felt a spark run through his body, and brushed a stray strand of hair behind John's ear that had escaped its restraint in the tussle.

John let out a watery laugh, and opened his eyes to stare into Alex's. Hazel met brown, lashes fluttering, breath quickening, arms tightening, and they peered into each other until both sets of eyes shone so brightly, the other had to look away.

After another long moment, they broke apart and walked out the door to lunch, both tears dried, hearts thumping, and shoulders brushing.

* * *

 **Hey-ay! I wasn't originally going to put that fight in, but I decided that it would be a good bonding moment for Alex and John, and an official start to their potential romantic relationship. Not a lot of translating (well, basically none is needed) for this chapter! Hooray! Did you like John's nightmares? ;) I tried to make them quite disturbing, and also put a little symbolism in them. Mostly with the Eliza stage.**


	8. Unsatisfied

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

John led Alex over to a small, grassy clearing, sheltered by evergreen trees and thick, leafy bushes. A fountain splashed somewhere behind them. It was very peaceful. Lafayette and Hercules were sitting in the middle of the glade, talking in hushed voices while eating their lunches.

John purposely rustled a bush loudly as they neared, so Lafayette and Hercules were alerted to their presence.

"Hey, John, Alex." Hercules said in a very convincing causal voice.

"Mes amis, prenez place," Lafayette said.

"D'accord," John and Alex said at the same time. Then they caught each other's eyes and grinned, tension evaporating.

"Je kleine shits beter stoppen met het praten frans." Hercule grumbled.

John raised his hand as he and Alex sat down side-by-side on the grass.

"I understood the 'shits' part!" he declared.

Hercules rolled his eyes and huffed. "Of _course_ you did, you little dipshit."

John slapped his hands to his cheeks. "Oh, I am _just so_ offended. Alex can tell how offended I am, right?" he elbowed Alex in the side.

"Oh, yeah, totally." Alex said, adding liberal amounts of sarcasm to his voice, matching John's tone.

"See!" John said, looking around with pretend-beady eyes, giving Hercules a fake death-glare.

Alex peeled back an orange slice and observed another Laurens-Mulligan war. Lafayette held out a hand and Alex slapped it. Lafayette grimaced, shaking his wrist.

"You suck at giving civil high-fives," he moaned, pulling a face.

"Hey, Lafayette?" Alex said. "I don't care."

They laughed, and John screeched like a cat as he clawed Hercules's shirt.

"Woah, calm down, dude!" Herc shouted, shoving John off.

Alex smiled devilishly and hissed at Hercules. He caught John's eye and they nodded. Alex crawled towards Hercules on all-fours, while John let out a loud and threatening yowl. Alex screeched and sprang towards Hercules, scratching at his pants. John lunged towards and started to claw Hercules's shirt again.

"Lafayette!" Hercules roared, "Help me!"

"Hm… how you say? No."

"Frick you!" Hercules cried through a mouthful of John's hair.

John winked and nodded at Alex, who unsuccessfully stifled a laugh. Finally, after a couple minutes, Hercules was able to successfully disentangle himself from John and Alex and staggered over to Lafayette.

"I hate you," he growled.

Lafayette sighed. "Oh, mon amour, je t'adore aussi."

John stifled a giggle and glanced at Alex.

Lafayette glared a Alex and John, going red in the face while Hercules just looked confused.

"Pas un mot si vous valorisez votre vie." Lafayette warned, twisting his hands together.

"Nous promettons que nous ne le dirons pas, ok, Alex?" John smirked.

"Je promets," Alex said sincerely.

"Neuken frans," Hercules grumbled.

* * *

Alex and Hercules crouched under a low-hanging bush, spying on Charles Lee and Principle Washington.

Suddenly, Charles broke away, and as he ran he screamed, "I'M VICE-PRESIDENT FOR THE STUDENT COUNCIL! WHEEEEE!"

Hercules and Alex erupted into fits of laughter as Charles's obnoxious partially-shaved head and equally obnoxious voice faded away. He was probably going to go and brag to Aaron Burr, who Alex knew to be the president.

"Hamilton, Mulligan! Get out of the foliage at once!"

Alex and Hercules froze in mid-laugh and stared at each other.

"I said get out!"

They slowly crawled out from underneath the bush, and dragged themselves upright in front of Principle Washington.

"What are you doing?" Washington asked, sounding a little bit exasperated.

"We were, uh," Hercules began, looking panicked, "observing the… dirt."

"And you needed to crawl underneath a bush to do so?" Washington sighed.

"Um, yes?"

Principle Washington's next words were directed to Alexander.

"Son-"

"I'm not your son," Alex muttered, flinching away as though Washington had punched him in the gut.

Washington observed him for a few seconds before making a second attempt.

"Alexander, tell me the truth."

Alex looked at Hercules, who bit his lip and shrugged. He decided to tell the truth.

"We were spying on Charles Lee, sir," Alex said.

"Why?" Washington said mildly.

"'Cause he's an idiot, and we wanted to see if he was going to do any stupid things," Hercules blurted out. He promptly turned a pleasant shade of magenta.

Washington and Alex started at him.

"What?" Hercules asked.

Washington sighed. "Okay, fine, whatever. Personally, I don't care. Just go."

Hercules let out a whoop and ran. Alexander had no choice but to follow him.

* * *

"You did _what?_ " John giggled.

Hercules rolled his eyes. "I'm not telling you again."

Alex told John and Lafayette once again about the Charles Lee and Washington adventure.

By the end, all four were laughing and snickering.

"I'm vice-principal for the Student Council. Wheeeee!" John whispered as they walked back to class.

John elbowed Alex in the ribs and he snickered, bumping John gently with his shoulder. They smiled at each other.

" _Ahem."_

They looked up to see Lafayette and Hercules waiting for them at the entrance of the main building.

"You coming, or do I have to stand around all day, waiting for you while les gars make goo-goo eyes at l'un l'autre?" Lafayette said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Dude, even I could understand that," Hercules said.

Lafayette stuck his tongue out at Hercules.

"Oh no you don't!" he sang, prancing away like a ballerina.

Hercules chased after him, shouting insults. His loud, smacking footsteps faded as he ran further and further down the hall.

* * *

"Do you think we make goo-goo eyes at each other?" Alexander laughed softly.

John blushed.

"Oh! Of course not! Heheh, definitely not, _I_ definitely _don't!_ I'M STRAIGHT!" John babbled.

Alex studied John, not believing a word he said.

"Pity," Alex said. "I'm bisexual." he shook his head in mock-disappointment. "Laurens, I think you should have a little bit of pride, seeing that you hang out with a bi, a gay, and a pan."

Alex winked at John, which made his stomach flutter, and sauntered into the building, knowing that he left a dumbstruck Laurens behind.

* * *

During their last class, Alex and John chose to sit in the very far back corner of the classroom, far away from James and Burr, who were sitting next to each other up front. John kept on shooting nervous glances at Alex, who stayed as cool as a cucumber.

 _How the heck am I supposed to concentrate when Alexander Hamilton just came out to me? This means that I have a chance!_

John internally punched himself.

 _Idiot! That means that Eliza still has a chance too! In fact, everyone in this room has a chance with Alex! Goddamnit!_

He dropped his head down into his arms, his nose pressed against the cool wood of the desk.

John felt Alex's hand come down on his arm. John shifted his position so that he could see Alex's face.

"Hey, are you okay?" Alex asked softly.

John turned away again. He didn't want to talk, not even to Alex. Then he remembered one of his nightmares.

" _You don't need to change," Eliza whispered._

"You're right," John said aloud. "I don't need to change."

He turned to find Alex looking at him oddly.

"John…?"

"I'm fine, Alex," John grinned. "Just some things getting to my head. 'Skay, I banished them just like my father banished me."

He winced inwardly inside.

 _Oops._

"HAHA, just kidding!" John yelled before diving back into his arms.

After a few seconds, he felt Alex start to stroke his hair gently. He slowly began to relax. John lifted his head after about five minutes. He smiled at Alex. Alex smiled back.

Their moment after the fight had not been forgotten.

* * *

After class had ended, John had invited Alex to hang out with him soon. Alex immediately accepted with a wink that turned John scarlett. Alex himself was in a happy mood for the rest of the day.

Alex picked up the phone. "Hey, Eliza!" he laughed. "How are you?"

"Good, thanks!" Eliza said, sounding happy and a bit confused. "Alex, I'm so bored, I have absolutely nothing to do! Any suggestions?"

"Actually, I do! Do you want to go with me to my favorite coffee shop, Padoca?" Alex asked.

"Sure, I'd love to! Where should we meet?"

"You can come down to my apartment and we can walk," Alex suggested. "It's not far at all."

"Sounds great!" Eliza chirped.

After Alex gave Eliza his address and they finalized the time, they hung up. Alex stood and stretched. Like Eliza, he had been given only light homework today because the mid-trimester exams were approaching. It was now October 11th, and his exams were on the 13th. Alex knew that he should be taking advantage of the situation to study like crazy, but frankly, he knew that he didn't need it.

Alex did a bit of studying anyways, and after twenty minutes, was standing outside his room, greeting Eliza.

"Hey, Lizzie," Alex teased.

"Hey, Lexi," Eliza smiled back.

"Ugh, please don't call me Lexi," Alex groaned.

"Then don't call me Lizzie!" Eliza said quite cheerfully.

"Deal," Alex said.

Eliza laughed and strung her arm through his, which made Alex slightly blush. Nevertheless, he was actually quite pleased. They walked arm-in-arm to Padoca, laughing and joking around the whole time.

"My dear only nanny can pull off an afro better than Jefferson can!" Eliza giggled as they pushed their way into the shop.

Inside, James Madison was sipping a mug of herbal tea. He heard Eliza, raised his eyebrows at her, and gave Alexander a _really?_ look before turning back to his book.

Eliza spent almost ten minutes trying to decide what to choose. Eventually, she chose a blueberry iced-tea with tapioca balls.

They sat at Alexander's window seat. Eliza complained some more about Miss Stephenson, who apparently was as ugly inside as she was inside. Alex listened, amused, as Eliza re-encountered all the injustices Miss Stephenson had done to the students in her class.

"And then, she forced Maria to take the piece of gum out of the trash _with her bare hands_ and pop it right back in her _mouth!_

"Urgh," Alexander shuddered. "Nasty."

Eliza made a face. "I know, right?"

"So," Alex said, suddenly remembering something, "How was your playing test?"

Eliza blushed. "Oh, it was… okay."

"Elaborate."

"I, um, did well."

"What chair did you get?"

"..."

"Well?"

"..."

"Eliza?"

"First."

"Congratulations!" Alex exclaimed. "You've redefined your legacy as an oboist!"

Eliza laughed and so did Alexander. They shared a few moment of comfortable silence. Alex picked up his coffee and was about to take a sip when he met Eliza's eyes.

Alex grinned and offered his mug. Eliza bumped it with her own glass.

"Cheers," they said simultaneously.

Then Eliza smiled softly, her eyes glowing and dancing, lighting up her entire face. Something stirred in Alex, just like what he had felt with John, but perhaps a little stronger. Alex looked down, his face burning as he finally realized what his heart was trying to say.

He liked Eliza.

* * *

He had a crush on his best friend.

* * *

But, for some reason, the thought of John nagged him, and his friend constantly lurked in a dark corner of his mind. Whenever he tried to ask himself how he felt about his little crush on Eliza, his internal and metaphorical John jumped out and distracted him.

Despite whatever he felt with Eliza, Alex just couldn't feel happy about it. Sure, he accepted it, but only reluctantly.

Alex knew that he would never be satisfied.

* * *

 **Poor Alex will never be satisfied. :( So, this might to be the last chapter for a while, like about two weeks(ish?) I'm in London currently, but without a computer. iPads are not really ideal for typing stories on. I have Chapter Nine saved in my Documents, so I'll post that. Maybe tomorrow. But don't worry, this story is SO not done and honestly, I can't wait to continue writing! See you guys later, love ya!**


	9. His Return

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

"Yo, Alex!"

Hercules grabbed Alex's forearm and pulled him into his room.

"Hey, Hercules!" Alex laughed, brushing the taller boy's hand off his arm.

"Alex!" Lafayette cheered, slapping him upside the head.

"Lafayette!" Alexander greeted his friend.

"Hi, Alex." John said while making his way over.

"Hello, John!" Alex squeaked, blushing furiously when he noticed that John's shirt was half-unbuttoned.

 _Goddamnit!_

Lafayette noticed Alex's face and grinned evilly at him. Then, winking, he grabbed Hercules's arm and dragged him out of the room. His protests died away as Lafayette shut the door with a brisk snap.

"So," John said coolly, raising his eyebrows. "What was that all about?"

"No idea," Alex blushed, his voice oddly higher than usual.

There was a moment of silence. John started to fidget nervously and his eyes darted around the room, refusing to look at Alex.

Alex bit his lip, and for some reason he had a strong urge to wrap his arms around John.

 _Eliza! I like Eliza, not John! Our relationship is purely platonic! Purely. Platonic!_

"Thomas Jefferson," Alex suddenly blurted out.

"What?" John spluttered, completely caught off-guard. "Excuse me?"

"Thomas Jefferson is a dick!" Alex announced.

John rolled his eyes. "Anything else, Captain Obvious?"

"The sky is orange during the afternoon," Alex offered.

John rolled his eyes. " _Sure_ it is. Now come on, I'm keen to know what Lafayette and Hercules are talking about without us."

John grabbed Hamilton's hand — Alex's stomach leaped — and pulled him into the room where Lafayette and Hercules had entered a minute before.

"Yo, what time is it?" John shouted after almost kicking down the door. He discreetly dropped Alex's hand before Lafayette and Hercules noticed.

Lafayette sprang away from Hercules, both blushing furiously. Hercules shouted "SHOWTIME!" before Lafayette dissolved into nervous giggles. John, Alex, and Hercules stared at him.

Lafayette bolted into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. The trio exchanged glances, Hercules still a bit pink in the face.

John walked up the the bathroom door and knocked tentatively.

"Lafayette? Are you okay?"

"Bonne grace, mon ami! Can't you leave a mec français alone while he's taking a shit?" Lafayette yelled.

John stumbled backwards and tripped over Alexander, and they tumbled backwards. There was a sound of a toilet flushing and running water before the bathroom door flew open. Lafayette just stared at John and Alex, laying on the floor together.

"It's not what you think!" John exclaimed shrilly.

"Yeah, we aren't doing anything gay!" Alex cut in, blushing up a storm and doing as much to help the situation as John was.

"Alex!" John hissed, scowling, and pinched Alex's lips shut, face as scarlet as the sun during sundown.

It was Hercules who saved them.

"John was being a clumsy dickhead and fell over Alex's ass. That's all."

"Speaking of dickheads," Lafayette said, plopping down on the couch next to Hercules, "Jefferson could have won an award for being the biggest prat a few days ago."

John sighed. "I know, right?"

Alex pushed John gently off of him and cupped his hand under Laurens's chin.

"How's that bruise faring so far?" Alex asked, examining the purple mark on John's cheekbone.

John shook Alex's hand away and he muttered a "fine."

Alex couldn't help but feeling a little hurt.

 _John's coming off as a little cold today… I wonder if something's wrong._

"John?" Alex asked. "Is everything okay?"

John bit his lip and looked away.

"Yes…" he whispered softly.

Alex looked to Lafayette and Hercules for help. Hercules shifted uncomfortably while Lafayette suddenly became absorbed with his socks.

"What are you guys not telling me?" Alex demanded.

"Nothing!" Hercules exclaimed, with a half-attempted wounded look.

Suddenly, John burst into tears. Alex looked at him, shocked.

"I-It's my f-father!" John sobbed, turning to Alexander with a tortured look in his eyes. "He's coming to visit m-me on Monday!"

Alex blinked. "Tomorrow?"

John nodded fearfully.

 _I personally don't know anything that's going on between John and his father. Whatever it is, it must be horrible. John is frightened to death._

The, suddenly, Alex was very angry.

" _What has he done to you?"_ he hissed at John.

John looked at Alex, eyes wide, and panicked. Then, he started babbling.

"My father, Henry, _hates_ my mother because their families basically forced an arranged marriage upon them, so that meant he could never marry the girl he actually loved. And because he knew that she never wanted any children, he raped my mother several times, and, well, my siblings and I were born. Eventually, in a fit of rage, he beat her to death, and had his slaves… has his slaves burn and grind her ashes up to… to… to make _fertilizer for his plantation!"_

Alex clamped his hands to his mouth, suddenly feeling nauseous. He looked at Lafayette, who was a sickly shade of green. Hercules was just staring blankly back.

"I-I remember how his slaves wept as they-" John cut off abruptly and puked all over the floor.

"John!" Alex said, reaching out and touching his shoulder gently. "Maybe you should stop-"

But John shook his head stubbornly. "-wept as they mixed her ashes into the dirt and spread it through the cotton fields. After that, he started drinking heavily, and when he was angry and drunk, he tended to beat us up."

Alex understood that "us" meant John and his siblings.

"And, one day, my brother, James, ran away. My father was so angry, he almost beat one of my sisters, Martha, to death. Even 'till today, she's still recovering, mentally and physically. It happened almost two years ago.

"My oldest brother, Henry Jr., went out to go and find James. He never came back. Just last year, he sent me an email. He told me that he had found my younger brother just a few days after he began searching, but they didn't return back to my father's house. Instead, they started new lives, working to free slaves and end slavery, starting in eastern South Carolina.

"About a month after Martha was beaten up, my father caught me holding hands with my best friend since kindergarten. He accused me of being gay, beat me up, and, well, basically banished me. He sent me across the country to New York, leaving poor Martha all by herself to feel his wrath for years to come.

"And now he's banished her too, except this time across an ocean to a strange country with strange people who don't even speak her language! Not to mention that she's still extremely frail and sickly. Martha and I were so close during m-my childhood, and now I d-don't t-think I'll ever s-see her again!"

John was trembling by now, and his face was a very pale white. He looked at Alex with huge, teary eyes. Alex stared, horrified and saddened by John's past.

Without thinking, he scooted over to John and quickly enveloped the smaller boy in a hug. John leaned in and cried on his shoulder, just like he did after the Jefferson Incident.

* * *

Lafayette reached out to Hercules and caught hold of his hand. Both sat very still, never having heard John's full story before. They had only known that Henry was abusive, homophobic, and an alcoholic.

"Mon ami," Lafayette said weakly. "It's okay. We'll get through this together. You're part of our family — a new and better family — and we're part of yours. We won't run away or ever desert you. We can do this. You don't have to do it alone, d'accord?"

"D'accord," John whimpered. He curled his fingers in tighter around the fabric of Alex's shirt.

* * *

John breathed in Alex's warm scent and could hear his heartbeat, strong and steady.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

John curled up tighter in Alex's arms, feeling very vulnerable and exposed. He just wanted to hide in Alex's shirt forever. It was dark, warm, and no one could see his tear-streaked face. John felt like shit whenever he thought of his father, so he tried to not think about Henry often.

John was never _in_ love with Adrian. He just loved him like a brother. The only reason he was holding hands with him was because Adrian slipped on the icy sidewalk, and John reached out and caught his hand to keep his friend from falling.

Henry had to appear just then.

"It's okay, John, we can do this," Alex whispered in his ear. John just snuggled deeper into Alex's embrace, humming an indistinct answer. Alex squeezed him reassuringly.

Lafayette said something, but John paid no attention, already drifting off into sleep, lulled by the sound of Alex's heartbeat and the of security and safety of his arms.

* * *

John woke up in his bed, tucked in, his face clean of vomit. It was about eight-thirty in the evening. He glanced at his flower bowl. He had added a lilac bloom that he found outside his doorstep about a week ago.

John stumbled out of bed, feeling disoriented. The only thought he seemed to be able to grasp was Alexander holding him until he fell asleep. He staggered out of his room and into Lafayette's.

John stopped outside of the kitchen. Lafayette looked up from a book and Hercules stopped knitting.

"Alex," said John stupidly.

"He went home an hour ago after carrying you to your bed," Hercules said.

"Alex carried me to my bed?" John repeated.

Lafayette shrugged. "He's surprisingly strong. I guess he only looks scrawny."

John walked out of their room and back to his. He collapsed on his bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

In John's second period class, his phone started to buzz, alerting him to a call. John froze when he saw the name. Henry Laurens.

He showed it to Hercules, who smiled grimly, and raised his hand as John dashed out of the room.

John, shakily, pressed the "answer button". Henry started talking immediately.

"So, you bastard, I'm here. Say hello, you fucking faggot."

"Hello, father."

"Where the hell are you?"

"School."

"Then why the fuck did you answer my call, bitch? Shouldn't you be paying attention in class, you little gay shithead?"

"If I didn't pick up, you would be upset."

"Don't you fucking dare tell me what to feel, you piece of shit! Who says I should feel upset if you didn't pick up? In fact, It would have been better off if you didn't pick up at all! Then I could have been hoping that my fucking gay son-of-a-bitch crap piece of an excuse for a human being committed suicide!"

John swallowed painfully before continuing.

"So… uh, I should be getting back to class now, you know, so I don't miss much."

"You'd better get back, you little dipshit. Oh, and I'm in your dorm. Your drawings look just like the toilet paper does when I wipe my ass after taking a shit. I expect to meet your friends. And your girlfriend. Come back here right after school with them, you fucking ass-jabber, fagtard, ass-bangerfuckboy, homodumbshit thundercunt-headed jackass. You know the consequences."

Henry disconnected. John, trembling, walked back into class, his head spinning.

* * *

During lunch, John couldn't eat, even when Lafayette had threatened to shove a carrot stick down his throat. Hercules had fetched Alexander, who also tried to persuade John to eat, unsuccessfully.

John refused to tell Hercules what his father said during the call, which only made them worry more.

"Alex, you're one of the closest friends I've got," John pleaded. "Don't make me talk about him. I-I don't think I can."

Alex's eyes softened and he nodded.

"Hey, guys, John's already going to have to face his father today after school. Don't make him more nervous than he already is."

Hercules and Lafayette nodded guiltily.

"I'm just worried about you, John," Lafayette admitted.

"Aren't we all?" Hercules asked.

* * *

John was in a trance as he walked towards his motorcycle. Alex was besides him, flitting nervously from side-to-side. Lafayette jumped into Hercules's truck and they sped out of the parking lot.

"John, are you _sure_ that you'll be able to drive us? Safely?" Alexander asked, nervous.

"I-I'm sure," John said hazily.

Alex suddenly grabbed John's shoulders from behind and shook him, a bit roughly. John was jolted out of his daze and cried, surprised and a little bit angry.

"Alex, what was that for?"

"You're focused now, aren't you?" Alex grinned slyly.

John sighed as he felt his anger draining away. He could never stay mad at Alex for long.

"Yes I am," John said, offering Alex his helmet. "Let's go now."

"Keep the helmet, I wore it last time," Alex objected.

John rolled his eyes and squashed the helmet on Alex's head.

"If we crash or something, I'd rather you not get hurt," John said fiercely. "It wouldn't be your fault. You'd be innocent."

"John," Alex protested.

John just fastened the helmet in place and patted Alex's shoulder. "Hold on tightly now," John said, "and don't you dare fall off."

"Will do," Alex said, clambering on the motorcycle and encasing his arms around John's waist.

John ignored the thrill he felt when Alex wrapped his arms around him and spurred the motorcycle. Satan himself was waiting for them at the dorms.

* * *

 **Shit's just about to get real. I also had to look up a list of swear words because I'm just not creative enough. I'm also not that exposed to cuss words. Prior to this chapter, I knew maybe like five.**


	10. Henry Laurens

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

Alex, John, Lafayette, and Hercules were all standing outside John's dorm room. John was rather whitish and he looked like he was about to be sick. Personally, Alex was also rather afraid of what he would find in there, but he controlled his fear and tried to not let it show.

Hercules looked indifferent and Lafayette was stony-faced.

After a long moment, John, trembling, reached out and turned the doorknob. The door slowly swung open to reveal a large, beefy man dressed in a black silk suit. His face was handsome but cruel, with eyes sharp as flint and cold as ice. He smiled bitterly when he saw John, and his gaze flicked to the rest of the gang standing in the doorway.

Was it Alex's imagination, or did Henry's eyes linger on his face a little longer that was natural…?

"John," Henry said, "long time no see, hm?"

John opened his mouth and then closed it again, seeming lost for words.

"And who are these bastards behind you?" John's father asked, with a hint of a snarl.

"They're not bastards!" John spat, recovering. "They are _my friends!_ "

Henry's face contorted into an ugly smile. "They seem pretty bastardly to me."

Hercules started to make a move towards Henry, but John placed a hand on his chest while keeping his eyes on the principle threat in front of them.

"Let him be," John whispered, and Hercules retreated, still scowling heavily.

Henry shifted his gaze to Alex, and then snarled. "Who are you, boy?"

"A-Alexander Hamilton, sir," Alex said, his voice catching in his throat.

"Why the fuck are you all still lingering in the doorway?" Henry suddenly barked.

They stumbled into the room, Lafayette leaving the door open just a bit.

"Shut the door, you ass-crack!" Henry growled at Lafayette, who flushed as he did what Henry told him.

"Don't talk to them like that!" John exclaimed, shrilly.

"I can do whatever I want to do, you gay shit!" Henry roared. "Don't tell me what to do!"

He walked over and slapped John clean across the face.

"Hey!" Alex cried, angry.

Henry slowly turned away from John and glared at Alex. John's eyes were wide and scared.

"Alex, _no!_ " John whisper-shouted.

Henry's big fists were balled up. He took a threatening step towards Alex, but the smaller boy held his ground, eyes narrowed and sharp.

"Where is my son's girlfriend?" Henry spat at Alex.

"W-What?" Alex spluttered, caught off-guard. "John has a girlfriend?"

"No, I don't!" John exclaimed, embarrassed. "My father just… expects me to, uh, have one…" his voice trailed away.

"So," Henry said, his eyes still on Alex. "Is this faggot your boyfriend, then, John?"

"No!" John and Alex exclaimed at the same time, both turning pink.

Henry's snarl deepened as he saw the blush that covered both boys' faces.

"You gay son of a bitch!" Henry shouted, advancing on John. "You still haven't straightened yourself out, am I right?"

He withdrew a sloppily folded piece of paper from his pocket. He unfolded it and thrusted it under Lafayette's nose.

"Tell me what the fuck this is!" he yelled.

"Ah, um, oh mon dieu, qu'est-ce que je dois faire?" Lafayette stuttered, his eyes wide.

"Tell me, you douchebag!" Henry barked.

"Don't you dare call Lafayette a douchebag!" Hercules shouted. "If there is a douchebag in the room, it's definitely you!"

" _No_ , Hercules," John groaned, swaying on the spot.

Henry observed Hercules for a second before punching him squarely in the jaw. Hercules was large, but Henry was bigger, and after a few seconds, he had Hercules pinned to the ground.

"Tell me what that piece of shit is, you French faggot, or your boyfriend's not going to leave the hospital bed for a long time!"

Lafayette let out a sob before glancing at the paper. He quickly recoiled.

"Well?" Henry demanded.

"It's a boy," Lafayette said haltingly.

Henry punched Hercules on the jaw again and spat, "Be more specific! Who is it?"

Lafayette and John exchanged despairing glances.

"It's Alex," Lafayette mumbled.

"What? SPEAK LOUDER!" Henry shouted, this time punching Hercules in the neck.

The tailor's apprentice let out a horrible, strangled choking noise.

"It's Alex!" Lafayette cried, letting out another dry sob.

"I thought so," Henry snarled, getting off Hercules, who immediately jumped up and backed up into a wall.

"You gay bastard, how can you explain this drawing of Alex-fucking-ander in your book?"

"I-I-" John choked, but he didn't get to finish.

Henry had sprung towards him and knocked John down, giving him a nasty uppercut. John shrieked.

"John!" Alex cried, flinging himself on top of Henry and shoving him off.

Henry quickly recovered and kicked Alex into a wall, where he slid down, feeling dazed. Then, through his fuzzy vision, Alex saw John spring up and grab a table lamp. He smashed the lamp across Henry's face. Henry roared, covering his cheek, and threw John across the room.

Then, Lafayette and Hercules came to the rescue and beat Henry back outside and locked the door behind him. Alex was dimly aware of the great deal of noise Henry was making, cussing at the top of his lungs and pounding at the door.

All four of them were still and silent, but breathing heavily, and at last, Henry seemed to have left. Lafayette tip-toed to the door and looked through the peep-hole.

"Henry's gone," he whispered.

Alex's vision was starting to clear, and he crawled over to John.

"John?" Alex whispered, touching the faintly-breathing boy's arm. "A-Are you okay?"

John slowly sat up, a trickle of blood running down his head.

"I'm okay," he murmured, his eyes dark.

"John, you're bleeding!" Alex said, fear shooting through him.

John frowned. "Am I?"

Alex swiped the trickle of blood away with his thumb and showed John. John stared at it, his eyes blank. He touched his scalp, his fingers coming away red.

"Alex," he whispered. John's eyes rolled up into his head and he passed out.

"LAFAYETTE!" Alex screamed. "HERCULES!"

* * *

John woke up, feeling sleepy and confused. He was lying in his bed again, but this time, he was not alone. Someone was stroking his hair, brushing it away from his damp forehead.

"Alex?" John whispered.

"I'm right here," Alex said, his face drawn and pale.

"Where's Lafayette? Hercules?"

"They're at school."

John frowned. "School?"

"It's Tuesday." Alex murmured.

"You should be in school too," John said hoarsely.

Alex just shook his head.

"I needed to stay behind to take care of you."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

"Honestly, I am, trust me."

Alex gave John a long look. "John, I trust you with my life, but I don't trust you to tell the truth."

"What kind of logic is that?" John mumbled.

"My logic," Alex replied.

John struggled to sit up, but Alex pushed him back down.

"Take it easy," Alex murmured.

"Up," John insisted.

Alex helped John into a sitting position, and then they sat in silence for awhile.

"You can go back to school," John said. "I'm okay now, I don't need anything."

Alex checked his watch. "No point, school's going to end in twenty-three minutes anyways."

John felt a prickle of guilt.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Alex looked at him. "For what?"

"Making you miss school."

"It's really no big deal, John. I'll just get the notes from Laf or Herc."

John still felt bad, and he knew that Alex could tell.

"Oh, John, really," Alex said. "To be honest, I don't really care. As long as I'm here, I know you're safe. That's a lot more important to me than school."

"Really?" John whispered.

"Friends over school," Alex said firmly. "No competition whatsoever."

John sighed as he drifted off to sleep.

 _I love you, Alex._

* * *

The next time John woke up, it was dark out, and the curtains will still drawn back. He was feeling a lot better. John swung his legs off the bed, and after a moment, gingerly stood up. They were shaking slightly, but held his weight.

John barely took a step forwards before he noticed a figure, illuminated by the soft moonlight, slumped over on the table, his glasses askew.

 _Alex is still here! Shouldn't he have left already? It's pretty late!_

John made his way over to Alex and shook his shoulder. Alex jerked upright, his glasses slipping off and skidding across the table.

"What is is, Burr?" he asked.

"Laurens," John corrected him.

Alex blinked and rubbed his eyes before reaching for his glasses and cramming them back on. He looked at John.

"You're awake!" Alex exclaimed. "How are you feeling?"

"Great," John said warmly. "Thanks to you."

Alex might have blushed, but it was hard to tell. "Oh, John, I really didn't do anything. I just changed your bandages and tried to get a little water in you while you were sleeping. That's all."

"Just you being there helped me recover," John insisted. 'Really."

"You truly think so?"

"I truly think so."

Alex grinned and stood up. He grabbed John's hands, and John felt something stir inside of his chest. His breath caught in his throat.

"Do you think you're well enough to go to school tomorrow?" Alex asked, so close that his breath stirred John's hair.

"Yes," John breathed back.

Alex smiled and so did John.

"Are you happy just because you get to go to school tomorrow?" John teased gently.

"I'm happy because you're okay now," Alex whispered.

"I'll always be okay as long as you're here," John said softy.

 _Oh! CRAP! Did I just say that? Out_ loud? _CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRA-_

"John?" Alex breathed.

"Yes, Alex?" John swallowed.

"I'd be happy as long as you stay by my side. Happy forever."

John almost started crying.

"John, are you okay?" Alex asked, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine," John said quickly.

Then he said something he wasn't even planning to.

"Would you like to stay the night?"

Alex laughed. "I'm not sure I had any other option, Laurens."

"You could have slept outside on a newspaper," John said.

"That's not an option."

"It's a possibility."

"Still not an option."

"It could be."

"For you, maybe. But not for me."

"Hey!" John said, laughing.

Alex just shrugged and grinned.

"Well," John said, pointing across the room. "You can sleep on that empty bed over there."

Alex clambered over and snuggled down underneath the sheets.

"Good-night, Laurens."

"'Night, Hamilton."

Within minutes, Alex was fast asleep. John slipped out of his bed and carefully crossed the room to Alexander. John bent down and smoothed some of Alex's hair away from his forehead.

John hesitated, but slowly, gently, pressed his lips to Alex's temple.

"Sleep well, Alex."

John crossed back over to his bed and laid back down. He closed his eyes, but it was a long time before sleep infiltrated his consciousness and he slipped into the unknown.

* * *

 **Haha, Johnny is so deeply in love with Alex! Henry is SUCH a bitch. WHY SO MANY LAMS?! I WASN'T PLANNING THIS MUCH! IT'S NOW LIKE ONE EVERY CHAPTER AND tHeiR rELAtiOnsHIp IsN'T devELoPeD EnoUGh! :o**


	11. Colors of Dawn

**Chapter Eleven**

* * *

Every day after school, Alex would immediately head over to the dorms with the gang, sometimes walking by himself or riding on John's motorcycle. They hung out, laughed, watched movies, and did homework together.

Over the weeks, Alex was seeing Eliza less and less, and taking longer and longer to respond to her texts. He was sitting with John, Lafayette, and Hercules at lunch now. One day, Alex thought he saw Eliza eating with her sisters and a few girls he didn't know.

He regretted his growing distance from Eliza, but it gave him an opportunity to try and forget his stupid little crush on her. He seemed to be winning.

John was laying on his stomach while Hercules was sitting on the couch, both scowling furiously as they faced-off each other in a video game. Suddenly, John groaned and Hercules jumped up, yelling "I WIN! Take THAT, turtle boy!"

"Shut up!" John sighed, throwing a pillow at Hercules. He caught the pillow and lobbed it back at John. It bounced harmlessly off of his head.

"Hey!" John grumbled, pushing his mussed hair back into place. "It was supposed to hit you, not me!"

"Are you sure about that?" Alex teased.

John rolled his eyes. "Yes."

Out of all the people in Alex's gang, he definitely felt that he was closest to John. They were all very good friends, but John was the one who seemed to understand and get along with him the best.

Alex turned back to his homework, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lafayette throw something at John.

* * *

Something light hit the side of John's head. John looked up and saw Lafayette staring at him. Lafayette glanced at Alex and then pointed to something on the ground near John. John looked down to find a crumpled-up piece of paper. He smoothed it out and read:

* * *

 _You_ like _like Alex, don't you? Tell the TRUTH!_

* * *

John glared at Lafayette, who was smirking slightly now, and scribbled on the back of the note.

* * *

 _No way! I just like him as a FRIEND!_

* * *

John crumpled the piece of paper back up and lobbed it back over to Lafayette. Alex and Hercules were oblivious.

After a few seconds, the paper hit John again, and this time squarely in the chest.

* * *

 _First of all, you really need to work on your aim, mon ami. Second of all, I see the way you look at him when you think he isn't looking. Idiot. Check to see if others are looking too if you want to keep your crush a secret._

* * *

John's breath caught in his throat as he wrote:

* * *

 _You wouldn't dare tell Alex!_

* * *

He chucked it at Lafayette, and the paper hit him squarely in the face. Lafayette grinned and gave John a double thumbs-up. John rolled his eyes and waited impatiently for Lafayette's answer.

* * *

 _I'm not going to tell him, John. I'm waiting for you to._

* * *

 _No way! I'm never going to tell him._

* * *

 _What if he likes you too?_

* * *

 _He doesn't see me that way. I'm just a friend to him. It's all I'm ever going to be._

* * *

 _Are you sure?_

* * *

 _Yes._

* * *

 _Open your eyes, John. That's all I'm going to say. Oh, yeah, and one more thing._

 _Gardons cela entre vous et moi. Tu ferais mieux de se dépêcher et de faire un déménagement. Quelqu'un d'autre regarde Alex aussi._

* * *

 _Who?!_

* * *

 _Not telling. Keep your eyes open, John._

* * *

John sat in silence for a few moments before shredding the paper into tiny bits and dumping it into the recycle bin. He couldn't afford to leave the paper lying around, even in the recycle bin, in a state of condition that still made the writing legible. Alex couldn't know. Ever.

* * *

Music was blaring out of Hercules's phone, which when placed in a cup, amplified the sound. Hercules and Lafayette were dancing together shamelessly on top of the kitchen table, but Alex and John hung back.

"Lafayette's actually pretty good at dancing." Alex said.

"Oh, yeah, he's the best," John said. Alex was looking at him a bit strangely. "At dancing," John quickly finished.

Alex smiled again and leaned backwards on the couch. He stretched, leaving a little sliver of skin exposed on his midriff. John caught himself staring and mentally slapped himself as he turned away, face glowing.

John was conscious that his and Alexander's knees were touching, and Lafayette's warning rang once again in his ears.

Gardons cela entre vous et moi. Tu ferais mieux de se dépêcher et de faire un déménagement. Quelqu'un d'autre regarde Alex aussi. Let's keep this between you and me. You'd better hurry up and make a move. Someone else looks at Alex as well.

It had been three days since the note was thrown, and ever since, the warning drifted through John's subconsciousness, sometimes surfacing briefly before sinking back down.

Once John was sure that his face wasn't cherry-red anymore, he turned back to Alexander. John caught Alex's eye and smiled shyly. Alex grinned back and scooched closer to him. He wrapped an arm around John's shoulders.

"You look cold," he murmured.

John's replied by resting his head on Alex's shoulder.

They enjoyed each other's company until sunset, the time when Alexander always walked home. John nuzzled Alex's shoulder good-bye at the door, and turned back to see Lafayette standing behind him, a knowing grin on his face.

"Laf-" John began.

"I know, I know," Lafayette laughed. "Not a word to anyone."

"Not a word, Laf. Not a word."

* * *

Later that night, John asked Alex if he wanted to meet him in Padoca on Sunday.

* * *

 **Turtlepurple22:** Hey Alex, want to hang out Padoca on Sunday? Nothing to do, super bored :l

 **My_Shot:** I'm really sorry, John, but Eliza asked me to do something with her that day! You know I really don't see her that much anymore, and I feel bad about it.

 **Turtlepurple22:** It's okay

 **Turtlepurple22:** Maybe sometime later?

 **My_Shot:** Sure, that would be great! Again, John, I'm really sorry!

 **Turtlepurple22:** Hey dude, no problem, really

 **My_Shot:** See you tomorrow, John.

 **Turtlepurple22:** See ya

* * *

John bit his lip as he felt all of his insecurities crash down around him again.

 _What if Alex really does like Eliza? What if she admits to Alex that she likes him and they get together? What if they never break up and they eventually get married? What if I'm never able to get over him? What if-_

"John, mon ami, dinner is ready!"

"Coming Laf!" John yelled, happy to be distracted from his depressing thoughts.

 _But what if they do get together…_

"Stop it," he growled to himself. "You'll only make it worse."

* * *

Alex sighed as he set down his phone. To be honest, he would rather hang out with John over Eliza any day, but he felt a pang of guilt whenever he thought about the sweetest Schuyler sister. He was letting one of his best friends slip away.

Just then, Alex got a text from Eliza saying that she was on her way. Alex curled up his fingers, praying to God that he was over he already.

 _There's no way I can win this battle if I already lost before it began._

Alex grinned nervously at the sight of Eliza, whose hair was down and flowing freely around her shoulders in the light breeze. Was it just his imagination, or did she look a little daunted as well?

"Alex!" Eliza called, rushing up to hug him. "It's been too long!"

"Way too long," Alex admitted as he returned the hug.

Eliza peered up into his eyes, and Alex felt his heart melt all over again.

 _Fuck._

"So," Alex said hurriedly, looking away from Eliza, "what are we going to do today?"

He hoped that she didn't notice the faint blush that was creeping up on his cheeks. Unluckily for him, Eliza saw, but she didn't say anything.

"Hm, I don't know," Eliza said, "but you picked last time, so now I get to choose!"

"Fair enough," Alex grinned.

* * *

"I love this place," Eliza sighed as she snuggled a fluffy, white rabbit.

They were in a local pet shelter, which apparently, received monthly donations from the Schuyler family. Eliza was more than welcome here.

"The cats here are pretty cute," Alex sighed, stroking a handsome ginger tabby. The cat let out a small meow and gazed up at Alexander with dark hazel eyes.

Alex smiled faintly as he remembered his and John's "cat attack" on Hercules the other day. As if sensing Alex's contentment, the orange cat meowed again and rubbed against him.

"Aw, look who found a new friend!" Eliza teased, the rabbit in her arms.

"Look who's talking." Alex grumbled, but smiled all the same.

The ginger tabby meowed loudly in protest when Alex got up to stroke the bunny.

Eliza laughed. " _Someone's_ jealous!"

"No matter what they tell you," Alex said to the cat, "You're still my favorite."

The tabby mewed and kneaded the floor with its small, white paws.

"You should totally adopt it!" Eliza gushed as the cat blinked up at Alexander adoringly.

"I wish," Alex said, sighing.

"Why not?"

"Well," Alex said awkwardly, "I'm not sure if I could afford him."

"Mentally, physically, or financially?"

"Definitely financially." Alex said, quickly. "I have no problem with cats whatsoever."

Eliza was silent for a minute before she answered, petting the rabbit. It wriggled out of her grasp and scampered away.

"I guess I could help pay for it…" She said slowly.

"No, it's okay," Alex said quickly. "You don't have to. I'll figure out something myself."

"No, really, it's okay!" Eliza said. "After all, that's what best friends do for each other. Help one another out."

Alex bit his lip. He felt guilt rise up around him in waves, threatening to drown him again. He didn't deserve Eliza. She was way better a person than he would ever be.

"Eliza," Alex said softly. "Please don't, I insist."

Eliza held his gaze for a long moment, and then sighed.

"Well, at least let me talk to the manager and ask him to give you a discount. He'd do anything for me!" she said cheerfully.

"That," Alex said, "I can believe."

* * *

It was sunset, and Alex was standing next to Eliza on the roof of an abandoned warehouse.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Alex asked nervously.

"It's fine," Eliza said nonchalantly. "Peggy and Maria come up here often. Nothing bad ever happens to them."

"Maria?" Alex questioned.

"Maria Reynolds." Eliza said. "The girl who Peggy has been mooning over for the past year."

"Doesn't Maria go to King's?" Alex asked.

"Mhm," Eliza hummed. "She's my best girl friend."

Alex was silent as he watched the sun set behind the green hills. A few clouds were visible on the horizon, but not enough to block the magnificent colors streaking across the sky.

"I love the sunset," Eliza sighed. "It's the most beautiful time of day."

"Really?" Alex asked. "I'm more of a dawn person, to be honest."

"But sunset is more colorful!" Eliza protested.

"Maybe so," Alex admitted, "But dawn symbolizes many things to me. It's a new beginning, the start of a new life. Many things could go wrong, of course, but the dawn always comes. Night after night after night."

Eliza was looking at him quizzically.

"Alexander Hamilton, the philosopher," she laughed softly, hugging herself.

"Alexander Hamilton, the workaholic," he corrected, tapping the tips of his fingers together.

"Even you admit it!" Eliza teased gently, flicking him lightly on his shoulder. "You should take a break, Alex."

"Already am," he pointed out.

"True."

"Eliza-"

She laughed. "Shut up, Alex. Let me have the final word for once."

"Okay," he relented.

"Just enjoy the sunset."

"Will do."

The sun glowed softly from its bed of color, its golden rays hitting both figures perched on top of the building, throwing their long shadows behind them.

Eliza, very slowly, took Alex's hand, and when he didn't shake her away, leaned against his shoulder.

* * *

Alex almost cried.

* * *

 **YO, YO WHAT TIME IS IT? Time to get a watch. Hey, I just finished this chapter on my iPad, which was very painful, so apologies if the formatting or something else is off... some more Hamliza I see, but a small LAMS as well. I keep on telling you that there will be Lams, and I do fulfill that promise! By giving you small Lams! Possibly painful ones in the future! Did I mention that I hate Hamliza? Like I mentioned before, I'm actually in Eurpoe right now! I really don't think that I can type a whole 2,000+ word chapter on an old and slightly malfunctioning iPad, so from here on out, this might be the last upload for POSSIBLY a week+. Real' sorry, and I PROMISE, as soon as I get home, I'll type the next chapter! :D**


	12. Hot Knives

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

Alexander bit his lip as he watched John, once again, plunk down in a chair next to a girl he didn't know just before their fourth period class. John seemed to be avoiding in him these past weeks, ever since Alex rejected his offer to hang out. Alexander wondered if he had somehow hurt John horribly.

Whatever people say about girls having more complicated emotions that boys, that's false. Boys can have extremely complex emotions as as well. And be just as confusing.

The truth was, Alex just couldn't stand being this distanced from John. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, longing for something so badly, it would hurt just to move.

It was like something was missing constantly. Like wearing shoes with only one sock, or forgetting your pencil every day to school, or drinking tea… without putting in the actual leaves.

Alex missed John so badly, it felt like he was being torn apart, minute after painful minute. His other half was gone. As much as Alex hated to admit, he just _needed_ John, just as he needed coffee or his computer.

Alex sat by himself in the back, next to James Reynolds and Charles Lee, two well-known Jefferson-worshippers. To make matters worse, Samuel Seabury plunked down right in front of him, most likely planted there by Thomas, just to make Alex's life more miserable.

* * *

After class ended, Alex hurriedly packed away his things and rushed after John, who was striding quickly towards the door.

"John," Alex panted, grabbing the freckled boy's arm.

John visibly cringed away and yanked his arm out of Alex's grasp. He turned away and faced the wall, muttering something unintelligible.

"What?" Alex asked, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"I have to go now, got something to do." John mumbled fleetly, brushing Alex's hand away.

 _He won't even look at me._

Alex relinquished his weak and feeble conversational grasp on John and the boy shot out of the door like a bat out of hell. After a few minutes, when most of the class had exited, only then did Alex begin to follow in John's hastily planted footfalls.

* * *

Alex felt a hand close around his arm. He froze, his heart leaping.

"John?" he asked, not daring to turn around.

"Aaron, actually."

"Oh, heh, Aaron Burr, sir, how may I be of assistance?" Alex asked, slowly turning around to face the serious face of the taller boy.

"I can see that something has happened between you and John, and has driven you two apart." Aaron stated mildly.

"Aha, what? No, nothing's— everything's just fine."

Aaron sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Don't lie to me, Alexander. You're wasting my time, and I haven't got a lot to spare. But I'm setting some aside just for you."

"Why?" Alex questioned, genuinely confused and feeling a little apprehensive.

"I just want to tell you to not let John stray too far away from you. You need to get him back. _Need to_."

Alex stared at Aaron, mouth partially agape. "Why are you saying — telling — me this?"

"I don't want you to suffer the same fate as me," he said softly, eyes clouding in pain.

"Aaron? What happened?" Alex asked gently.

Burr looked away, and a very dreamy, but sad, expression crossed his face.

"Her name is Theodosia," he said softly, "and I loved her since our high school freshman year. I was always too shy to tell her my feelings, and we were never more than just friends. Only last year, she got together with someone else. They're getting married in June."

Alex reached out and placed his hand on Aaron's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I really am."

Aaron looked him dead in the eye. "Go get John," he almost growled, his eyes suddenly burning with a firey passion.

"I will!" Alex declared before striding off quickly, heading for John's room with one thought dominating his mind.

 _I will not lose John._

* * *

Alex strode up to John's room, slightly out of breath, and knocked several times, very loudly on the door. He waited, and waited, but no one answered.

"John!" Alex cried. "I know you're in there! I want to talk to you!"

He placed his hand on the door. It was cold and hard.

There was still silence.

"John, please!" Alex yelled, starting to panic.

 _I can not lose John! I can't! I won't!_

"John, I know you're mad at me right now, and I have absolutely no idea why! I just want you to know that I'd never, EVER, intentionally try to hurt you in any way, shape, or form! John, please! I can't lose you!" Alex felt some desperation creep into his voice, and he let his hand slide slowly down the smooth, wooden door.

Alex squeezed his eyes shut and a few stray tears leaked out. He brushed them away impatiently, and then turned around, defeated, hopeless, hunched-over, and sad. But, he hadn't taken a few steps before he heard the door creak open slightly.

Alex froze and looked around slowly. He caught sight of one hazel eye, dark, but bright at the same time, before the door swiftly snapped shut again.

"John?" Alex called hopefully, his voice cracking under his emotional stress.

There was only silence, but Alex, with some newfound strength, strode up to the door and knocked softly one last time.

"John?" he whispered.

Somewhere in the depths of the door, he heard a lock click.

 _Had he locked it? Or perhaps_ un _locked it…?_

Alex took a deep breath and grasped the brass door handle. He turned it slowly, and when he had found it to be unlocked, pushed open the door.

"John, I demand to know what—" Alex barged into the room and was about to go off into a long rant, but stopped when he caught sight of John.

All the drawings and sketches had come off the walls, and laid in messy and disorganized piles around the room. John was calmly sitting in the corner, finger-painting messy red smiley-faces in the places that pictures had once been.

"John?" Alex whispered, taking a step forwards. Now he was close enough to see how demented the faces really were. They were horrible and terrifying, pictures of insanity and cruelty, and the faces were laughing as they died, spilling the horrible red paint from their empty eye-sockets and gaping holes of mouths.

"John," Alex choked, falling to his knees in the center of the room, his head bent towards the floor.

"What have I done? What did I do to you?" he gasped, trying to fight back tears.

Alex heard the soft rustle of fabrics and the approaching sound of footsteps, but he did not look up. A pair of paint-splattered sneakers stopped right before him. Only then did Alex look up.

John was staring down at him, stony-faced, carrying a bucket of paint. The red was so deep and crimson, Alex had almost convinced himself for a second that it was blood. The paint bucket thumped down besides him, splattering both of their clothes with red.

"Alex, get up." John's voice was soft and almost musical.

Alex slowly stood up, feeling as if the world was slowly spinning. John's hands were still dripping with paint when he reached up and smeared a single red smiley face on Alex's cheek.

"What did I do?" Alex sobbed.

"Nothing," John whispered. "This is just all in my head."

"What did I do?" Alex pressed. "How did I manage to resurrect this side of you, John, where did you go?!"

"I am right here," John said simply.

"No you're not," Alex breathed. "You're a million miles away."

John clenched his fists and jaw shut and turned away from Alex. He staggered out of the room. Alex started to follow him, but then he reeled back in shock and horror as John re-entered the room, wielding a large knife.

Alex tried to scream, but his voice wasn't working as John advanced on him, eyes empty and dead.

"John, please!" Alex pleaded.

John just stared at him. Alex was now backed up against a wall, wet paint squishing into his shirt.

"John," Alex whispered, weakly, one more time.

"Alex, what are you doing? Move!" John demanded, his voice a little slurred.

"What?" Alex blanched.

"I said move, idiot! Do you want to get skinned by this knife?" John repeated, his voice a little clearer.

"Uh, no!" Alex squeaked and quickly scrambled away.

John crouched down and quickly, deftly, began to scrape the drying parts of the red paint from the wall. Alex, sat, transfixed, memorized, and dazed as he watched John work.

"I thought… I thought you were going to kill me," Alex said after a few minutes, voice hoarse.

John barely spared him a glance before snorting angrily.

"Idiot," he muttered. "I would never kill you. I would never kill anyone."

"You looked just about ready to murder me," Alex said.

John finished scraping the paint away and carelessly flung the knife over his shoulder as he inspected his finished work. Then he turned back to Alex, eyes ablaze with a terrible rage.

"Do you know, do you know how much agony you left me in? You just… all the times you… do you know what you're doin — aargh!" John cried out, running his sticky paint-hands through his hair, leaving streaks of glistening crimson.

"Alexander Hamilton, because of you, I'm officially a _ruin!_ "

"John…" Alex murmured.

" _Ruined_ , Hamilton, _RUINED!_ I'm an emotional mess! My right brain is destroyed! Obliterated! My feelings… they're all over the place! God, I hate myself!"

"John, you are not a ruin!" Alex said firmly.

"How would you know?" John's voice held a few notes of hysteria. "You aren't me, hell, you barely know me! No one knows me! I don't even know myself!"

"I used to feel like that too," Alex whispered. "When I was younger… when I was confused and destroyed, deranged, my family either dead or gone, my home smited and wrecked. I was just living on the streets, under a blanket, the putrid stench of rotting human flesh… bugs swarming the carcasses… another day, another excellent view of the carnage. I was dead inside."

John was looking at him with rounded eyes. "You…?"

"Oh, am I talking too loud?" Alex blushed, looking down. "Sometimes I get over-excited, shoot off in the mouth…"

Alex looked up and was met by the glow of relief in John's eyes. Alex crossed the meager few feet that separated them, and crouched down besides John.

"You're never alone," Alex whispered.

John's eyes glowed with a fire, but this time, a soft and comforting one.

"And neither are you," he replied easily, effortlessly, back.

"That's my John," Alex laughed softly.

"Who says I'm _your_ John?" John smirked. "I don't belong to anyone, 'cept myself."

"Shame," Alex sighed. "And here I thought you were a keeper."

" _Did_ you now?" John asked flirtatiously.

"Oh yes I did," Alex said with equal verve.

John stood up and offered his hand. Alex accepted it and was pulled to his feet. John dragged Alex closer and sighed into his ear.

"My, my, my, aren't you dirty…?" John whispered, flicking specks of dried paint into Alex's hair.

"John, stop!" Alex pleaded, laughing. But on the inside, he was actually somewhat uncomfortable.

"Who's going to make me?" John asked.

"I am, Laurens. That's who," Alex said firmly, gently pushing John away.

John peered into Alex's eyes curiously, and then gave a soft and understanding smile. Alex just wasn't ready yet.

Most likely, John wasn't either.

They were lounged out on John's couch, the drawings tacked up onto John's walls once more.

"You know, you could come by to my place and we could watch a movie… or two… sometime soon," John yawned.

"Sure, I'd love to do that!" Alex jumped on the offer right away. "Shall we say on Friday, after school?"

John smiled, pleasantly surprised that Alex had accepted his offer so eagerly. "That'd be fine. Just the two of us, nobody else, okay? You owe me!" he laughed, teasing Alex gently.

"I suppose I do!" Alex smiled.

* * *

He ended up doing and finishing his homework at John's. It took way longer than necessary. Instead of finishing at about the four hour mark, they ended up finally being able to rest their quills at about the top of the seventh.

"It's your fault!" Alex complained. "You keep on distracting me!"

"I can't help that I'm so cute!" John sighed dramatically.

"I know— genetics." Alex huffed. Then he reddened when he realized that he was implying that he found John attractive.

"Uh, I mean," Alex stuttered.

"Oh, shut up, you great old badger," John laughed. "Don't you turn around now and tell me that you find me ugly!"

"Um," Alex mumbled, blushing furiously.

"Bloody hell, Alex, you're blushing up quite a storm there!"

Alex, shocked, teetered on the edge and off the couch. He looked up in surprise.

" _P-Peggy?"_ he gasped.

"Yep, that's me alright!" she laughed, swinging her bookbag cheerfully as she slammed the door shut and plopped down next to John.

"Peggy, what're you doing here?" John asked, surprised.

Peggy rolled her eyes. "Well, you gave me one of your spare set of room-keys a month ago, so I just thought that it meant you wanted me to pop on by once in awhile."

"Oh, yeah, that'd be great! And I'm sorry," John said quickly. "I'd love to have you by anytime."

"So," Alex said. "Peggy, how's Eliza doing?"

* * *

Peggy just stared at him.

 _Why in the world would he start talking about Eliza when_ John's _standing right next to him?_

She hadn't missed the flash of jealousy that crossed John's face at the mention of her older sister. Even if she hadn't been hanging around John or Alex these past few months, she had been keeping contact with Lafayette. He had been giving her frequent updates on all the juicy Alex-John gossip.

"She's doing just fine," Peggy said brusquely, glancing apologetically at John.

 _Despite being at the top of his grade, sometimes Alex can be a total idiot._

* * *

Alex watched Peggy leave with a curt and almost remorseful goodbye, he was not going to admit that he wasn't confused. He was. Alex turned to John, and then the realization hit him, and he almost slapped himself.

 _Goddamnit, I asked Peggy about Eliza when John was standing next to me! I'm so_ fucking _stupid!_

"John…?" he began uncertainly.

John didn't react.

"I-I'm sorry. That wasn't fair to you, what I just asked Peggy. I could go now, if you'd like."

Alex waited for John's answer. After a few minutes, John shook his head.

"Stay," he whispered, clutching Alex's sleeve like a lifeline.

"Hey," Alex said, smiling a bit.

"Hey," John echoed softly, his mouth curving to match Alex's.

* * *

 **HERE COMES THE GENERAL! Sorry, I have that song stuck in my head. So, anyways, I'm back in the US! So I can write more, FINALLY, yay! I want to tell you a little story, okay? Okay. So when I was boarding the plane to fly to London, I was singing Angelica's little part in Non-Stop. (I am sailing off to London, accompanied by someone who always pays, I have found a wealthy husband to keep me in comfort for all my days, etc.) And when I landed back in the US, I jumped off the plane and screamed, "WHAT'D I MISS?" I got some funny looks, but it was definitely worth it. Bye y'all. :)**


	13. Hopeless Love

**Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

"Hey, how much does it cost to adopt a baby turtle?"

Alex was standing in the pet shop that Eliza had taken him to a few weeks ago. The frigid November air swirled through the open windows, and Alex shivered. The woman behind the counter clicked her mouse a few times before replying. She was about his age, and her name tag read "Martha Manning".

"The turtle itself will only cost twenty-five dollars," she said, "but the aquarium and the filtering system can cost anywhere from three-hundred dollars to six-hundred."

"Uh," Alex stammered.

The woman glanced at him sympathetically. "Perhaps I can do something to help lower the cost. Here, wait."

She picked up a phone and rang it. She was deeply enveloped in conversation for a few minutes before hanging up, smiling.

"I have some good news," she said. "If you volunteer here for thirty hours this month, I can cut the cost of the tank and filter _combined_ to a meager thirty-five dollars, max."

"Really?" Alex gasped. "Oh my god, thank you so much!"

The woman smiled. "No problem."

"Can I adopt one now?" Alex asked.

"Of course," she said warmly. "Here, let me show you them…"

* * *

Alex walked out of the shelter loaded down by a heavy tank full of water and other turtle necessities. He would have to make a separate trip for the turtle itself.

 _There's no way I can carry this back to my dorm. I need someone to drive me._

Alex pulled out his phone and dialed a number he had memorized long ago.

"Hey, Herc! I have a favor to ask you and your truck…"

* * *

Hercules grunted with exertion as together, they hauled the tank into Alex's apartment room.

"Man, this is so heavy," Herc complained.

"Oh, shut up, Mulligan." Alex panted. "Stop complaining."

"Don't pretend that you find this dumb-ass tank easy to lift, Hamilton."

"I don't."

Hercules groaned when they were finally able to set the tank down gently on Alex's table. He stretched while glancing around Alex's apartment.

"Brah, your room _sucks._ "

Alex smiled wanly. "I don't have much choice. It was the only one I could afford."

Hercules just shook his head. "I'll stop by on Friday after school to load this to John's. Can't promise I'll be there at exactly 3:10, but I'll try."

"And remember to be extra careful next time because the turtle will be in there," Alex reminded him.

"Yeah," Hercules sighed. "You know I wouldn't be doing this for anyone except you guys, right? I'm definitely _not_ doing this for Eliza."

"Oh, don't worry, you won't have to," Alex said lightly.

"I'll try not to," Hercules said. "Hopefully, next time, Lafayette will be a more of a help than you. I practically carried the whole thing myself."

"No you didn't!" Alex protested. "I helped to lighten the load a bit!"

"Not enough," Hercules grumbled, ruffling the shorter boy's hair affectionately.

"Herc!" Alex complained.

"See you tomorrow, Alex."

"Good-bye, Herc."

* * *

It was Thursday. Alex was sitting with John and the girl that he had been hanging out with for the past few weeks. She looked familiar to Alex, and he couldn't quite place his finger on it until she introduced herself.

"Martha Manning, pleasure to meet you!" she said.

"Oh!" Alex exclaimed. "You work at the pet shelter!"

She smiled and laughed. "Volunteer, actually. That reminds me, when are you going to start doing your hours?"

"Ah, I'll see if I can do a few this weekend."

John's eyes flicked back and forth Alex and Martha, and he was looking quite confused. Seeing John's bemused expression, Alex laughed, and so did Martha. John scowled and stuck his tongue out at them.

"Guys, stop," John sighed. "You're being _mean!_ "

"Oh, I'm _so sorry_ , John!" Martha giggled.

"No you're not!" John shot back, glaring at Martha through lively and sparkling eyes.

"Yes," Alex agreed. "I'm not sorry!"

"Alex," John groaned good-naturedly, pulling a face.

Just then, Miss Clarke walked in, bright orange hair and all. She was carrying a large stack of papers.

"Okay, chaps!" she shouted. "You're getting your mid-trimester finals back today, and, you also have a pop-quiz!"

John, Alex, and Martha all simultaneously groaned. All three minored in political science, and all of them, unfortunately, had gotten Miss Clarke. She absolutely loved giving pop-quizzes.

The class was not amused.

"Oh, come _on!_ " Charles Lee complained loudly. "Not another one! We just had one of those damn things on Monday!"

"Language, Lee!" Miss Clarke barked. "Or I'll have to report you to Washington!"

Charles narrowed his eyes but held his tongue.

"I don't give a shit to what Washington thinks of me!" Charles spat to Samuel Seabury. "He's just another bastard in my book!"

Alex tensed and glared at Charles, but John laid a hand on his arm.

"Don't," he begged Alex.

Alex locked eyes with Charles and narrowed his eyes dangerously. Lee simply rolled his eyes and flipped Alex off from under the desk.

Seething, Alex was just about to march over there and slap Lee silly.

"Alex, Miss Clarke is coming!" Martha warned.

Alex recomposed himself and accepted the pop-quiz meekly. He breezed through, and John also finished remarkably quickly. Martha took a bit longer, but she was still one of the first ones to turn it in.

"Easy," she whispered, bumping John's fist.

"Easy," John mouthed, elbowing Alex in the side.

"Easy," Alex breathed, drumming his fingers playfully on Martha's notebook.

When the last person, John Adams, had finally turned in his paper, only then did Miss Clarke pass back the mid-trimester exams.

* * *

Alex's stomach was churning as he reached out to receive his paper. He took it with trembling hands, and Miss Clarke gave him a sympathetic but encouraging look.

"It's not bad, hun, I promise," she said sincerely as she walked away.

Alex slowly turned the paper around and almost fainted. He slumped over in his seat and John ripped the test out of Alex's hands. He let out a loud whoop.

" _One-hundred-and-seventeen percent!"_ John yelled extremely loudly. Half of the class had turned at look at him and Alex curiously. "Congratulations Alex, I knew you would get some freakishly-high score!"

Martha snatched her paper from Miss Clarke and then smiled. "Ninety-five percent, I'm satisfied."

"What'd you get, John?" Alex said.

He shrugged. "Haven't gotten it back yet."

Alex could tell beneath his seemingly-careless exterior, John was actually very nervous. Alex took John's hand from underneath the table and gave a little reassuring squeeze. John smiled and Alex grinned back.

Just then, Miss Clarke dropped John's exam on his desk.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "May I?"

John nodded feverishly.

Alex picked up the exam and beamed at John's full marks.

"One-hundred!" he whispered into John's ear.

John moaned and slumped over in relief.

"Thank God!" he sighed.

"No, thank _you_ ," Alex corrected.

"Yes, thank me." John agreed. "I'm going to Hell anyways, no need to thank God for anything!"

"Heh, well at least I'll be there too! And Lafayette and Herc! The whole gang will join you!" Alex laughed.

John started cracking up, right there in the middle of class. He earned quite a few more stares from their classmates.

"Whaaaaat?" Martha asked when John was finally able to come down to Earth.

Alex and John caught each other's eyes and smirked, leaving a bewildered Martha glancing back-and-forth between them.

* * *

It was Friday, thank God — no, thank John (even though it was, really, thank the universe) — and Alex couldn't wait for school to end, something that he never thought could happen to him.

They — him and John — had not breathed a word to anyone of their plans under a silent and never-mentioned vow. Breaking it yielded the penalty of death.

He chattered and worked happily with Hercules all through his first lecture, pissed Jefferson off and doped about with Lafayette and Martha during second, ran around crazily during lunch with John and nearly smashed into Washington, roasted Charles Lee in his third class while the rest of the room egged him on, and finally breezed through his last seminar with John and Martha.

* * *

It was a fine day, warm and bright for early November, with a light breeze. Alex was stalling John, hoping to buy Hercules and Lafayette enough time to get the turtle and the tank safely secured in John's dorm room.

"Alex, can we go now? I told you that we're binge-watching all eight Harry Potter movies! We have to start as soon as possible… unless you'd rather stay up all night?"

"Well, that would be nice," Alex said. "It'd be like one very long sleepover, but without the sleeping part."

"Ugh, Alex! But I _like_ sleeping!" John complained. "Even though I know you don't."

"I presume you're an early bird?" Alex asked.

"And I bet you're a night owl," John sniffed.

"So? What's wrong with being a night owl?"

"Well, for starters, you'd be staying up late, which means that you'd wake up later, which is _not_ good for college students like yourself who have early-morning classes."

"Yeah," Alex said, "But early birds miss out."

John rolled his eyes. "On what?"

"Uh— stuff."

"Like what?"

"Um… the moon rising?"

"Alex, the moon rises at like 5:30. Post Meridiem."

"Well."

Pause.

"I think I won this round."

"I suck at life."

"Don't worry, I do too."

Alex and John grinned at each other like total idiots. Charles Lee swept out of the school building unexpectedly and hissed, "The stench of gay is strong here," before bolting into the parking lot and racing away in a red Chevy.

"Aye, fuck him," John said, blushing.

"Yes," Alex agreed wholeheartedly. "He's still fuming from this morning."

John smiled slyly. "Bet he is."

"I know he is," Alex smirked.

"So… whatcha say about getting to my place? I'm really stoked about watching [insert lots of spoilers] and [another spoiler] and especially [spoiler], can't miss when [spoiler alert!], my heart was nearly ripped from my chest! Oh, I wonder how poor [spoiler] took it when [spoiler, spoiler, spoiler, spoiler, spoiler]!"

"Fangirl much?" Alex snickered.

* * *

They had their usual argument about the helmet, and it ended in the usual way. But, John promised to go out later that weekend to buy a second helmet so that they could each have one while riding on John's motorcycle.

"Good," Alex sighed. "I won't have to feel guilty anymore about stealing the helmet from you, and leaving you unprotected."

John shrugged and smiled. "I'd rather you have it than me."

Alex tightened his arms around John's waist and replied with, "You know what I'd want."

John nodded. "Yes, I know. You'd want you to wear it so you'd be safe."

"No," Alex said. "I'd rather have _you_ wear it so _you'd_ be safe."

John grinned. "See, I know you!"

Alex groaned as he realized how John had played with his words.

"I win again!" John declared as he spurred the motorcycle and practically flew to his dorm room.

At least, to Alex it felt like they were flying.

* * *

John unlocked the door and his jaw immediately dropped. He screamed and ran inside. Alex, smiling, followed.

"Alex-Alex-Alex, did you do this?!" he cried out, his nose pressed to the turtle's tank, which was conveniently placed on a table right in front of the door.

"Er… yes?" Alex blushed.

John ran over to him and wrapped his arms around Alex, squeezing him as if his sole purpose in life was to deliver a bone-crushing hug. Alex laughed into John's hair, who gave a hysterical scream of joy in return.

John drew back and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Oh my GOD, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me, Alexander Hamilton!"

He blushed beet-red and Alex followed in same pursuit.

"Aww," Alex said, ducking his head, embarrassed. "John, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me too!"

John's eyes shone like twin stars, and suddenly, the freckles splashed across his face looked like constellations. Alex could almost make out Capricorn and Scorpius.

It was John's turn to duck away self-consciously. Alex nearly slapped himself when he realized that he was doing it _again!_ He really needed to stop staring at John like a total idiot for long periods of time.

PURELY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP. Alex liked Eliza, not John.

Heh, yeah right.

Oh, who was he kidding?

There was no way he could deny it any longer. He was in love with his best friend.

He fell in love with John so fast, he didn't realize he even _liked_ John it until he was already past the "crush" phase.

* * *

 _Goddamnit._

* * *

 **Lord, show me how to say no to this, I don't know how to say no to this, my God she looks so helpless *looks down at me from third-person view* and the Lams-obsessed part of her brain is saying "hell yes"! So… it was nearly midnight when I finished this chapter, sorry if it sounds like a load of crap. Lots of love, and lots of Lams! (Especially in the next chapter! *insert lenny face here because dumb Fanfic doesn't let the whole thing show up***


	14. Sinners and Saints

**Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

 _Ding!_

John eagerly opened the microwave, sighing as the fresh and buttery smell of popcorn flooded his senses. He reached in to grab the bag, but immediately withdrew his hand, hissing and cradling it.

"John?" Alex called from across the room, concern plain and evident in his voice. "Is everything okay?"

"Ah— yes." John said. "The bag is very hot, and I just touched it."

Alex sprung up and crossed the room. He took John's burned hand and examined it. John watched him closely. There had been a subtle shift in the way that Alex was acting around him now. John just couldn't quite place his finger on it, which just left him confused.

"Well… it doesn't look bad. Just red and a bit swollen. You should probably go rinse it under cold water."

John nodded and walked over to the sink, spraying icy water on his irritated hand. After a few seconds, it started to feel better, the pain withdrawing.

"Thanks," John told Alex.

"No problem," Alex grinned.

* * *

After about five minutes, John stopped the flow of water after a guilty jolt to his gut.

 _I shouldn't be wasting water._

John shook his head remorsefully.

 _So much for trying to help save the environment._

"John, you ready?"

John looked over his shoulder to find Alex sprawled out across the couch, which actually looked very cute. Two bowls of popcorn sat in front of him, untouched.

"Aren't you going to leave any room for me?" John complained, drying his hands on a dish towel.

"Come on over here, and we'll see," Alex purred.

"I think I will," John said, marching over.

* * *

John lifted an eyebrow at Alex, who was literally lounging on his couch like it was his throne.

"Don't get too comfortable," he warned Alex playfully.

Alex just yawned pointedly.

"Okay, that's it!" John exclaimed.

He pounced on Alex, much like a cat, and managed to shove him to a side of the couch. Alex was squirming and laughing, which made John start to giggle too. Then, out of nowhere, a strong pair of arms fastened themselves around John. He found himself pinned to Alex's chest.

John blinked, surprised and a little bit giddy. He was laying on top of Alex, John's head on his chest, Alex's arms wrapped around him. He glanced at Alex's face, and caught the faintest trace of a satisfied smirk on his lips.

John blushed and pushed himself off of Alex, and stuck his tongue out, which earned him a chuckle. Alex ruffled John's hair affectionately and reached for the remote. He flicked the TV on and the first movie started to play.

John wasn't aware of much else besides Alex, sitting right there, next to him, so close that their shoulders were brushing. He smelled like vanilla. Oh, but never mind what he smells like!— Alex himself was warm and comforting, right there, living, breathing, heart beating.

He had watched every Harry Potter movie probably ten times over, so he really didn't care to see them again. Anyways, he preferred the books. He had just picked those films (his choice of movies because it was his room, after all) because John thought Alex might like them. He was not disappointed.

Alex was watching the screen, enraptured, with a dorky little smile on his face. As [spoiler alert] happened, he tensed up, and then smiled when [spoiler spoiler]. His whole face was animated throughout the entire movie, but he never shifted away from John. Was it John's imagination? Or did Alex actually manage to scoot closer during the climax of the first movie…?

The popcorn bowls in front of them stayed quite full.

* * *

Halfway through the second movie, John closed his eyes and instead focused on the sounds of Alex. His breathing, constant fidgeting, and imagining he could hear Alex's heart beating.

He must have fallen into a light doze, because at a particularly loud screech from the screen, John's eyes snapped open and he gasped.

Alex smirked down at him. "Enjoy your beauty sleep, Princess?"

John blinked a few times. His head was resting on Alex's shoulder. John's face burned when he realized he must have fallen asleep on Alex. Instead of apologizing for using Alex's shoulder as a pillow, (he wasn't sorry anyways) instead he asked: "How long?"

Alex shrugged. "Actually, I have no idea. I conked out during the beginning of the third movie, and I woke up just ten minutes ago. I have no idea what's happening right now."

John noted that he didn't even need to finish his sentence in order for Alex to understand him.

He studied the actors in the screen and decided that they were halfway through the fourth movie. I mean, it was a rather obvious give-away when [spoilers, spoilers, SPOILERS!] and Harry [spoilered spoilers].

He told Alex this, and the taller boy snorted. "Yeah, that's a fat load of help, John. I've never read the books before."

"W-WHAT?!" John gasped. "OH MY GOD!"

Alex laughed. "I just haven't had the time. I'll probably do so soon."

"Yeah, you'd better!" John said fiercely.

Alex laughed again. "Maybe I'll start over fall break, which is actually only on about a little more than two weeks. The 20th, right?"

"Yep," John said, reaching out his fingers to trace patterns onto Alex's shirt front.

"Stop, that tickles!" Alex exclaimed, his hand suddenly enclosing John's. It was warm and soft.

John gazed sleepily into Alex's eyes, and Alex blinked warmly back.

"My Sleeping Beauty," Alex joked, "You still look bone-tired."

"S'cause I am," John yawned. "Don't pretend that you aren't Alex."

"Okay, I have to admit, you're right John. For once."

John frowned indignantly. "For _once?_ "

Alex laughed. "Okay, you're _always_ right, scratch what I just said."

John sighed contentedly. "Yep. John always knows best."

"You really do," Alex whispered.

John closed his eyes and leaned back. After a few minutes, fell victim once again to sleep.

* * *

Alex gazed down fondly at the boy had curled unconsciously into his chest. He had no proof that John liked him back, liked him in _that_ way. But despite that, Alex was glad that John was comfortable enough around him to fall asleep on his shoulder without apologizing.

The movie was really interesting, but he'd rather just study John's face— a true work of art. Alex lightly traced out constellations on John's cheek, his breath warm on Alex's fingers.

John's curly, brown, tangle of hair was just about to escape the mangled-looking elastic, so Alex did it a favor and relieved the hair tie from its duty.

John's hair swept around his head, framing his face beautifully. His hair wasn't afro-puffy, but it was still considerably curly, and could still be able to tumble down just past his shoulders without poofing up Jefferson-maniacally.

Alex, trembling, picked up his phone and quickly snapped a photo of John's peacefully-sleeping face. It was a picture he would treasure forever. He leaned slightly forward and brushed stray curls from John's forehead.

"I love you," Alex breathed into John's ear, so softly, that he couldn't even hear it himself.

John stirred, and Alex froze, but he still remained asleep. Alex exhaled in relief. John could never know how he felt.

 _Not unless I know that he likes me back. For sure._

* * *

John's eyes shot open. After a quick analyzation, John thought they were at the very end of the sixth movie. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand and looked shyly up at Alex. He was staring at the screen with a wistful and dreamy expression.

It was now the beginning of the credits.

"Hey, Alex," John whispered hoarsely.

Alex beamed down. "Hello, John."

"I've decided to name my turtle Alexis, after you."

Alex turned a deep pink. "Aw, what? J-John…" he spluttered.

John giggled and snuggled deeper into Alex's chest.

"Ssh, just accept it. Anyways, thanks to you, I have her now! I've always wanted a turtle, but it just costed too much."

"Well, consider it to be a late birthday gift, _because you didn't even tell me that it was your birthday last week!_ "

John just smiled at him. "Whoops. Must have forgotten."

"I know very well that you did not!" Alex said, exasperated.

John blinked innocently up at him. "Why, how would you know?"

Alex smirked. "I just do."

 _Damn, he's cute when he does that._

John was momentarily captivated by those brown eyes, how they sparkled and reflected the artificial light, almost refracting the light just like a diamond.

Alex's soft dark-brown hair was glowing silver, his skin a pale, chalky-white, glasses flashing silver. He looked so unreal, so extraterrestrial, so other-worldly. He was _beautiful._

But Alex was watching him too, and the expression on his face… it was so tender, almost… loving.

 _Is what I think actually happening? Does… does Alex actually like me? Like in that way. No, too good to be true! Too god! Too good—_

"John," Alex breathed, almost singing. "Come with me and watch the sunrise."

Movie abandoned, the two friends donned warm jackets and slipped on shoes before making their way outside the building. They stood on the cold street, watching the sun make its slow and ever-perpetuous arc in the colorful sky.

Alex wrapped his arms around John, and the smaller boy sighed in content. Just then, John felt Alex stiffen and tense up besides him.

"Alex?" John asked, worry and concern starting to fill him.

* * *

Alex froze.

 _What. Am. I. Doing?! I-I've known this boy for only like… two months! I can't be doing this! What am I doing? Oh no, oh no, oh no! I can't do this! I can't be in love with John already! Not another boy! Not only that, but oh, what his father would say! I can't let Henry find out! I need to stop this! I can't love John— I need to protect him!_

"Alex?" John repeated, his eyes flashing anxiously. "Is everything okay?"

Alex swallowed hard. "Just peachy," he choked out, tightening his grip on John.

"Tell me what's wrong!" John demanded.

Alex bit his lip and shook his head, his mind reeling. "Nothing's wrong…!"

John broke the embrace and shoved himself away from Alex, his breath in small bursts of fog. His eyes glimmered with hurt.

"You're lying to me!" John cried, his voice like a knife through Alex's heart.

"I-I-" Alex stuttered, his heart starting to bleed.

Tears swam in his eyes and obscured his vision, and he gasped like a fish out of water. Suddenly, something small, but strong, barreled into his chest, sobbing.

"A-Alex," John gasped through his tears. "Please don't… never, please don't…"

"I promise!" Alex cried, his tears dripping down onto John's head. Alex rocked John like a small child, as the two cried their eyes dry.

* * *

Somewhere, far away, Aaron Burr was throwing up deep crimson rose petals while his older, sister, Sarah, looked on helplessly.

"Theodosia," he whispered, and Sarah nodded gently, placing a hand on her younger brother's arm.

"Theodosia," she repeated sadly.

* * *

It was a few days after the partially-disastrous but wonderful movie night with John, and Alex was careful to avoid him since. His replies were friendly but curt, and he didn't pick up calls, making excuses hours later that his phone had inconveniently died once again.

Alex hoped that John didn't notice a thing. Wishful thinking on his behalf.

Just then, he got another phone call. Alex was about to let it run dry, but then he glanced at the name and quickly picked up.

"Aaron Burr, sir!" Alex exclaimed, a little surprised. Aaron didn't ever call him— they only texted.

"Alexander," Aaron said weakly.

"Is everything okay? You sound really..." Alex's voice trailed off, and he was suddenly concerned.

"I have it."

"Have what?"

"I have — (cough, cough) — the Hanahaki Disease."

"When did it start?" Alex exclaimed, now thoroughly alarmed.

"Last week… after I told you about Theodosia."

"How bad is it?!"

"Uh, I don't know… coughing up petals once or twice a day…"

"Aaron…"

"Alexander, I'm not getting it removed. Not yet."

"You think there's still a chance?"

"No. But I'm still going to fight."

"You'll die."

"I'll go down fighting."

"That's not sensible."

"I—I don't care. Alex, I love her more than my life. I'd rather die loving her than live a thousand years, yet never feeling a thing."

Alex paused, his heart oddly removed from the rest of the world. "You know what? If you love this woman, go get her."

"I will."

Aaron disconnected abruptly.

"Please… God, I know I'm going to Hell, but Aaron isn't." Alex prayed, "So would you help him? Aaron isn't a sinner… he's done nothing wrong… he only loves too much. Please, and… and thank you."

* * *

 **Okay, okay. I know that was a bit odd just to throw that in at the end, but I really wanted to put it there. Maybe I'll start something that has to do with the Hanahaki Disease— it's really interesting. Mhmhmhmh, lots of Lams fluff and flangist this chapter, I see. :) I'M NOT SORRY AT ALL! And plus, I really need to make them hang out like normal people without flirting. I'll try to. Someday.**


	15. Last Wishes

**Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

"Aaron…" Alex whispered on Monday. "You don't look so good."

Aaron was pale and he held a handkerchief up to his face.

"I'm fine," he muttered.

Just then, a beautiful girl swept into the room, her dark hair shiny and silky, the natural ringlets cascading down her back. Her gray eyes were bright and sparkling, her olive skin smooth as satin.

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex say Aaron slump against the wall, and knew that this must be Theodosia. Alex was just about to go over there and introduce himself when a boy walked in.

"Theodosia!" he called, shaking his blonde hair out of his eyes. "Hey, I'm sorry!"

She turned to face him, her gray eyes suddenly wide and stormy.

"I can't believe you said that about my sister!" she cried.

"Well," the boy said, "technically, your half-sister…"

"I don't care!" she shouted. "That still doesn't give you the right to call her… call her _that!_ "

"Bitch, slut, and ho—" he began.

"Jacques!" Theodosia exclaimed, on the verge of tears.

"Theo," Aaron said weakly.

Theodosia whipped around, and when she caught sight of Aaron, her eyes sparked with alarm. She crossed the room quickly and placed her hand on his arm. Alex watched Jacques bristle jealously.

"Aaron, are you okay? You look… unwell."

"Er, I'm fine." Aaron said, his hands curling into fists and squashing the handkerchief.

Theodosia looked concerned and sympathetic.

"You are not well, Aaron, and I just can't believe that you still came to school! You should be resting at home, so you can get better sooner! I would have been glad to send you a copy of my notes, you know that!"

Aaron was staring at her with this expression on his face… you think she had just shot him. Shot him through the heart.

Just then, Aaron started to convulse, and before Alex realized what was happening, Aaron had fled from the room. A crimson rose petal fluttered down and Alex caught it. No one had noticed the red bloom except for John, who was staring at him with wide eyes.

Theodosia looked towards Aaron's direction before hanging her head sadly and making her way to the back of the class, sitting next to Maria Lewis.

Alex, in a trance, walked over to John and pressed the petal into his palm.

"One-sided love," Alex whispered.

"The Hanahaki Disease," John murmured back.

Alex then walked away and sat somewhere vaguely in the front of the class, leaving John and Martha all alone. He was true to his promise and trying to keep his contact with John to a bare minimum. He had to protect John.

He had to protect himself.

* * *

Aaron glanced at Alexander with a look full of curiosity as he took the empty seat next to him. Aaron swallowed painfully.

"Why aren't you sitting with John and Martha today?" he questioned.

"I can't." Alex replied.

"Can't what?" Aaron probed.

"I can't like John. Not in that way." Alex said stiffly.

"Why not, Alexander?" Aaron asked.

"I have to _protect him_ ," Alex sighed. "And I'm not doing that by spending all of my spare time with him, falling and flirting and laughing. I need to put some distance in-between us."

"Protect him from what?" Aaron asked, softly.

"I-I don't think it's my place to tell you that," Alex mumbled, suddenly ashamed.

"Well, it's my place tell you this, Alex." Aaron said. "Love doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints… it takes, and it takes, and it takes. But we keep loving anyways. Even when we laugh or cry, break and, oh, we make our mistakes. But if there's a reason you're by his side, evidently Martha has tried… you should be willing to wait for it."

"What do you mean that I'm by his side?" Alex asked, when he really wanted to shout " _What did you mean when you you said 'Martha has tried'!"_

"I'm no fool when it comes to love," Aaron said, "And I think both of you — especially John and _extremely_ especially you— are awfully stupid."

A red petal floated from his lips and Aaron swallowed again.

"I'm dying, Alexander," Aaron reminded him gently, "I know I have only a limited amount of time to live, so I have to make every word count. Believe me when I say that."

Alex ducked his head. " _You shouldn't have to die,"_ he whispered, but so softly, not even Aaron, who was sitting two feet away, could hear.

* * *

Alex was staring at his phone.

 _John's safety or Aaron's last wishes?_

His fingers were hovering indecisively over his contacts. John or Eliza? They were both sitting near the top — well, John was the first, Eliza a few spaces below — on his most recently contacted list. The universe made the decision for him, and Eliza suddenly called. Alex picked up right away.

"Alex," she sang. "Come on over to my place! We need your help!"

"With what?" Alex asked, standing up and trying to locate his coat.

"Peggy's school project. Angelica's being an ass and won't help us because, well, technically, Peggy's supposed to do it herself."

"Be there soon, Liza." Alex promised.

"Bye!" she chirped.

"Good-bye." Alex said, and Eliza hung up.

 _I guess John's safety comes first._

Alex was relieved and somewhat guilty.

* * *

Alex rang the doorbell at the Schuyler Mansion, and the door almost immediately flew open.

"Alex!" Peggy squealed, rushing out to give him a squeeze.

"Peggy!" Alex laughed, greeting the overly-enthusiastic Schuyler sister.

"Oh, hello, Alexander."

Alex looked up to see Angelica leaning on the door frame, looking quite amused.

"Please," she said graciously. "Do come on in."

Peggy dragged him inside only to be smothered into another hug.

"Hey, Eliza!" Alex laughed. "You smell like cinnamon!"

"Well," she said, rolling her eyes, "some of my younger siblings got into the kitchen and completely ransacked it. I've been trying to clean it up by myself. Flying solo today."

"I can help you," Alex offered, glowing with warmth. He absolutely adored Peggy, and he respected and admired Angelica. But they had nothing on Eliza. She held his heart with both of her hands.

 _But what about John? You like him too—_

Alex dragged himself out of his thoughts just in time to hear Eliza wave away his offer.

"No, we'd better start helping Peggy. That little procrastinator, her project's due in two days!"

Alex smiled. "Well, let's get cracking!"

Eliza shooed Angelica out of the room. Her older sister looked on the verge of giving them a good and proper scolding.

Peggy beamed sweetly. "Well, I'll leave you to it!"

She turned around and flounced from the room.

"Wait— Peggy, come back!" Eliza called sternly.

Peggy grumbled and sulking, walked back into the room. She whined and moaned and pulled long faces, but eventually, when Eliza finally promised her that she would invite Maria over, only then did Peggy started working.

"It'll be a good opportunity for you two to become acquainted with each other." Eliza whispered to Alex after calling Maria. "She's thrilled and says she can't wait to meet you!"

Alex blushed, embarrassed and flattered. "Oh, um, well, I'm looking forward to meeting her too."

* * *

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang. Eliza got up and started heading towards the door, but she was knocked aside by the human cannonball, Peggy. She flung open the door and let out a breathless scream.

"MARIA!"

"Hey, Peg!" she laughed, pulling the younger girl into a hug.

Maria was pretty, with round, light-brown eyes and curly, dark-brown hair that tumbled down her back like a waterfall. She was petite, and was wearing something you'd find in a badass motorcycle-chick magazine.

Maria shifted her gaze to Alexander, and her eyes lit up.

"So _you_ must be Alexander Hamilton! I've heard so much about you! I'm so glad that I met you at last!" she said.

Alex and Maria shook hands, and then they all trooped back into the living room and started working on Peggy's project. Between the four of them, it wasn't long before they finished the task.

Peggy and Maria lounged on fluffy bean-bags while Alex was curled up at the foot of the couch, braiding Eliza's hair. Angelica swept into the room, took one look, huffed, and marched out. Alex heard her yelling.

"Philip Jeremiah Schuyler! Where are you?!"

Alex arched an eyebrow at Eliza. "Er, is she calling your father?"

Eliza shook her head and laughed. "No, she's trying to find my younger brother. He's always hiding from her. I think he has a developed a passionate hate for tea and then nap time."

Alex snorted while Peggy and Maria giggled.

"So," Eliza said, turning her attention back to Alex. "What're you doing on Wednesday?"

"Nothing, well, except schoolwork."

"You should drop on by," Eliza winked. "We'd be glad to have you over!"

"Oh, yeah, please?" Peggy begged. "And Maria 'n Lafayette 'n John 'n—"

"Now, Peggy," Eliza cut in. "I don't think Daddy will be happy with us inviting all of those people over, every day. How about just Alex and Maria? I think they're plenty for now."

* * *

Peggy didn't miss the flash of jealousy that shadowed Eliza's face as she mentioned John. Her insides squirmed uncomfortably.

 _Wow. I'm so stupid. I made the same careless blunder that Alex made the other day. How are we going to keep them — and their worlds — apart? Sweet mother of Jesus, this isn't going to be easy or pretty._

* * *

Alex dipped his toes into the water of the swimming pool. Peggy, Eliza, and Maria had donned swimsuits and were splashing each other with glee. Eliza swam over to Alex and tapped his feet with her wet fingers.

"Come _on,_ Alex! It's so fun! Just a little swim can't hurt, right?" she whined.

Alex chuckled and grabbed her dripping hands. "Thank you for the offer, m'lady, but I do not think I will partake on a swim today."

Eliza groaned. "You are _so_ lame!"

Alex tipped an imaginary hat. "So be it."

Eliza blew a raspberry and floundered back to Peggy and Maria, who looked about two seconds away from strangling each other.

"Okay, ladies, break it up, take a walk, and _calm down!_ " Eliza said, placing a hand on Peggy's shoulder, and another on Maria's.

It didn't take long for her to settle things between them, and after about a couple minutes, Peggy and Maria were hugging and laughing "forgiveness!". Alex admired Eliza's skill with people, and he wished that he shared at least a fraction of her skill.

He was absolutely horrid with people and their emotions. He didn't deny that, and neither did anyone else. That's why he just preferred quills and books and words. He had time to think about what he was writing. He didn't have to make it up on the fly.

As he was staring off into the distance, he didn't notice someone approaching tentatively from behind. Alex heard the rustle of fabric, and he turned around to see Angelica, a small boy clinging to each hand.

Her warm eyes met Alexander's, and he smiled. Angelica lowered herself down next to him, sitting cross-legged at the edge of the pool. One of the boys crawled into Angelica's lap while the other sat down between her and Alex.

They sat in a few minutes of silence before Angelica broke it.

"So… Alexander, you know, I don't always talk using a formal diction."

Alex looked at her. "No?"

"No."

"Well," Alex said. "Good to know."

"Yes," Angelica agreed. "Oh, I haven't introduced my younger brothers yet, right?"

"Correct," Alex said.

"This one," Angelica motioned to the boy on her lap, "is Philip. Philip, say 'hi' to Alex."

Phillip said a meek, "hi" before shyly averting his gaze.

The boy sitting in-between Angelica and Alex turned his head towards his older sister.

"Can _I_ say my name to him?" he squeaked.

"Yes you can, dear." Angelica smiled.

He turned back to Alex, his hazel eyes wide and startling.

"My name is John!" he declared while Alex sharply sucked in a breath. "John Bradstreet Schuyler!"

John smiled contentedly and sat up straightly. "What's your name, mister?"

"Uh— Alexander Hamilton. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too!"

Angelica and Alex shared a smile over the head of her younger brother.

" _He's adorable,"_ Alex telepathically said.

He thought she replied with an " _I know."_

* * *

 **Burr will become more prominent in the story, so keep your eyes peeled and try not to throw up any flower petals. *ducks behind screen to hack up bright poppy petals* So, uh, anyways, *wipes mouth* I have managed to get myself banned from all electronics because I didn't do the dishes. My mother is a very rational person. I have no idea how long I'll be banned for, (that's just how she rolls) and I'm sneaking on the computer in the dead of night just to write this. Maybe... don't expect much. Byes, and much love to you all! *runs away while sadly coughing up flower petals***


	16. Forgive and Forget

**Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

"Alex!" John cried out angrily, storming towards the fidgeting boy. "We need to talk. Now."

"But—" Alex protested.

"No and's, or's, but's, or if's." John said fiercely, taking Alex by the arm and dragging him over to a secluded area behind a clump of willow trees.

As soon as he was out of Lafayette's and Hercules's sight and earshot, John whipped around and glared heatedly at Alex.

" _Why?"_ John hissed.

"I… I was… I was trying…" Alex stammered.

"Trying to _what_ , exactly?" John snarled.

Alex backed up, rather alarmed. He never thought he would see the day when John's monstrous anger was directed at _him._ He was scared.

"I was trying to… protect you." Alex mumbled in a small voice.

John's face took on the look of uttermost disbelief.

"Protect me from _WHAT_ , Alexander Hamilton?! _WHAT?!_ " John yelled furiously.

"Your… you father." Alex whispered shamefacedly.

"That bastard?" John spluttered. "You've been ignoring me the past _month_ , Alex! You didn't come over for Thanksgiving, and you haven't answer my texts or calls! Martha's bewildered because you flat out ignore her every time you see her, Lafayette is worried because you simply refuse to even _look_ at him, and Hercules is stressed and fretting because he's worried about your mental state of mind! You are _so_ stupid! Why did you do that? Why would you cut yourself off from everyone who cares, who _loves you?_ How was that supposed to 'protect' me?!" John was red in the face and on the verge of tears.

"People already whisper about us, John, and I didn't want it to get back to your father, who would take it the worst way possible… what if he flew back and, oh, does God-knows-what!" Alex cried brashly.

John froze. "P-People whisper about _us?_ What?"

"I shouldn't have said that, never mind!" Alex said quickly and nervously.

John just blinked at him with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," Alex said feebly. "You're right, you're always right, oh, that was so stupid, what I did. John, please, please, please forgive me…"

And then John let loose a dry sob and pulled Alex into another bone-crushing hug. Alex, hesitantly, wrapped his arms around John and gave him a squeeze. Then John pulled back and gave Alex another venomous glare.

"I still haven't forgiven you!" he spat. "And I _won't_ until everyone else does!"

Alex bowed his head. "I understand, John. I won't blame you if you decide you don't want to be my friend at all after this is over. I've been so selfish, foolish, blind, and inconsiderate."

John was silent long enough for Alex to gather the courage to look up at him. John's eyes were swimming with tears again.

"I-I never said that I wanted to stop being friends with you," he whispered thickly.

Alex looked away. "By the tone of your voice, your actions, and your word choice, I thought that you were implying it…"

"Then you thought wrong." John said firmly. "I still want to be friends with you."

"Truly?" Alex whispered.

"Hell yeah," John said.

And just like that, the conversation ended. John steered Alex out of the clump of trees and into Lafayette's and Hercules's proximity.

* * *

Lafayette folded his arms and started, unamused at Alex. Hercules was stony-faced and stiff with tension. They both radiated waves of anger and disapproval.

"Lafayette," Alex began, "I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you. I should have reached out, I should have responded to everything you said, I should have explained. I should have had the foresight and knowledge to realize _then_ and _there_ that what I was doing was _not_ okay. You're one of my best friends, and I kept telling myself that you were supposed to love me unconditionally, so whatever I did to you… you would still love me after. That was stupid, a foolish thought, and I understand if you never want to see my sorry face around ever again."

Lafayette was shocked and silent for a few seconds before whispering a hoarse, "Oh, mon ami!" and hugging Alex tightly.

"I forgive you, et je t'aime toujours comme un frère. You will always be my friend; my brother. Nothing can ever change that."

Lafayette released him and Alex turned to Hercules, whose arms were crossed now.

"Hercules," Alex said, "you will always be the better parts of me. You were worried about me, my health and my heart, when I was worried about coming into contact with you. I was avoiding you. I was causing you stress, which is something that you absolutely _do not_ need more of. I'm more sorry that I can say right now; I can barely get this out, I feel so sick from myself. Thank you for all the thoughts you've given me, thank you for all the times you've laughed with me. Thank you for being a friend to me… and… and a brother. I'm sorry. I am so stupid."

Hercules raised his eyebrows and said, "Fuck this shit, a simple sorry would have sufficed just as well as that whole long-ass paragraph. I only needed to see you okay, happy and healthy."

Alex started crying and the bigger boy gently hugged him.

"You have been forgiven," Hercules whispered as Alex started crying even harder.

* * *

John stepped tentatively towards Alex. "You need to apologize to Martha now," he reminded the trembling boy.

Alex wiped his streaming eyes and nodded. "I'm ready."

John took him by the elbow and led him over to the band room, where Martha was eating with a few girls he didn't know. They all looked up and giggled as the two boys approached, elbowing each-other in the ribs.

Martha stood up and shot one of the girls a withering look. "Shut up, Adrienne".

Then she turned her attention to John and Alex. Was it Alex's imagination, or did her eyes linger a bit longer than they should have on John…?

But then she shook her head and instead focused on Alex. Without wasting another second, she grabbed his arm and dragged him, none too gently, over towards the drinking fountains, a good twenty feet away from her group.

"I forgive you," she said before Alex had the chance to say anything else.

"But—" Alex began.

"Hush," Martha said, placing a finger to his lips. "I have no idea what you were doing, or why," — her eyes glimmered with hurt — "but I knew that it had to be for a reason. You wouldn't hurt me, us, on purpose. Just by coming back, it shows that you care, so I forgive you. Nothing else needs to be said."

Alex opened his mouth, but Martha cut him off before he could say anything.

"I don't want to hear you apologizing. No rivers of 'sorries' for me today, Alex. I can tell you're sad enough. I don't want you to cry another ocean," she said.

Alex closed his mouth and nodded, eyes starting to water again.

"I don't deserve you, any of you," he whispered.

"I know you don't," she joked, "but really, when you think about it, do any of us really deserve anything we get?"

"No," Alex replied.

Martha nodded. "I thought so."

* * *

One week later, everything was back to normal. Alex was hanging out in Lafayette's and Hercules's dorm room, watching the two of them mess around each other like complete idiots.

"They're _so obvious!_ " John hissed.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Tell me all about it."

Lafayette and Hercules were blushing so hard that John had dubbed them "cherry and tomato" for the night, Lafayette being the cherry and Hercules the tomato.

Lafayette had his arms wrapped around Hercules's shoulders, and they were both singing "How Far I'll Go".

"See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me!" Lafayette sang in that beautiful voice of his.

"And no one knows, how far it goes!" Hercules bellowed, just falling short of a car engine or an enraged contrabass saxophone player.

John had to stifle giggles, and Alex buried his head under a couch cushion. Suddenly, someone pulled Alex upright.

"Dance with us, Alex!" Lafayette cried as he swept Alex around in a large circle.

Alex passed a bewildered John who was doing a two-step with Hercules to a Moana song.

"Looking fine, Laurens!" Alex called.

John laughed and said, "Not too bad yourself, Hamilton!"

Hercules then suddenly spinned John violently and he landed in a crumpled heap upon the floor.

Lafayette let go of Alex and rushed up to John.

"Hooray!" he cheered, waving his hands around maniacally. "You won!"

John blinked up at him, utterly confused. "I did?"

"Yeah!" Alex, Hercules, and Lafayette screamed all at the same time.

Just then, someone attempted to break down the door.

"Are you bitches gonna let us in or what?!"

"Martha!" John cried, springing up from the floor and flinging open the door. There stood Martha, Maria, Peggy, Angelica, Theodosia, and Eliza.

"What're you all going here?" Hercules gaped.

Angelica shrugged. "Well, we were having a girls night out when we heard screams and what sounded like people being tortured. So we investigated. It just turned out to be you singing."

Hercules started spluttering as the other three boys started cracking up.

"Sweet mother of Jesus!" Peggy exclaimed.

"Oh, Peggy, come dance with me!" Maria cried, grabbing both of the younger girl's hands and twirling her around.

Alex looked up and saw that John and Lafayette were doing some sort of crazy waltz together. He chuckled and was almost immediately swept off of his feet by Martha.

"Come on, let's do a tango! I'll lead!" she offered.

"Uh," Alex said.

Martha rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm. "Come _on,_ Alex! Just do it!"

"Okay, okay!" Alex laughed.

Alex and Martha attempted to tango, but every time, either Martha would crack up and fall out of line at Eliza's horrified face, or Alex would trip over himself and bring the two crashing down.

"Okay, enough of that!" Eliza said, pulling Martha to her feet. "Let _me_ have a turn with Alex! I'll show you what _real_ dancing looks like!"

Martha roller her eyes. "Fine, but I bet you'll fail just as epically!"

"Betcha I won't!" Eliza twinkled back.

* * *

Eliza led Alex into a simple dance, so incomplex that even Alex could master it quickly.

"We aren't failing!" Alex exclaimed, surprised.

"I know!" Eliza laughed. Then she glanced over his shoulder and her eyes darkened for a second. She quickly let go of Alex and cried, "Change partners, everyone!"

Then without looking at him, she made a beeline towards Angelica, who had just been dancing with Theodosia. Alex caught Theodosia's eye and motioned her over.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Alex asked politely.

Theodosia laughed. "Just fine! And you?"

"I'm doing great!" Alex smiled.

Her voice dropped and she motioned Alex aside.

"I know you're Aaron's friend," she whispered, "and I was wondering how he was doing. Is he any better? Every time I see him, he looks worse. I don't know what to do… should I tell someone? Should I do nothing? I just don't know— I'm so worried about him!"

Alex peered into her eyes and only saw pure platonic love. It pierced him to the bone.

"If you're really that worried about him, you can go and see him yourself," Alex suggested.

Theodosia hung her head. "I don't know where he is, though… I left my phone back at home and he doesn't reply to calls or texts from random numbers." She threw a half-amused glance at Maria.

"He has a room here at the dorm. I can show you to it." Alex offered.

Theodosia's eyes lit up. "Really? Thanks!"

"Yeah, I could take you now." Alex started walking towards the door, Theodosia trailing behind.

"Hey— Alex, where are you going?" Alex turned around to find Angelica staring at him, almost accusingly.  
"Oh, I'm showing Theodosia to Aaron's room!" Alex exclaimed.

"You better come back, I'm saving a dance for you!" Angelica warned.

"I will!" Alex said cheerfully.

* * *

"Room 107, Building B." Alex said. They were standing outside of Aaron's door.

Alex glanced at Theodosia. "I'm going in first, so I can warn him that he has a visitor… and we don't know what state of health he is in. I don't want you walking in on him throwing up!" Alex half-heartedly joked.

 _Throwing up flower petals, that is._

Theodosia nodded, looking a bit paler than normal, gray eyes wide. But her face had a determined look, her fists clenched. Alex knocked and braced himself for the worst.

"Who is it?" a weak voice drifted through the door.

"Alexander… and I have someone else who would like to see you."

"Come in, it's unlocked."

Alex entered and swiftly closed the door behind him, hoping that Theodosia didn't get a glimpse of the flower petals strewn across his bed.

"Did you just have another attack?" Alex asked.

Aaron nodded shakily. "My sister just went down the hall to get some aspirin. My head's hurting a fury."

"Oh, let me help you clean up this mess." Alex said, busying himself by sweeping the scattered flower petals into a wastebin. "Oh, and Theodosia's here to see you." Alex whispered.

Aaron coughed up a couple dozen more petals, and Alex swiftly fanned them into the bin.

Aaron shuddered violently and closed his eyes.

"I-I can't do thing any longer," Aaron gasped. "We can see the branches pressing up inside my skin now. I don't have much time."

"Hold on, please!" Alex begged, hastily stowing the wastebin under his bed. "I'm getting her right now."

Aaron mumbled something in response, and Alex flung open the door. Theodosia took one look at Aaron and rushed to his side, her eyes flooding with tears.

"Oh, Aaron," she sobbed. "What happened to you?"

"The unimaginable," Aaron laughed weakly as Theodosia took his hand.

Alex crept out of the room. As soon as he was in the hallway, he fled up the stairs and burst into the loud room, full of dancing people. Alex was on the verge of tears, and two words chanted over and over in his head.

 _Not fair, not fair, not fair._

* * *

Try as he might, Alex just couldn't enjoy the rest of the night with Aaron's death hanging around him like a dark cloud, rose petals scattered throughout the black vapor.

* * *

 **I'm sorry for making this an emotional chapter, but you gotta have some variety, ya know? Oh, and keep an eye on Eliza and Martha for me, would you? Thanks, and so much love! *more poppy petals flutter to the floor as she dashes into the bathroom***


	17. Like You a Lot

**Chapter Seventeen**

* * *

 **WARNING TO ALL READERS: Some content in this chapter might be offensive to different people on a political and religious standard. Though I can tolerate hateful comments, I advise you to please keep it to yourself or PM me about it directly... that is, if you are SERIOUSLY offended. Please respect my opinion, though, and I will respect yours. I'm putting the things in there that I believe the characters would think, so they may or may not be exactly what I believe. Read at your own risk, you have been warned!**

* * *

Alex swirled his stirrer around in his coffee mocha. He was listening half-heartedly to Martha's chatter. John sat besides him, still as a stone and lost in thought. Alex had told him about how ill Aaron had grown.

"Alex, John, aren't you two even listening to me?!" Martha demanded.

Alex snapped to attention guiltily while John blinked a few times as her.

Martha sighed exasperatedly before continuing.

"I _said,_ are you two going to the Winter's Ball?"

"The _what?_ " John spluttered.

"Winter's Ball, no big deal." Martha sighed.

Alex dropped his stirrer. "When is it?"

Martha shrugged. "Two weeks from now. I think it's Friday the 22nd, you know, the last day before winter break?"

"Uh... yeah." John said.

Martha rolled her eyes. "You two are clueless. If I hadn't told you, would you guys probably just miss it all together?"

"Yes," Alex said, his head drooping onto the table.

John shook Alex's shoulder briskly. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Still tired from the finals."

"Same."

Their finals had been about a week ago, but Alex and John has studied immensely, frequently pulling all-nighters. They were still exhausted and fatigued.

"Why do you guys study so hard?" Martha wondered out loud.

"We need to get a good education." Alex said dully. "So we can have a better life."

John's lip twitched. "When Aaron and I were in twelfth grade, I remember him constantly telling me to 'go get your education'. I told him to go get a life. Turns out he was right, but so was I."

Alex looked up and saw his own pain reflected in John's hazel eyes.

John closed his eyes. "I just can't believe he's going to be…"

Alex shook his head. "I told him that it wasn't worth it, but he didn't listen to me."

Martha stared at the two of them. "O-O-Okay."

Alex rubbed his tired eyes and smiled at her. "Sorry, just something… a bit personal…"

He drank the his coffee to avoid conversation. He saw John chugging his caffeinated raspberry tea from the corner of his eye.

"You know," Alex said, "I will never understand how you like _tea_ enough to get it at a _coffee shop._ I mean, tea is literally just soggy leaves in hot water. _How_ do you enjoy it?"

John rolled his eyes. "Well, Alex, first of all, tea is good for you. Second of all, it's delicious. Third of all, it keeps my hands warm. Fourth of all, it's usually not as strong as coffee, and I prefer that. Fifth of all, different people just have different tastes."

Alex felt intrigued once again. "Can I have a sip?"

John wrapped his hands protectively around his mug. "No way. The last time I let you do that, you spat it all over me!"

"Please?" Alex whined. "I _promise_ I won't spit it out!"

John groaned and handed his cup to Alex.

"One spit and you'll never get another sip of my tea the rest of your life, regardless the amount of begging and whining you produce," John warned Alex.

"Okay!" Alex exclaimed cheerfully.

He took a sip and almost choked. It was as horrible as the first time he drank it. John was smirking at him and Alex glared, pointedly swallowing the disgusting liquid.

"It just tastes like dirty water!" Alex gagged.

John and Martha exchanged amused glances.

"Isn't that just basically what it is?" Martha laughed while Alex groaned.

John stood up. "I need to go to the bathroom," he announced.

"Good for you," Alex said.

John rolled his eyes and flounced off to the small bathroom at the back of the shop. Just as John shut the door to the bathroom behind him, the door swung open and Eliza entered the shop. Her eyes swept around and when they landed on Alex, lit up like the sun.

Alex's gut gave a funny jolt as he stood up to greet her. Eliza rushed towards him and hugged him tightly. Then, she released him and wrapped her arms around Martha as well.

"Hey you guys! So glad that you're here!"

"You too, Eliza." Alex smiled.

"Come on, Liz, let's leave this loser over here by himself and get a table of our own!" Martha exclaimed, shooting a swift glance towards the bathroom.

Alex internally thanked her. He had a funny feeling that Eliza and John wouldn't get along very well. It was like shoving Hitler and a Jew into a cage and trying to force them to be friends. But which one would be Hitler? And who would be the Jew?

 _Stop, Alex. Unimportant._

Even though the tea was gross, Alex finished it just to irk John. He deliberately left a few more mouthfuls of coffee left in his cup.

John exited the bathroom and hurried up to Alex.

"Where's Martha— and where's my tea?"

"Martha's over there," — Alex pointed towards her and Eliza's table — "and I drank the rest of your tea."

John looked at Alex, surprise etched across his face. "Are you developing a fondness for my beverage?"

"No, I drank it just to be annoying," Alex smirked.

John sighed. "I know," he said jokingly, "it was probably too good to be true anyways."

John swiped Alex's mug and drank the rest of his coffee. "Revenge."

Alex smiled and John popped him on the head.

"Hey!" Alex cried indignantly.

John glanced at Eliza and said, "We ought to be going. Martha'll understand."

"Oh, okay." Alex said.

He stood up and followed John out of the shop, the door swinging shut behind them.

* * *

Eliza looked jealously after Alex, wishing with all of her heart that _she_ was the one who was beside him, not John.

"Eliza?" Martha asked tentatively.

Eliza realized that she was staring daggers at the door, as if the slab of wood had personally offended her.

"Er— I'm fine." she said quickly.

"Hey, what's up?" Martha asked, her blue eyes gentle and wide with concern.

"N-Nothing." Eliza stammered.

For some reason, she felt reluctant to tell Martha about her feelings for Alex. After all, she couldn't confess to every single person she met. It would get back to Alex fairly quickly that way.

Martha looked at her.

"Really," Eliza said forcing a smile. "I'm doing fine."

She didn't convince Martha are sure didn't convince herself either. Martha pursed her lips but did not pursue the topic any further.

* * *

Alex was sitting on Lafayette's bed. Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert himself was sprawled out next to him, flipping through a magazine.

"So," Lafayette said. "When are you going to ask John to be your date for the Ball?"

"What?" Alex spluttered.

"I said, when are you going to ask John to be your date for the Ball?"

"Never!" Alex said.

Lafayette raised his eyebrows at him and Alex revised his answer.

"Uh, I mean I'm not taking anyone, like as a date! Not any romantic interests! Heh, I'm only going with you guys as friends!" Alex stuttered.

Lafayette rolled his eyes. "Right-o, mon ami. But still, really. You should. John would be pleased."

Just then, the door flung open, and John entered, lugging a large cooler in behind him. Alex shot him a quizzical look, and John just smiled. Hercules stumbled in after him, looking rather disgruntled.

Alex frowned. "Is… is that _snow_ on your clothes?!"

"Yep, and we got a cooler full of it!" John chirped. "We're going to make an indoor snowman!"

"Not on my hardwood floors!" Lafayette said firmly. "Go into the kitchen and make it on the tiles!"

"Okay!" John said cheerfully. Hercules helped him to drag the cooler into the other room. Alex and Lafayette followed close behind.

Once they were all packed into the tiny kitchen, in one fluid motion, Hercules tipped over the cooler, and all the snow tumbled out. Alex squealed as the cold flakes soaked through his socks.

John laughed and scooped up a handful, dumping it down Lafayette's shirt. Lafayette shrieked and clawed frantically at his clothes, screeching "cold, cold, cold!"

Hercules and Alex were doubled up in silent giggles. Lafayette finally tore his shirt off in last-resort, something that made Hercules stop laughing and instead go beet-red.

"Tomato is back!" John hissed into Alex's ear.

"So is Cherry!" Alex whispered, pointing to Lafayette, who had gone scarlet.

John rolled his eyes and practically shoved the two blushing men out of the room. He kicked the door shut and grinned crookedly at Alex.

"We'll see where that goes. Meanwhile, let's get fresh snow!" he exclaimed.

Alex looked down at the sludge. "Okay," he said.

John opened the fire door (conveniently in the kitchen) and crammed the cooler through. He was about to jump out when Alex stopped him.

"Uh— John? Why are we going through the fire escape?"

"Because we can!" John shouted as he hurled himself out and down the slide.

"John!" Alex cried, exasperated, and he too threw himself down the chute.

* * *

He was zooming down the metal so fast, Alex thought he had rug burn on his back, despite the snow that was layered thickly on the slide. It was so cold, but crisp and fresh. Until he flew out and landed face-first in the snow, that is. It was still cold, but soggy and mushy.

Alex stood up and shook his head, wet chunks of snow flying everywhere.

"John?" he called.

"Right — pant — here!"

Alex turned around and a whole cooler full of snow was dumped onto him.

"J-John!" Alex wailed as he tried to scrape the freezing snow off of himself. "I have no jacket, no shoes and you got the snow all down my shirt!"

"You and Lafayette should start a Snow-Down-My-Shirt Club!" John cackled gleefully.

"Argh!" Alex exclaimed before tackling John, and both fell into the powdery snow.

Soon, both emerged, shivering, covered in white powder, and bright-eyed.

"Christmas is _so_ in the air!" John sighed.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"No, look!" John was pointing at a shop in the distance, bedecked with brightly-flashing Christmas lights.

"Hm," Alex said. "But can you actually smell those lightbulbs from here?"

"Yes," John said, very seriously. "It smells like strawberry shampoo."

"Sure. Now, are you going to help me fill up this cooler or what?" Alex asked.

"Naw, I think we've had enough of snow for a day." John laughed.

"Very true," Alex agreed. "Now, let's get inside before we freeze our asses off."

"Okay, race you too the door!" John sang as he took off.

"Not fair!" Alex pouted, racing after his friend.

* * *

It was quite a sight for Hercules and Lafayette. Alex and John were both drenched to their skins, lips blue, caked in snow, ears and cheeks red, chest heaving, and eyes bright.

"I won!" John announced.

"Yes you did," Alex panted.

"Get out of my room!" Lafayette cried. "You're getting water all over the wood! Out, out, out!"

Hercules then proceeded to herd them out the door.

"Sorry, dudes." he said before slamming the door in their faces.

"Well." John said.

Alex stayed silent, grinning like a fool.

"I suppose we have to go to my room now." John sighed. "And I'm taking a shower to wash this accursed snow off of me before I freeze to death— come on!"

He grabbed Alex by the hand and pulled him into his room.

"Oh, so _now_ it's accursed?" Alex joked.

"Oh, yes." John said, nodding his head.

He scampered into the bathroom and locked the door.

"BYE, ALEX!" he yelled. "SEE YOU IN LIKE TEN MINUTES!"

"GOOD-BYE JOHN!" Alex matched his tone. "SEE YOU IN lLIKE TEN MINUTES!"

John muttered something that Alex couldn't quite catch. Then, there was the sound of running water and splashing. Alex tried his best not to imagine what was going on there and instead, turned on the TV. He flipped to the news channel and he caught sight of something that made him gag.

"The fuck is that?" he whispered.

It was a human — he thought — but it had a bright orange face and yellow hair that would have looked better on an ear of corn. It was speaking in an obnoxiously nasalic voice.

"In just a few years, you've helped turn a small organization into a really nationwide, beautiful movement. Really, so true. And what you have achieved is extraordinary," it was saying.

Alex almost fell off the bed when he realized what it was prasing. That _thing_ was congratulating an organization called "Faith and Freedom Coalition"— a homophobic, anti-LGBT+ group.

Alex felt anger well up inside him. For his people, John's and Hercules's people, Lafayette's people. It wasn't their fault that they turned out to be anything but straight! And besides, what was so bad about liking the same sex? Why did they have to go to Hell?

"If it's anyone who has to go to Hell, it's _GOD!_ If he's so great and wonderful, he should be accepting of all humankind— ALL OF IT!" Alex said furiously to himself.

Just then, a reporter on the screen said, "Just a few weeks ago, President Trump—" and Alex ignored the rest.

 _So,_ this _is our president? This… this…_ bastard? _I know I haven't looked into America's politics much because I was so busy with college, and I just moved here a few months ago!_

"Fuck Trump!" Alex shouted.

"Yeah, we've all said that at least once."

Alex whipped around to find John standing in the doorway of the bathroom, hair wet, and dressed in nothing but a towel, which was wrapped around his waist. Alex gave a very plaintive squeak and fell off the couch.

John seemed to realize what he was wearing and face scarlet, he quickly backed into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Uh— I'm sorry?" he called.

Alex groaned in response.

A minute later, John re-emerged, wearing jeans, but still not a shirt.

"Put on your clothes _before_ you come out of the bathroom!" Alex cried, covering his eyes once again.

Alex heard John walk over, and something warm pressed into his back.

"Does this bother you?" John's lips were very close to his ear.

"Yes!" Alex hissed, very red in the face.

"We should call you 'Strawberry' now!" John laughed.

Alex turned his head to glare into John's lively eyes. His face was also flushed.

"Then you're a pomegranate!" Alex spat, embarrassed and very uncomfortable.

John released Alex and flopped back onto the couch.

"No big deal though, right? I mean, we're like, best friends, and both guys, so… and I mean, it's just my _chest…_ "

"Uh," Alex said.

 _Might be okay for you, but certainly not for me!_

John rolled his eyes. "Vous êtes un dork!"

"Tu l'es aussi!" Alex shot back.

John grinned. "Very true!"

His expression softened. "Oh, come here, Alex."

Alex sighed and scooched closer to John. John wrapped his arms around Alex.

"Alex, you're the closest friend I've got." John sighed into Alex's shirt.

"Laurens… I like you a lot."

* * *

 **FIRST OF ALL! I'm so sorry if I offended you. I know some of you now may view me as a sinner, but personally, I do not care that much. If Heaven and Hell do exist, I'm going to Hell anways because I still have that "origional sin" and for... other reasons. *cough cough my sexuality cough cough* Anyways... Alex is going to try and cover up next chapter, fair heads-up. They're honestly so cute! Just a warning: after school starts, (in like less than a month) I won't be able to update… like at ALL. I'm going to a very demanding and academically advanced high school, (I guess) so wish me luck! I NEED to finish this story before summer ends, pronto! I'm sorry if you were offended by me saying that God needed to go to Hell. It's my opinion, not yours! If you respect my opinion, I'll respect yours. Bye, and much love! :D**


	18. Whine and Dine

**Chapter Eighteen**

* * *

John was looking at him with wide eyes. "Alex…?"

"Uh! I mean I like you a lot as in you're my best friend!" Alex blurted out. "Not in that way! Heh!"

"Yeah! I also like you a lot in that way! I mean the friends way!" John stammered.

"Platonically!" they both said at the same time.

 _Why. Just why._

"Um." Alex said.

"Yeah..." John replied.

It was their most awkward and cringiest moment yet. Then, Alex pulled John into a fierce hug, John's cheek squishing up against his.

"You're my best friend, John. Even though I know we hang out with Hercules and Lafayette all the time, as one big group, you're still my best friend! No one has ever understood me as well as you have, and no one else has even tried to. I'm sorry for all the times I've hurt you — which is plenty more than I ever needed to — and… and… yeah…"

John was looking up at Alexander with tears in his eyes.

"A-Alex…" he murmured.

Just then, the door to John's room flew open and Hercules waltzed in, oblivious to what he had just interrupted.

"DUDES!" he exclaimed. "THEODOSIA IS ASKED FOR ALEX! SAYS THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH AARON!"

John shot up, grabbed a T-shirt and Alex's hand, and bolted out the door. He slipped on the shirt in about two seconds while racing downstairs and bursting into Aaron's room.

"Alex, I think he's dying!" Theodosia whimpered, in tears, turning to face them.

Alex and John knelt down besides Aaron. The sick boy looked into Alex's eyes, and then John's. He managed a weak smile. "Did you two follow your hearts yet?"

Alex and John just stared back at him.

"Aaron," John began, "we were best friends in high school, but we grew apart these past few months. I'm so sorry. I wish we could — I could have — retained our friendship. I want you to know even though we don't talk anymore, I still love you like a brother. You're one of the best people that I have had the honor of knowing."

Aaron smiled weakly.

"Thank you, John."

Alex bowed his head.

"Aaron, I didn't really talk to you that much, apart from getting notes and discussing classes. But when you opened up to me, you fell sick right after, and I… I feel that it's all my fault. I'm so sorry. I think that you're a brilliant student, and an amazing person. You shouldn't have to end like this. It's just not fair."

Aaron mustered another small smile. "All's fair in love and war."

"There is no war here, Aaron." John said firmly.

"War brings death, and here I am." Aaron said with an air of finality.

A loud sob penetrated the silence. Alex turned around to see Theodosia, tears streaming thickly down her face, faster and harder than before. She rushed past Alex, pushed John aside, and kissed Aaron full on the mouth.

"I love you," she sobbed. "I love you, Aaron Burr."

Aaron gave a great, shuddering gasp, and then fell still, silent as a stone.

"Aaron?" John choked.

Theodosia screamed and shook him. "Aaron! Aaron! Wake up, don't be dead! Aaron!"

Alex gently took her aside. He motioned John towards Aaron, and he nodded and placed two fingers on his wrist, checking for a pulse. All three waited with bated breath. Then, finally, after a long minute, John said:

"He's alive."

Theodosia started laughing with relief, tears still dripping from her eyes, and then John started, and Alex joined shortly after. All three cried and laughed, oh, relief was so sweet, until, finally, silence overtook them.

Theodosia wiped her eyes and drew up a chair, sitting down by Aaron.

"I guess I must have loved him all my life, ever since we met," she whispered, "But I just never realized it until now. I thought about what my life would be like after he was dead, and I realized that… I just wouldn't have one. I realized that if he died, I couldn't go on. And then, finally, I realized… that I did love him back. I just can't believe how _stupid_ I've been, all these years…!"

Alex smiled. "It's okay," he said comfortably, "love can be confusing. Very."

John murmured agreement.

* * *

A week later, Aaron was finally able to come back to school. He looked happier than Alex had ever seen him, laughing with Theodosia and their friends. Aaron caught Alex's eye and waved. Alex and John waved back.

"You know," Lafayette said, "I can't believe that he made a full recovery in such a short time. He had the disease for _months._ "

Aaron's story had spread all over school like wildfire. He didn't seem to mind it; as long as he had Theodosia, he was happy. On the other hand, Jacques was looking extremely angry and heart-broken. Rumor has it that when he wasn't in class, he was shooting heroin up the side with Jefferson and Lee.

"Winter's Ball is in a week, guys!" Hercules reminded them.

"And I'm going to help decorate it!" Lafayette announced.

"Really? That's cool!" John said.

Lafayette nodded. "I know, mon ami. Ce sera très amusant, je ne peux pas attendre! Les gens qui aident à la danse sont assez cool, cette fille nommée Adrienne est très douce."

John and Alex nodded enthusiastically while Hercules groaned.

"Can you _please_ stop talking in French? For maybe, oh, I dunno, one hour?"

"Non." Lafayette said.

"Hell yeah!" John whisper-shouted into Alex's ear.

Alex, laughing, shoved him aside. Just then, the end-of-lunch bell rang. They packed up and headed off to their separate classes. Alex was just about to enter his own classroom when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder.

Alex spun around, alarmed, only to face Principal Washington.

"Hey, son, can I have a word with you in my office?" he asked.

Alex gulped nervously, nodding.

 _Have I done something wrong?_

* * *

"So," Principal Washington said, settling down at his desk, "it has come to my attention that you have gotten the highest finals score we have ever seen. Congratulations, Alexander."

"Thank you," Alex whispered.

"Because of that, I am going to ask you to do a favor for me, and for your school." Washington said.

Alex remained silent.

"At King's College, we have an Academic Support Group. We need more tutors, and I was wondering, if you had any free time after school, maybe you could, oh, I don't know, drop on by and maybe help one of the kids?"

Alex blinked. "Sure, I would love to do that, actually! I'll just have to check my schedule."

Principal Washington smiled. "Thanks, son. You can always bring others to help you out... if they are capable, that is."

Alex forced a smile, hiding the prick of annoyance he felt by being addressed as "son".

"Better get back to class, now. I'll write you a slip."

Principal Washington handed Alex a scrap of parchment. "Thank you, and have a good rest of your day."

"You too," Alex said. "Good-bye."

* * *

Alex felt his stomach lurch uncomfortably as he spotted _yet another_ Winter's Ball flyer. It said that this year, admission fees would be cut. A rare treat. Now that it was affordable to all, Alex had no excuse. Lafayette and Hercules had been pestering him to attend, and John, blushing slightly, nodding his approval.

Now that he thought about it, Hercules and Lafayette were acting rather odd around each other. Smirking slightly, Alex wondered if they were getting antsy because they were each wondering if they should ask the other out to the dance.

 _That's why you just declare to everyone you're not taking a date. Less pressure, more fun, less heartbreak… I think._

Spotting Angelica in the hallway, he rushed up to her.

"Can I have a word?" he asked.

"Sure," she said, "just make it quick; class is going to start soon."

"Is the Winter's Ball a formal dance?" Alex questioned.

"Yes, it's actually very formal. Dress in nothing less than a suit and tie. Oh, and by the way, you still owe me that dance." Angelica said, laughing slightly.

Alex grinned also as he envisioned his usual casual and scruffy self stuffed into a fancy tuxedo, dancing with Angelica in a poofy, frilly dress.

"Thanks, Angelica! See you later!" Alex called.

"You too!" she called, waving good-bye.

* * *

Alex was sitting in his apartment, typing furiously away on his computer. He had to finish this essay before 7:00pm. He was going out to dinner with John, Hercules, and Lafayette. Glancing at his clock every thirty minutes, he finally stopped typing around six. He rushed around while trying to find something to put on that looked more presentable, and then ran out of the apartment.

John didn't disappoint him. At sharply 6:15pm, he sped up on his motorcycle. Dismounting and grinning, he offered Alex a helmet.

"You have two now!" Alex cried, delighted.

"Yep! You ready to go?" John asked, positively glowing with excitement.

Alex had no idea why John was so happy, but it was infectious, and Alex soon found himself laughing hysterically alongside John as they sped away into the night.

Soon, they were standing outside of the dorm rooms. Lafayette and Hercules exited the building at approximately 6:40pm.

"Hello, Monsieur Hamilton. Monsieur Laurens." Lafayette said, wiggling his eyebrows as he bowed.

Alex mimicked him and bent down until his nose was a foot from the floor. "Monsieur Lafayette."

John pretended to curtsy. "Monsieur Mulligan."

Hercules gave John an extremely reprimanding look. "Don't expect me to bob up and down like that too."

"It's called a 'curtsy'." John said.

Hercules gave him a look. "...I knew that."

Lafayette rolled his eyes. "Sure, mon ami."

" _Guys!"_ Alex exclaimed, "We'd better get going now or else we're going to be late!"

"Buzzkill," John muttered and Alex pretended not to notice.

* * *

The restaurant was rather fancy and expensive-looking. The walls were a polished, gleaming stone and the floors were dark wood. Scented candles flickered atop the elegant and carved tables, vases full of dried flowers perched in the center. A great, roaring fireplace sat at the back wall.

They chose a table near the corner of the room, where is was relatively quiet, and a waiter handed them menus.

"Thanks," Alex said as he took his.

The waiter smiled and left.

Alex opened it and looked inside.

There were a few appetizing options like: honey-glazed ham and mashed potatoes, wintergreen salad with turkey bits, and pork chops and roasted asparagus.

But then there were others: Canard à la Rouennaise (Duck in Blood Sauce), Huitlacoche (Corn Fungus), and Kopi Luwak (Poop Coffee).

"Hm, Alex, do you think you would enjoy Kopi Luwak?" John asked politely.

Alex shot him a withering look and said: "Go drink some turtle soup."

John's eyes flew open and he screamed, "NEVER!"

A few people turned to look at their table in confusion. One old lady muttered something that sounded like: "These darn tootin' young 'uns haven't got the foggiest sense o' what they're doin'. If I was fast enough, I'd send 'em runnin' for the hills, lickety-split."

John caught Alex's eye and they both tried their best not to laugh. After that, they chose to converse in quieter, more civil tones, teasing and joking and complaining about Trump.

"I know it's old news, but I CANNOT believe that Trump withdrew from the Paris Climate agreement!" John sighed.

"I know, all it does it weaken the battle against global warming and kill the world a bit more quickly." Alex muttered.

Lafayette nodded. "I know. He told us that he was 'elected to be be president of Pittsburg, not Paris.' Idiotic man, he LOST in Pittsburg! They voted for Hillary."

Hercules guffawed. "Not only that, he's sexist, racist, misogynistic, homophobic, narcissistic, _and_ he's a dangerous fool, supported by idiots, who only ever looks out for himself."

They all nodded in agreement.

"I heard that there would be a ace and aro rights march on Sunday, care to join me, anyone?" John asked.

"I'd love to!" Alex exclaimed.

"Me too," Lafayette chimed in.

"Count me in." Hercules said.

"Great, Alex, I'll pick you up at three, even though the march doesn't start until four-thirty… is that okay?" John asked, somewhat shyly.

"Of course!" Alex exclaimed. "Perfect! It's the Sunday after the Ball, right?"

John nodded. "Oh yes."

Alex ended up ordering the pork chops and asparagus.

When the food came, it was delicious. It probably was one of the best things he'd ever ate. The pork was juicy and full of flavor, the asparagus was tender and the sauce it was laying in was delectable.

* * *

"So," Alex said, after the bill had arrived. "who's paying?"

"Oh, I am." John said in a small voice.

Alex looked at him. "The bill's somewhere around a hundred dollars!"

Then John's face broke out in a devilish grin.

"I'll put it on my father's tab, he'll never notice. My form of revenge. I've been doing this for _years,_ " John smirked.

"Wow," Lafayette said.

Hercules rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up, Laf, you've heard that story before already!"

Lafayette shrugged. "Oh je suis _tellement_ désolé! I'm _so_ sorry!"

Hercules frowned. "No you're not."

Lafayette shrugged. "You are right."

John and Alex grinned at each other.

"They're so cute together," John whispered into Alex's ear.

" _Too_ cute!" Alex laughed softly.

Alex and John tried not to notice how Hercules had reached for Lafayette's hand and held it under the table. John kept on smirking at Alex in a knowing way, and they shot darting glances at their companions, who seemed to be floating in some sort of hand-holding heaven.

* * *

All four friends walked out of the restaurant and into the chilly night. The stars twinkled brightly and the moon gleamed. A layer of thin snow and frost covered the ground, and icicles hung from every tree.

"It's beautiful," Alex sighed.

John nodded. "It's like this every year."

"It's really cold, guys!" Hercules exclaimed, teeth chattering. "Can we go now?"

John nudged him with his shoulder. "You can go. You don't have to wait for us."

Hercules shivered. "I won't, don't worry… c'mon, Laf. Let's get back to our place."

"Okay!" Lafayette said brightly. "See you later, John, Alex!"

John and Alex chorused their "good-byes" as Hercules took Lafayette's arm and practically dragged him into the truck.

With a roar and a skid, they were off, snow melting to sludge in their wake.

"D-Do you want to go for a walk?" John asked Alex.

Alex let out something between a laugh and a huff. "Laurens, it's below freezing out here!"

"Er, it's fine, really if you don't want to, I—" John stammered.

"John," Alex said gently, cutting his friend off, "I would love to go on a walk with you."

John grinned. "Okay."

* * *

They walked all around town, looking at the pretty lights and colorful Christmas decorations. Delicious smells of eggnog, cranberry pound cake, and gingerbread wafted out of the shops lining the streets, tempting Alex even though he was already full.

It was a beautiful and pleasant way to end an extraordinary night, and Alex was more content and peaceful than he had been in a long time. He would walk to the ends of the Earth, as long as John was by his side.

* * *

 **I know, I know. It's rather cheesy. I'm a sucker for a happy ending. I'm also sorry if I offended any of you Trump-supporters. If you are one, I'm curious to why people support him, so maybe you could... I dunno, tell me? Winter's Ball, next chapter (or two)! I'm so excited to write it! Thank you for your support and I love your guys! Have a wonderful rest of your day (or night)! :3**


	19. A Winter's Ball (Pt One)

**Chapter Nineteen**

* * *

Alexander rushed around, frantically, accomplishing nothing because there was nothing to be done. The situation was helpless. The Winter's Ball was in two hours, John was supposed to pick him up in one.

The problem: Alex didn't have a suit.

 _Should I ask John to help me? Maybe I could borrow one of Hercules's, I mean, he probably has plenty._

Alex forced down his pride and picked up the phone. He would ask for help, after all, it just was a silly Winter's Ball, not like a job interview or a finals presentation.

Alex called John, and after a few rings, he picked up.

"S'up, Alex."

"Hey, ah, John. I need help…" Alex said uncomfortably.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well," Alex began, "I, er, heard this Ball was formal, right?"

"Mhm, yep."

"I don't have anything proper." Alex said bluntly. "All I have are hoodies, t-shirts, and jeans."

John laughed. "I have more suits than I can count. Hercules gives us random articles of clothing that he makes just for fun. We also get clothes for Christmas and birthdays. I'll never go out of style! You can come over and borrow one for tonight."

"Oh my God, thank you, John, you're the best!" Alex sighed.

"I know I am. I'm heading over right now, see you in a few?"

"Yeah, see you! Good-bye, and thanks so much again!" Alex gushed.

"Bye!"

Alex disconnected and smiled. John had his back, no matter what. He really didn't deserve friends as good as these.

A few minutes later, Alex heard John pull up and he practically flew out of the door, eager to greet his friend. Alex skidded to a stop in front of John and looked at him expectantly.

"Looks like someone's excited to see me!" John chuckled, cramming a helmet onto Alex's head. "Aw, come on up! Let's go!"

Alex jumped onto the back and wrapped his arms around John. This was probably his favorite place to be in the whole wide world, John pressing up comfortingly against him alongside the purr of the motorcycle's engine. John's dorm room and Padoca came next.

Alex relished how the cool wind whipped through his hair, his computer, homework, and phone safely stored in his backpack, which was bouncing on his back. The sun was setting, and the sky seemed to outdo itself with beautiful and bright colors.

Alex pressed his cheek into John's back and tightened his arms around John's waist. When they stopped for a red light, John turned his head to look at Alex and grinned at him.

"Enjoying yourself back there?" John smirked.

"Um... yes?" Alex said, blushing delicately.

"I thought so," John replied as the light switched to green and he started the engine once more.

They rode down the street and into the sunset.

* * *

"Okay, Alex, behold: The Closet of All of Herc's Clothes That I Never Wear Because They Are All Too Formal!" John announced as he threw open the doors to a wardrobe.

A bunch of clothes tumbled out and nearly smothered John and Alex.

"Um," John said, "they weren't like that the last time I put them in there."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Oh, _sure._ "

"No, really!" John insisted.

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Er, let's find you — and me — something appropriate to wear." John said, hastily changing the subject.

"Okay," Alex agreed.

* * *

In the end, John had picked out Alex's outfit, and Alex had picked out John's. It wasn't intentional, but it just happened.

John was wearing a light blue button-down shirt with a collar and french cuffs. He was had on dark gray pants with a black tie and shoes. With Alex's help, they managed to make John's wild curls tame just long enough to be able to squeeze it into a neat ponytail.

Alex had on a pale purple dress shirt and a white tie. He was wearing khaki pants and brown leather shoes. John had insisted that he left his glasses out of the picture, but Alex argued that without them, he'd be blind as a bat. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Alex left his hair down.

When Alex stepped out of the bathroom, somewhat shyly, his own clothes on his arm, John's eyes lit up.

"Woah, you look so… amazing!" John exclaimed.

"Look at yourself!" Alex laughed. "You're the bell of the ball!"

John blushed. "No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!" Alex teased. "I just _adore_ that dress! Wherever did you get _that_ from?"

John twirled, his hands held aloft. "I got it from The Hercules Store! Half-price-off! A special sales event for the annual King's College Winter's Ball!"

Alex applauded. "Fantastic!"

John stopped twirling and grinned somewhat drunkenly at Alex. "Everything's still spinning…" he said lazily as he staggered around.

Alex smiled. Just then, John's phone buzzed and its owner plopped down on the floor.

"Who is it?" he asked Alex.

Alex read the name. "It's Herc."

John scratched his head. "What's he saying?"

"That he and Laf left without us!" Alex said, a bit taken aback.

"That bastard!" John exclaimed. "Well, come on, Alex! The sooner we leave, the sooner we get there, and the sooner I can kick their asses!"

Alex grinned at John. "Let's get going then! Race you to the motorcycle!"

"You're on!" John chortled.

"Whoo!" Alex cheered as they burst out of John's dorm room and thundered down the halls. "Winter's Ball, here we come!"

* * *

Alex dismounted John's motorcycle and stood in front of King's College. The faint sound of music throbbed through the air. Screams of joy drifted through the wind.

"Er," John said, "I can hear it, but I just can't see it… where'd you think it is?"

"Maybe it's in the gym," Alex suggested.

"Good idea," John said, nodding.

The two boys walked into campus, the darkness encasing them and soon, obscured from anyone who could be watching from the parking lot. A bush rustled and a shadow darted into the side gate of the school.

* * *

Alex and John neared the gym, and the sounds of classical music and chatter grew louder. Alex halted abruptly, all of the sudden feeling nauseous. John stopped too and looked down at Alex in surprise.

"Are you okay?" John asked.

Alex hesitated before shaking his head. He swallowed bile that was rising quickly in his throat. Alex saw John frown in concern, and he led Alex aside towards a planter. John gently pushed Alex down and then perched besides him.

"What's wrong?" John asked.

"I-I don't like large social gatherings." Alex muttered.

 _I remember the last time I went to a school dance… it was horrid… I had never experienced anything quite as bad as that… well, besides the hurricane, that is..._

"Why?" John questioned.

"They make me panic… anxiety attacks." Alex muttered, wrapping his arms around himself and squeezing his abdomen.

John scooched closer and then engulfed Alex in a hug, burying his face in Alex's soft hair. Alex, trembling from the cold and nerves, pressed back into John.

"It's okay," John whispered. "I will be right by your side the whole night… that is, if you want me to…"

Alex lifted his head to peer into John's eyes. "Are you crazy?" Alex spluttered. "Of course I want you with me!"

John's face broke out into an astonishingly bright smile. "Awesome!"

Alex smiled softly and buried his face into the crook of John's neck. John fiddled with Alex's hair gently. Finally, Alex murmured:

"I think I'm ready now."

John nodded and stood up, taking Alex's arm.

"Come on," he said softly. "we go in together."

He felt John link his arm with Alex's own. Alex walked towards the doors of the gym, feeling as if he was floating in a dream. John stopped in front of the doors and gave Alex one comforting smile before throwing them open and hollering, "WHAT TIME IS IT?"

Lafayette and Hercules ran up to him while shouting, "SHOWTIME!"

John laughed as Hercules pulled him inside. Alex stumbled as the doors swung shut, his arm still linked with John's. His eyes were glued to the floor.

"Alex," he heard John say softly, "look up."

And so Alex did. Then he gasped.

Colorful streamers in the colors of Christmas were thrown over the rafters. Two machines spewed synthetic snow from the metal beams of the ceiling, people screaming as the white flakes drifted through the air.

A large space was cleared in the center of the gym, with many people dancing to a live orchestra, which was up on a stage. Real pine trees lined the walls, and their clay pots were painted with red, white, and green. Tinsel and golden ornaments decorated the needles.

There was a fake Santa Claus in the corner, where people were taking pictures next to. Refreshment tables were strewn around, and Alex spotted everything from eggnog to pumpkin bread to what looked like a giant chocolate fountain.

"It's so beautiful!" Alex breathed. John's arm dropped from his and suddenly, Alex found himself holding hands with the boy besides him.

Alex peered shyly into John's beautiful eyes once more. John positively glowed with happiness as he said, "Can I borrow Mister Alexander Hamilton for a dance?"

"Yes you can," Alex whispered, still awed.

John dragged Alex into the throng of people. They managed to find a space, but not before the orchestra struck up an extremely fast tune.

"Okay, now it's time to dance like crazy people!" John cried out, grabbing Alex's hands and spinning him around in a circle.

"Woah!" Alex laughed as everything whirled around him.

Alex stumbled and John caught his arm before he could fall, pulling him up. They proceeded to do some sort of tango. John even mimed holding a flower in-between his teeth as he grinned at Alex. Alex chuckled as John pulled him close to his chest.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Lafayette and Hercules waving bottles of alcohol around as they did what looked like an Irish Step-Dance. They would be flat out drunk in a matter of minutes.

"How did people manage to get drink in here?" Alex yelled to John over the noise. "I thought this was an alcohol-free campus!"

"That was probably Lee!" John shouted back. "He does that every year; started it sophomore year of highschool!"

"Cool!" Alex hollered.

They danced together for three fast songs. When the last cheerful note faded away, Alex realized that his face was really close to John's. John's cheeks were flushed and his eyes were shining. The few curls that had escaped his elastic were damp with sweat.

John slowly pulled him closer, and Alex closed his eyes, face tilted up, and…

"NO HOMO!" someone shouted, pulling Alex away from John.

Alex's face was a brilliant scarlet, and he turned to see a tipsy Jefferson smiling gleefully. James was nowhere to be seen.

"But Thomas!" Alex protested, "You're gay too!"

Thomas stopped and considered Alex's statement.

"Hm, I guess you're right. HEY, JAMIE!" he screamed suddenly, hooking an arm into the crowd and pulling out a very confused and ruffled James.

"W-What, Thomas?" James stuttered.

"KISS ME NOW!" Thomas screeched. He then swooped down and kissed James full on the mouth. It looked like James had a minor spaz attack, but he wrapped his arms around Jefferson's waist, pulling them closer together.

Lafayette and Hercules joined Alex and John, and the four of them snickered.

"Thomas is so awesome when he's drunk." Hercules guffawed. He caught Lafayette's eye and quickly revised his statement.

"Thomas is so awesome when he's drunk, but you're still _more_ awesome, Lafayette!" Hercules slurred.

Lafayette nodded, his eyes glazed, and turned to John and Alex. "I am the best."

John covered his mouth with his hands, shaking with silent laughter. Alex was completely bemused, leaning against the freckled boy's shoulder.

"I'm sure you are," John said, his voice rather bubbly.

Lafayette frowned. "Are you laughing at me, mon ami?"

"Yes!" Alex blurted out before grabbing John's hand and darting away.

"BYE LAF, BYE HERC!" John shouted through the crowd.

Alex led John over to the corner of the gym, and two two dived beneath a tree. Immediately, they burst out into great, gulping fits of laughter, and John nearly rolled out and into plain sight.

"John, be careful!" Alex laughed. "We're hiding, don't forget!"

"We are? From whom?" John snickered. "Not Herc and Laf?"

"Yes Herc and Laf." Alex retorted, giggling.

"They have it _so bad._ " John laughed.

"I know!" Alex exclaimed.

They let silence creep comfortably in-between them. Alex and John were squashed together, close enough that Alex could literally just curl into John's chest if he wanted to. Which he did. But he didn't.

"Hey, Alex." John said softly. "Um, remember when we stopped dancing and I kind of… tried to, you know… I don't know…"

"Kiss me?" Alex teased gently. "No—" he said, interpreting John's facial expression correctly, "—it's perfectly fine. I mean, actually, more than fine, but—"

"Yeah," John cut in, still looking uncomfortable.

"John," Alex said softly, "really, it's okay."

There was a few moments silence before John spoke up.

"If Jefferson hadn't, you know, stopped us, would you have…?"

Alex looked into those eyes, the eyes he trusted, the eyes he loved, the eyes that held the power to destroy him.

"Yes," he breathed. "Always."

* * *

 **Aww! Alex and John, laying under a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage! Then comes a surrogate mother and a baby carriage! *hint hint***


	20. A Winter's Ball (Pt Two)

**Chapter Twenty**

* * *

Alex and John were up and out from under the tree, their clothes slightly disheveled, hair moderately messy. The most Hercules and Lafayette could do was speculate about what their two friends had been up to.

John handed Alex a styrofoam cup filled with eggnog. Alex accepted it but didn't drink it as he watched John chugging the strong-smelling liquid down.

John caught Alex's eye and raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to drink that?"

"Er," Alex said, "is there any alcohol in this?"

John shifted his feet. "Might be a bit of rum, but I don't really know, actually."

Alex stared at the creamy liquid. "I've never had eggnog before."

"No?" John asked.

"No." Alex confirmed.

"Well," John said, "it takes a bit vanilla-y and… eggy."

Alex rolled his eyes but smiled. "Wow."

"So…? You going to?" John prompted. "Cause if you aren't, I will…"

Alex glared at him and took a sip. It tasted like sweet milk.

"Bleh," Alex said, shuddering.

John plucked the cup from Alex's hands and tipped it back, and downing its contents.

"Hey," Alex protested, even though he didn't like the eggnog that much.

John blinked at him innocently. "Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like another one?"

"Uh, I think I'm fine." Alex said quickly.

John smiled. "Bet you are."

"Right," Alex grinned. "And so are you."

John flipped his hair. "I'm more than fine. I'm fantastic!"

Alex laughed. Suddenly, someone tapped his shoulder and Alex turned around. It was Angelica, dressed in a silky, pale pink dress.

"Might you be under obligation to have a dance with me?" she asked Alex, her eyes sparkling.

"Oh, John, I forgot," Alex said, turning back around. "I owe Angelica one."

John smiled and waved Alex away. "Go have a dance with Miss Schuyler! I'll be waiting for you over here! With the eggnog!"

"Okay," Alex said, feeling relieved that John hadn't shown any sign of resentment or jealousy.

"Go!" John shouted, pushing him into Angelica. "And you'd better dance like Disney Princesses _or else!_ "

"Or else what?" Alex asked.

"I'm forcing you to drink eggnog mixed with tea tomorrow!" John exclaimed.

"Ugh," Alex shivered. "No."

"THEN GO DANCE LIKE DI—"

"Okay, okay!" Alex cried, covering John's mouth with one of his hands to shush him. "We're going!"

Angelica took his arm and they stepped lightly into the center of the dance floor. The orchestra was right in the middle of Chopin's Waltz in A minor. Dancing with Angelica wasn't horrible, but it wasn't as great as dancing with John. Nevertheless, Alex allowed himself to relax and enjoy himself.

Angelica sighed. "The dance this year is much better than the previous ones. But I do admit, the one that my father hosts occasionally are much more splendid."

"You strike me," Alex said jokingly, "as a woman who has never been satisfied."

Angelica narrowed her eyes. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean. You forget yourself."

Alex raised his eyebrows and grinned. "You're like me. I'm never satisfied."

Angelica looked mildly intrigued. "Is that right?"

"I've never been satisfied," Alex confirmed.

Angelica took a breath and smiled. "My name is Angelica Schuyler."

Alex blinked and narrowed his eyes playfully. He saw where this was going.

"Alexander Hamilton."

"Where's your family from?" Angelica asked, sounding genuinely curious.

Alex bit his lip. "Unimportant. There's a million things I haven't done, but, just you wait, just you wait…"

Then something sparked in Angelica's eyes. Alex thought it might have been deep respect. Then Angelica grinned and grabbed his hand, breaking their dance. She started dragging Alex towards a corner of the floor.

"Where are you taking me?" Alex questioned, laughing slightly.

"I'm about to change your life!" she exclaimed.

"Then by all means, lead the way!"

Suddenly the sea of people parted, and Alex's heart nearly stopped. There stood Eliza, dressed in a floaty silvery-blue dress, beautiful as the moon. Her eyes lit up like stars when she saw Alex.

As they approached, she curtsied. "Elizabeth Schuyler, it's a pleasure to meet you!"

Alex wondered if the two sisters had conspired together before the dance, their plan to pretend that they had never met one another before the Ball. Whatever it was, Alex found it highly amusing, and he played along.

"Schuyler?" he questioned.

"My sister." Angelica said warmly.

"Thank you for all your service."

 _Service? What does she mean? It's like I was drafted into the military or something, fighting for my country._

"If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it." Alex said, leaning on his hunch and praying that it was right.

Eliza blushed and Angelica waved her fingers. "I'll leave you to it!"

As she disappeared into the crowd, Eliza pulled Alex into a Foxtrot. As they danced, Eliza gazed into Alex's eyes, and he stared somewhat dreamily back. But even Eliza couldn't stifle the pangs for John in his stomach.

As the song ended, they stepped away from each other. If Alex hadn't been thinking about John, would he have held Eliza close? Maybe not, because Eliza had this... _look_ on her face. She was searching for someone in the crowd.

Suddenly, her eyes lit up and she murmured a polite "good-bye" to Alex before dashing into the middle of the throng of people. Alex turned around and made his way back to John.

* * *

John was surrounded by a band of girls, who were obviously trying to flirt with him. He just blinked stupidly back and was ducking his head nervously, looking anywhere but at them. Alex felt a huge rush of gratitude and satisfaction towards his dearest friend.

"John!" Alex called.

John's eyes fell on Alex and seemed to shine with relief and perhaps a little of something else. John stumbled away from the girls and towards Alex.

"Hey, I've been wondering when you would come back!" John said, sounding just a little tipsy.

"You've been drinking?" Alex asked.

"Um, I had fi— a few beers, but then Lee puked right in front of me, so I stopped." John grimaced.

Alex blinked. "Good thing you ceased to drink any more."

John nodded. "Yes."

His eyes focused on something behind Alex and John spun his friend around.

"What do you think they're doing?"

A majority of the crowd had gathered together, forming a large circle. Alex caught Lafayette's eye, and the frenchman motioned him over. Alex took John's arm and led him towards the mass of people. They squeezed in-between Samuel Seabury and Lafayette.

"What're we doing?" Alex asked, and Seabury shushed him.

"Shut up and look, you dolt!" he hissed, pointing to Thomas, who had stepped out into the middle of the circle. Suddenly, a hush fell over the crowd and Thomas started shouting.

"If you haven't met me yet, you haven't had the chance, 'cause I've been kickin' ass as the top student of the class! But someone's gotta keep the King's promise, you simply must meet me, Thomas!"

Everyone laughed and whooped. Suddenly, Samuel Seabury was pushed out from next to Alex. He blinked for a few seconds before snippily yelling:

"Hear ye, hear ye! My name is Samuel Seabury, and I present 'Why Alexander is Actually Homosexual'! Heed not the boy who scream 'I'm not gay!' He have not any woman at heart!—"

That's all he got to say before Eliza pounced on him and dragged him away, Angelica on her heels. Maria followed close behind. All three looked positively spitting with rage.

"Seabury's not going to have a pleasant night," John chucked.

Alex laughed and Lafayette grinned.

Suddenly, Peggy bounced up and shoved John out, whispering fiercely, "It's your turn!"

"Peggy, why're you here? I thought this dance was for King's students only." Alex asked.

"Maria invited me!" she said cheerfully. "Now go on, John!"

John turned around and glanced at Alex helplessly, but the boy in the purple shirt only grinned and winked.

"You're on your own!" Alex shouted.

John huffed and turned back around to face the crowd.

Suddenly, John broke out into an energetic rap.

"Showtime, showtime, YO! I'm John Laurens in the place to be, two pints o' Sam Adams, but I'm workin' on three! Uh!"

"My cousin Sam was named after that beer!" John Adams shouted.

"Donald Trump don't want it with me, 'cuz I will pop-chick-a-pop his chops 'till we're free!"

Alex jumped in immediately. "I've got a scholarship to King's College! I prob'ly shouldn't brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish! The problem is I got a lot of brains but no polish, I gotta holler just to be heard, with every word, I drop knowledge! And damn, it's pretty dark, so let me spell out the name! I am the A-L-E-X-A-N-D-E-R — we are — meant to be: a country that loves unanimously! Meanwhile, Trump would dump his shit on us endlessly!"

Lafayette whistled appreciatively as he stepped up.

"Oui oui, mon ami, je m'appelle Lafayette! The Lancelot of King's College, I'll bet! I came from afar just to say 'Bonsoir!' Tell Jefferson 'Casse toi!' Who's the best? C'est moi!"

Hercules butted in and screamed, "Brah, brah! I am Hercules Mulligan! Up in it, lovin' it, yes I heard ya mother said 'Come again?'"

"Ayyy!" Lafayette and John chorused.

"Lock up ya daughters and horses, of course, it's hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets…"

"Wow," Lafayette said.

"No more sex!" John shouted, laughing along with the rest of the crowd.

Alex grinned and draped an arm around John. John leaned back into Alex as everyone continued to shout and challenge one another. Soon, people started demanding chicken fights. One look of a scuffed-up Seabury clambering on top of Lee was enough to send Alex and John scurrying outside.

The doors swung shut behind them, and John exhaled, pushing his damp curls out of his face. Though the cold was bitter and biting, but Alex still relished it. The two boys walked around campus, joking and lightly flirting, kept warm by the fires blooming in their hearts.

As they rounded a corner, they spotted Lafayette and Hercules rushing towards them.

"JOOOHN!" Hercules shouted, "They're doing Truth-or-Dare now!"

"Uh, no way." John said, Alex nodding fervently in agreement.

"Why not, mon ami?" Lafayette pouted, shaking John by the shoulders every-so slightly.

"I'm not going to embarrass myself in front of a bunch of people doing some stupid dare or telling a shameful secret!" John retorted.

John then leaned towards Alex and started murmuring in an undertone. "I mean, I'm all for it if we're only doing it with you, Laf, and Herc. But just not in public."

Hercules turned to Alex, oblivious to John's whispering. "What about you?"

"Er, no, I think I'm with John on this one." Alex said awkwardly.

Hercules sighed, and grabbed one of Alex's hands and started dragging him towards the gym. Lafayette did the same thing for John.

"N-No!" John wailed, struggling.

Alex managed to tear his arm out of Hercules's grasp and he rushed up to Lafayette. He freed John and the two of them fled the scene, Hercules hollering after them.

"You'll be back!"

"Nope!" Alex shouted through the chilly December night.

"Whoo!" John screamed, "I feel so alive right now!"

"John, you're drunk!" Alex laughed.

"Aye, go home!" John snickered.

Then, John promptly tripped over Alex and the two of them rolled into a bush.

"Hmm," John observed. "Under the vegetation again?"

"I guess so," Alex said.

"This time, no one's around to see us, eh?" John smirked.

"Uh, I-I— yes?" Alex stammered.

John said nothing, and just grinned deviously. Alex stared back.

Suddenly, John screeched loudly.

"I, JOHN LAURENS, AM WITH ALEXANDER HAMILTON AND WE ARE STUCK IN A BUSH!"

"John, you are strange," Alex said, in awe of John's weirdness.

John did a happy little squirm. "Yes, and drunk!"

* * *

Alex was feeling apprehensive about letting John drive back. John insisted that he was fully sober, but Alex knew that he was probably still a little unstable.

"Are you sure about this?" Alex asked nervously as he wrapped his arms tighter around John's waist.

"I'm sure. One-hundred percent." John said firmly.

Alex closed his eyes and whispered a meek: "Well, if you say so…"

John started the engine.

"You're safe with me," he said. "As long as I'm around, I promise that nothing will hurt you."

Alex believed him.

The ride back to John's dorm happened without a mishap.

* * *

Alex was so tired. Yawning hugely, he stumbled into John's room. It took all of his willpower not to just pass out on the couch. John noticed his fatigue.

"You can stay the night at my place," he said softly.

Alex blinked. "What? Really?"

"Yep," John said, "I'd be delighted to have you over!"

"Cool," Alex said.

"You can have that bed over there." John pointed to the bed Alex slept in the last time he was over.

"Oh, thanks so much, John. I don't know where I would be without you." Alex said gratefully as he flopped onto the comfy bed.

John turned off the lights and snuggled down under the sheets.

"No problem, Alex," he whispered. "Now, go to sleep."

Alex closed his eyes and immediately dropped off. John quickly followed in pursuit.

* * *

 **I'm just as tired as Alex. Mhmhmhm, I'm giving in to the Lams. Mullette's also going to escalate quickly from this point. Got so many references to the actual play in this chapter. *Yaaaawwwwwnnnnn* Ugh, this took forever to write… so… yeah… *snores***


	21. Rights

**Chapter Twenty-One**

* * *

Alex blinked his eyes open to the soft morning light. He rolled over, momentarily confused, before remembering last night. It was magical, easily one of his best memories. Alex sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He scanned the room for John, but without any luck, and then concluded that his friend must either be in the kitchen or the bathroom.

Alex decided to try the kitchen first, and as soon as he stepped into the small room, the overpowering smell of burnt toast invaded his nostrils. Alex peered into the room and tried to stifle a laugh. John was sitting on the counter, a pile of completely blackened bread in hand.

"Hi, Alex!" John exclaimed cheerfully. "I made toast!"

"I see." Alex said, slightly nonplussed.

"Um, it was supposed to be like this, I swear!" John said as black dust trickled out of his hand and onto the counter.

"What'd you do this time?" Alex sighed, plopping down into a chair.

"I tried to toast the bread in the oven for a change." John said, looking a little abashed.

Alex stared at the burnt pastry. "Smart," he said sarcastically.

John rolled his eyes.

"Meh," he said, getting up and throwing the bread out of the window. "I wanted to make breakfast with you anyways!"

"John, you know I — we — can't really cook!" Alex protested.

John arched an eyebrow. "Or can we?"

"Er… no?" Alex guessed.

"We _can!_ " John announced, opening the refrigerator door with a flourish.

"Uh, okay." Alex said, getting up to survey the contents of the bread compartment with John.

"We're having chicken nuggets for breakfast!" John announced.

Alex laughed. "Whatever you say, boss." Hardly anything John did surprised him anymore.

After a breakfast of almost non-burnt chicken nuggets, Alex and John wandered down to the parking lot of the dorm rooms, kicking over empty canteens and stomping soda cans flat. It was kind of peaceful.

But for some reason, Alex was feeling a little bit sad, and about as empty as one of the bottles. He didn't know why, but it was so. He should have been happy, right? Alex peeped shyly at John, who was kicking a scrap of aluminum across the blacktop.

John then turned around and stuck his tongue out at Alex. Alex looked away quickly and blushed as John pushed the curls out of his face and stared at the sky.

"God, it's freezing out here!" John complained.

As if the sky heard John's comment, immediately, snow stared to fall, light and fluffy and cold. John grumbled as he squashed a snowflake.

"Don't!" Alex protested, chasing after a sprinting John and failing to protect the harmless snowfall.

Suddenly, John stopped came to an abrupt halt, and Alex smashed into him, sending both of them sprawling to the floor. Just to make the situation worse, Lafayette and Hercules shot out of the building (at the same time) and pointed gleefully at them.

"Oooh!" Lafayette cooed while Hercules sniggered.

Alex quickly scrambled off of John, silently furious with himself and blushing. John just sat there, looking a bit dazed. Alex was acutely aware that they were still wearing the same clothes then had on at the Ball.

Alex caught John's eye and then quickly looked away. Hercules and Lafayette teased them for the rest of the day, but Alex didn't mind, and neither did John.

* * *

Alex sat patiently as John finished the asexual flag on his left cheek. The march started in one hour, and Alex was the last to get his face painted. John had stenciled an ace flag on each of their left cheeks, an aromatic flag on the right.

John and Hercules had the gay pride flag on their foreheads, Lafayette had the pansexual, and Alex had a bisexual.

"John," Alex said once his artistic friend had finished, "I actually never knew your sexuality until now."

"What?" John said, agast. "You never knew I was gay?"

"No," Alex told him, "you never ca— er, I mean, told me about your, um, gay-ness."

"You are such a dork," John said, swabbing the tip of Alex's nose with the wet paintbrush.

Alex wrinkled his nose and tried to wipe off the purple paint, but all he did was just smear it around more. Hercules and Lafayette snickered as John tried to conceal a smile. Alex glared at John, looking quite stupid with a large purple blur on his face.

"Let _me_ have a go with that brush!" Alex demanded.

"Er— no, I think we're actually ready to leave now!" John said, hastily dumping the paintbrush in a sink and grabbing his keys.

Alex huffed as John practically flew out the door, leaving nothing but a waft of his clean scent behind.

* * *

Alex stood next to Lafayette, who had the painted cardboard signs under his arm. They were standing in a huge mass of people; more than 500,000 had attended the march. Hercules, easily the largest of them all, had a petite John on his shoulders, who was waving an aro flag around and screaming like crazy.

Suddenly, they heard a trumpet blare an high A, and Alex whipped around. A huge marching band was approaching them. Seas of trumpets and trombones. An ocean of soprano, alto, tenor, and baritone saxophones. Rivers of B flat, bass, and alto clarinets merged with a stream of piccolos and flutes. A huge selection of percussion followed a line of tubas, baritones, and euphoniums.

Alex, Lafayette, Hercules, and John whooped and hollered. The marching band was absolutely fantastic, and the floats behind them were just as magnificent.

They bore all different types of pride flags, but ace and aro were the most common of the lot. John scrambled down off of Hercules and stood by Alex, watching the floats pass by with an awestruck look on his face.

 _Damn, he's so cute._

Just then, someone tapped him on the shoulder and Alex turned around, his mouth dropping open in surprise.

"Well, if it isn't Aaron Burr!" Alex exclaimed.

"Sir…?" Aaron grimaced.

"I never thought I would see you here!" John grinned.

"Well… I'm ace." Aaron mumbled shyly.

"Nice!" Alex laughed. "Glad to see another pride-r over here!"

"Pride-r?" John hissed in Alex's ear. "Really?"

Alex just grinned and slung one arm over Aaron's shoulders, and another over John's.

"We're going to have a _fantastic_ time here, just you wait!" he shouted.

* * *

"Raise a flag to freedom!" Hercules bellowed, waving two aro flags around crazily.

"Or you'll never see it again!" Lafayette cried alongside his friend, holding both cardboard signs up. One said: _Asexual pirate isn't interested in your booty!_ Another read: _Cute & Single & Having NO Intention to Mingle! _

Alex laughed as John dropped a few coins and bills into a collection tin. A few stray animals were running around, their collars bearing advertisements and dates for the next marches and other events.

John squatted down by an old tortoise while Alex stroked a small white cat, whose green eyes glinted mischievously back at him. With a sorrowful pang, he was reminded of the orange tabby he had left back in the pet shop.

 _Wherever you are, small friend, I hope you are happy and healthy._

"Alexander!" Aaron called, "I think this might interest you!"

Alex walked over to him. He was squatting down besides a tan Italian Greyhound, which was wagging its tail brightly.

"There is a biromantic event on the Friday after next, at three-thirty pm. I just thought you might be interested."

"Thanks, Aaron." Alex said gratefully. "I'll think about it."

Then he got up and wandered through the crowd, looking for either Hercules, Lafayette, or John. Alex found Lafayette first, talking excitedly to a French horn player. She had a handsome face and long dirty-blonde hair that was trapped in two frayed braids.

Lafayette grinned when he caught sight of Alex and motioned him forward. Alex quickened his pace, and soon he was standing besides his friend.

"Meet Adrienne!" Lafayette announced, "she goes to King's also, second chair French horn!"

"Alexander Hamilton, pleasure to meet you." Alex said politely.

"Oh, thank you!" she twinkled, "Nice knowing you too!"

Adrienne turned back to Lafayette.

"Now for the really high C, it's no fingers, right? Because Adams claims it's only a three, but his main instrument is the trumpet, only picked up horn a year ago, so what does he know?"

"No fingers," Lafayette confirmed, "and you really shouldn't listen to Adams, il est un cul stupide."

Adrienne shot him an exasperated look.

"Just because I play French horn, doesn't mean I speak the foreign language."

"Oh, my apologies, I forgot," Lafayette said, sounding far from sorry. His eyes sparkled mischievously and Adrienne frowned.

Alex sighed internally and wandered away to find Hercules. Maybe he could drag Lafayette away from this girl before he offended her greatly or start the first fight of the event.

* * *

It was about the end of the march, and everyone was starting to dissipate. Aaron rejoined them, glancing quizzically at the signs and their slangs. "You guys aren't ace or aro, right?"

"Well," John said, "that's true, but we still show pride and support for members of our community!"

Aaron nodded. "Theodosia is demi, but she sometimes goes to gay pride. She should have been here today, but unfortunately, developed a cough. Nothing too serious, though."

"Well, I hope she feels better soon." Hercules said, overhearing Aaron's last statement. "Now, if ya'll don't mind, I think it's time we started heading back."

They murmured agreement and started drifting towards their parked vehicles. Alex turned around and caught Aaron's eye.

"See you later, Burr!" he shouted.

Aaron only waved in reply before turning around and disappearing into the crowd.

Alex's phone buzzed, probably for the twentieth time during the past few hours, but he quickly silenced it. Whoever it was could wait.

 _I want to spend the last few bits of sunshine today with John._

* * *

Alex laughed as John sped down an abandoned dirt path, the wind tearing stinging tears from his eyes. John turned a corner sharply and Alex screamed, clutching John's waist tighter. John chuckled, veering again before zooming straight down another winding road.

"Slow down!" Alex begged as trees blurred past him, "I can't see anything anymore!"

"Okay, okay." John conceded reluctantly, easing on the brakes gently.

As John finally rolled to a stop, Alex nearly flopped off, staggering. He took off the helmet and shook his hair free. Out of the corner of his eye, Alex saw John doing the exact same thing.

Alex skipped towards his friend, helmet under arm, and felt a goofy grin light up his face. He took John's forearm and led him over to a scraggly old apple tree. There were a few dried, black, and wrinkled apples littering the floor.

John picked up one of the rotten fruit and held it out at arms-length.

"D'you think we should bring a few back for Lafayette?" he joked, "Maybe he wants to make an apple pie!"

Alex snorted. "I doubt even _Lafayette_ could turn that putrid old apple into something delicious."

John nodded his agreement as he chucked the apple over his shoulder. Then he looked up and something almost like confusion flashed in his eyes for a fraction of a second. But then they were back to normal, softly sparkling. Alex thought he might have just been imagining it.

"Oh, by the way," Alex said, "Merry Christmas Eve!"

John huffed. "Wait 'till tomorrow, then you can say 'Merry Christmas!' You know 'merry Christmas Eve' just doesn't work."

Alex grinned and turned away, completely blindsided to John's actions as his friend reached up and plucked an apple bossom off of a dead branch, pocketing the flower.

"Yo, Alex." John said, withdrawing his hand, "I think it's time I finally showed you something. C'mon."

Alex faced John again and blinked, somewhat confused, but nodded and relented. He followed John back over to his motorcycle. He smiled sadly over his shoulder at Alex as he hopped on, and they roared away, down the abandoned dirt lane.

* * *

Alex was trudging through the mangy and overgrown grass, following John blindly.

"Hey, John, where are we going?" he asked, panting.

John didn't reply, just forged ahead, his pace almost restless. Alex hurried towards him, almost tripping over a rabbit-hole. John threw an amused glance over his shoulder and winked, which nearly turned Alex's legs into mush.

Alex finally caught up with John as the crest of a hill.

"John? Wha— oh."

It was a single gravestone. Scratched onto it was John's own perfectly neat handwriting. A single gay pride flag, torn and faded, was fluttering in the slight breeze. A few wildflowers had spread over the grave.

Alex stepped closer to take a look. The headstone read: _Whoops. There goes my heterosexuality. RIP, will not be missed. 1999 —_ _2011_. There were two names carved beneath.

 _Lafayette - Pansexual_

 _Mulligan - Gay_

John turned to Alex and withdrew a pocketknife.

"I would be very honored," he said softly, "if you put yours down there too."

Alex simply nodded, not trusting his vocal cords to work, and set to work scraping his name into the stone. After he was done, Alex stepped back to join John as he admired his handiwork.

 _Hamilton - Bisexual_

Then, after a long moment, they set off, the sunset at their backs, and headed towards John's motorcycle, the wind tousling their hair.

* * *

 **Pls don't judge me, I'm just a lonely 14-year-old who has never been to a pride march because her parents are quite the homophobes. School is approaching… I can smell it. It stinks of strawberry shampoo. ;) Anyways, I'm so grateful that you guys have dedicated some of your time to reading this Hamiltrash. Lots of loves, and many thanks! ;3 Oh, I almost forgot… *barfs up a whole gallon of poppy petals*. "Aaron might be cured, but I am not…" she whispers.**


	22. Bittersweet Christmas

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

* * *

John woke up to the sound of thrashing. He quickly sat up and crossed the room to turn on the lights. He illuminated Alex, who was wrapped up in his sheets, writhing and twisting, his eyes screwed shut.

John immediately ran over to his friend and gently shook him awake. Alex froze at John's touch and slowly opened his eyes, his pupils dilated in terror.

"Alex," John said softly, "it's me, John Laurens. Whatever that was, it's not real. It was just… just a dream."

"Nightmare," Alex muttered, " _not_ a dream."

John glanced at the clock. It was 5:11am. He yawned widely, having stayed up most of the night putting the finishing touches on a few projects. He had been working on them for quite awhile.

"Er, you can go to sleep," Alex mumbled, even in his sluggish state noticing John's obvious fatigue. "I'm fine now…"

John sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Better not risk it. C'mon, scooch over."

Alex blushed but moved aside, leaving some room for John on the small bed. John slid next to Alex, and wrapped a comforting arm around the trembling boy.

"It's okay," John whispered, "I'm here."

Finally, after about one slow hour, Alex was able to drift into sleep. John, only half-conscious, stumbled into his own bed. And almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, he also fell into a deep slumber. The next morning, Alex wouldn't remember a thing, not even his horrible nightmare.

* * *

John was awoken by the soft tinkling of Christmas bells. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. The window was emitting a silvery glow, shades drawn back. Snow was piled high on the sill. It felt cold, but not cold, at the same time.

"John!"

The freckled boy started at the loud sound. A moment later, Alex jumped onto the bed and tackled John into a hug.

"Wha—?" John gasped.

"Merry Christmas!" Alex sang, giving John a little squeeze.

John grinned and returned the gesture, relishing Alex's warmth. They stayed locked in an embrace until John's alarm went off, startling them enough to tumble off the bed. John slapped the alarm clock sheepishly, and the sharp beeps died abruptly.

"Oops," he mumbled, "I guess I forgot to turn it off last night."

Alex smiled. "It's alright, anyways, it's about eight, not _that_ early. Now, c'mon, let's help Laf with breakfast!"

He scampered after Alex, and they found Lafayette in John's kitchen, already working hard.

"Hey, Laf, why are you using _my_ kitchen?" John asked.

"The stove at my place broke." Lafayette retorted, preheating an oven. "Now help me, mon ami, there are herbs to be mixed on the counter. Go on!"

John turned to the kitchen counter where a few exotic spice bottles sat.

"Er, would you like me to mix them… together? Like, in a bowl?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes, do that," Lafayette replied. "And Alex, go to my room and take the turkey out of the refrigerator!"

"We're having turkey for breakfast?" John asked stupidly, sifting paprika in with the cumin and thyme.

"No! It's for dinner!" Lafayette cried, exasperated, as Alex scurried out of the room.

Soon he returned with a large and cold turkey. Lafayette brushed Alex aside once the poultry sat on the table, grabbed a bowl of some sort of sauce and the spices, and started to slather and paste the bird.

"How about breakfast?" John asked.

"Uh, just have… whatever?" Lafayette guessed. "Er— you can have chocolate-peppermint pancakes, if you'd like…?"

"Cool," Alex said, "do we have to make them? Or do you have some already?"

"Faire les crêpes." Lafayette said.

Alex and John groaned simultaneously.

"Ugh, fine! Get something else, then!" Lafayette snapped, but light-heartedly so.

"Uh, okay?" John said, and at the exact same moment, Hercules burst into the room.

"What're you all doing?" he asked.

"Cooking," all three men replied.

"Pish, lame." Hercules said, rolling his eyes.

Then, after a few seconds, he blurted out: "Can _I_ help?"

Lafayette smirked. "Yes, you can help these gens stupides make pancakes."

" _Chocolate-peppermint_ pancakes!" Alex interjected enthusiastically.

"Great! Yum!" Hercules exclaimed.

* * *

Between the three of them, they were able to whip up a few batches quickly, and the aroma of chocolate and peppermint soon filled the air. Lafayette provided a fruit salad, and they drank coffee, tea, and orange juice. It was a good breakfast.

"C'mon, Herc, let's play in the snow!" John said, wrapping a thick scarf around his neck.

Lafayette huffed and deftly chopped another potato.

"Oh, Laf, take a break!" Alex begged, pulling on his friend's sleeve.

"Do you want a Christmas dinner or not?" Lafayette asked, sounding annoyed.

"It doesn't have to be real' fancy!" Hercules exclaimed, cramming a pair of boots onto his boat-like feet.

"Yeah, don't work yourself down to the bone!" John said.

Lafayette rolled his eyes. "Okay, give me ten minutes, then I'll join you."

John cheered and kicked open the door, scurrying into the thick and fluffy snow. Hercules soon followed pursuit, Alex right behind him.

"Whooo!" John screamed, throwing a snowball at Alex just as he stepped outside.

"J-John!" Alex shrieked, scraping snow off of his face. "It's freezing!"

John rolled his eyes. "Yeah, genius, it's _snow!_ Of course it's going to be cold!"

Alex retaliated by throwing a snowy sludge into John's hair, the dirty water trickling into his shirt as it melted. It was John's turn to claw frantically at his head, Hercules guffawing from a distance.

John quickly amassed an army of snowballs, Alex bringing up walls of a snow fort. As soon as Lafayette joined them outside, they began a snowball fight— John and Alex versus Hercules and Lafayette.

* * *

Alex gasped as Hercules's snowy projectile hit him square in the face. Brushing the cold white from his eyes, he only had a moment to adjust before another hit him in the neck. Screwing his eyes closed, Alex lobbed his snowball as far away as possible, and a squeal told him that it had found its mark. He dropped behind the snow wall as John took aim.

"Incoming!" John yelled as he ducked next to Alex, a flurry of snow flying over their heads.

Once his butt was properly soaked through with the icy snowmelt, Alex raised his head and threw snowball after snowball, about half of them sailing harmlessly over his opponent's heads. Then John came to the rescue, lobbing the white sludge with precise aim, coating Lafayette with the ice until he begged for mercy.

"J'abandonne! J'abandonne!" he shrieked.

"Not me!" Hercules cried, understanding Lafayette's relent even though he did not speak the language.

"Let's get 'im!" John yelled, hurtling his snowballs, and Hercules twisted, as if dodging bullets.

After a very long time, Hercules was finally defeated, and they called it quits. The sun was high in the sky, but a blustery wind nipped their faces. One by one, they trooped back into the house. Lafayette had already been inside for quite awhile, cooking and baking passionately.

They were welcomed with a mug of peppermint tea — or in Alex's case, coffee — and a bowl of hot broth. All four of them sat around John's square, wooden table, talking and joking.

"Aw man, I'm still hungry!" Hercules moaned after he had finished the spare meal.

"Well, we're having a small lunch because we're having a large Christmas dinner!" Lafayette said, clearing away the plates.

Just then, a knock sounded on the door. Shooting one-another quizzical looks, Hercules opened it, revealing two snow-dusted figures on the threshold. There was a few seconds of silence before John emitted a strangled scream and backed up into a wall.

"John?" Alex said, moving towards the cowering boy. "D-Do you know these people?"

One of the newcomers removed a scarf from his mouth, revealing a face full of freckles. The other took off his hat and shook out a head full of curly hair. There was silence.

"Oh, John, don't you remember us?" one of them asked after a few moments of silence.

"J-James? Hen?" John whispered. "Is it really you?"

The freckled one grinned. "Betcha, John. How're you holding up?"

With a dry sob, John flung himself into the arms of one of his brothers.

"Hen, I've missed you so much!" John sniffed as his older brother wrapped him into a comforting hug.

John disentangled himself and then yanked his other brother, Alex assumed James, into a headlock.

"Hey, squirt. How have ya been?" John chuckled, still sounding a bit watery.

Alex felt a pang resonate deep inside of him.

 _I also had a brother named James. He's dead now._

John caught his eye and motioned him to step forward. Henry Jr. eyed Alex with great interest, while James blinked at him, looking a little wary.

"James, Hen, this is Alexander Hamilton, my… friend." John said.

Alex nodded. "But you can call me Alex."

"Will do," James said as Henry Jr. replied with a "sure".

John then pointed at Hercules and said, "This is Hercules Mulligan, another one of my friends."

John turned towards Lafayette.

"And he's Mar— Gil— Mon— oh, just call him Lafayette. His name's too long."

"Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette, Marquis de Lafayette!" Lafayette announced, looking proud of himself.

"Er, yeah." John said.

"Pleasure to meet you all," James said, his voice hinting at a southern accent.

"But, anyways," John spoke up, "what're you guys doing here?"

"We're here to see you, dummy!" James exclaimed, looking a tad surprised.

"Oh," John said, his voice rather small. "But… but why just now? I mean, sure, it's Christmas, but all these years… not even an email…"

Henry Jr. hung his head. "John, I'm really sorry… it's just…"

"We've been really busy and… uh, kinda on the run." James mumbled.

"What? On the run? From whom?" John asked, sounding alarmed.

"Father," Henry Jr. said, shrugging. "He's looking for us."

"Oh," John said, sinking down into a chair.

Alex placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, and he saw Henry Jr.'s eyes flicker down, and then back to John's face again. Out of the corner of his eye, Alex saw Lafayette slip back into the kitchen.

John then shifted and Alex looked down. They shared a sweet smile, and John finally stood up after a long moment.

"Would you guys like some time alone?" Alex asked quietly.

John nodded, and Alex and Hercules exited the living room, joining Lafayette in the small kitchen.

* * *

"Do you know how long they're staying?" Lafayette inquired, pushing the tray of now seasoned potatoes in the oven with the turkey.

"No," Alex answered truthfully.

Hercules sighed. "If only Hugh made such an appearance."

"Hugh?" Alex questioned.

"My older brother," Hercules replied. "But, anyways, we were never really close."

They stayed in the kitchen, helping Lafayette with the Christmas dinner for a good hour or two until John softly asked Alex to join him outside.

* * *

Alex walked down the snowy lane with John, silence enveloping them. It wasn't long before John started to breaking down once more. Alex led him to a remotely dry spot under a tree, and John sobbed onto his shoulder.

"It's just… after almost t-ten years…" John cried, tears streaming down his face. "I-I can't believe… can't believe they're… they're actually _here_ …"

Alex murmured comforting nothings into John's hair until the curly-haired boy stopped sobbing, tear-tracks glistening on his cheeks. Alex wrapped John into a hug, and they shared each other's warmth until the sun started to dip towards the horizon.

* * *

John and Alex closed the door behind them as they entered the room. They found James, Henry Jr., Hercules, and Lafayette laughing together around the kitchen counter. They were chopping up fruits and stirring them together into one huge fruit salad. The smell of gingerbread was thick in the air.

After about an hour, the lights were dimmed to flickering candlelight, and all the food was laid out on the table.

"Dear Heavenly Father," Henry Jr. began, "We bow our heads as we honor your presence at this table. We will remember that Jesus is the reason for the season. We will celebrate the arrival of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords in a little stable in Bethlehem. We thank you for each family member — and friend — who has come to share this meal. We thank you for the delicious food that has been provided. Lord, help us find and enjoy _all_ of the blessings that you have placed in this Christmas day. Amen."

Alex was sitting next to John, and he looked up to catch his friend's eye. John winked at him with one bright hazel orb, and then echoed: "Amen."

Everyone else at the table followed pursuit.

* * *

"This is really good, Lafayette!" Alex exclaimed, swallowing a bite of turkey.

James nodded. "I know, it's practically _Heaven_ after living off of bread and tinned meats, months after months after months!"

Henry mumbled agreement, and the conversation started to rise. Soon, they were all talking as much as they could while shoveling down additional helpings of Lafayette's Christmas dinner.

Alex ate until he felt like bursting, and then slumped onto John's shoulder, his eyes half-closed lazily as he listened to the chatter.

"So," Henry Jr. was saying, "when John was little, like five or six, he would secretly lick the whole top of the cup whenever our mum or dad got sick, and they asked him to fetch them a glass of water. John thought they'd get better when they drink it because his healthy saliva was supposed to heal any sickness."

"What?" Lafayette giggled. "Okay, John, mon ami, I knew you were pretty stupid when you were little, but not _that_ stupid!"

"Hen!" John cried indignantly. "Don't tell these idiots _every_ dumb baby story of mine!"

"Well," Henry began, "there was also this one time—"

He was interrupted by a loud crash. James had fallen asleep right at the table, his face in his plate, sticky gravy smeared all along his cheek.

John laughed softly. "I guess it's time we all get to bed."

But Henry Jr. stood up, shaking his head. "Actually," he said, sounding regretful, "we need to get going."

"What? No!" John protested. "At _least_ stay the night!"

Henry turned his eyes to the floor. "We really need to go."

"Why?" John demanded.

"Well… I'll tell you later… maybe…"

"Hen, please, no…" John whispered, looking on the verge of tears.

"John… I'm really sorry. I mean, you'll always be my little brother..."

"H-Henry… p-please…"

Henry Jr. didn't meet John's eyes as he shook James awake. James started, took one look at Henry's face, and quickly stood up, wiping the smears of dinner from his face. As they walked out of the door, Henry threw one look of pure anguish over his shoulder before closing the door. John let out a sob and soon as they disappeared, fled to the bathroom and bolted himself inside.

No matter what they did, the remaining members couldn't coax John out. After about an hour, John slowly trudged out of the small bathroom, his eyes red and puffy. Alex stood up uncertainly, and John walked towards him, pressing his face into Alex's neck miserably.

After a few minutes, Hercules stood up and cleared his throat loudly.

"Now," he began, "before we go to bed, I'd like to give you guys your Christmas presents."

Hercules pulled out three packages and passed one to each person. Soon, the floor was littered with wrapping paper. Alex gaped at a beautiful leather coat, soft and thick.

"T-Thank you so much!" Alex stuttered.

John clutched a sweater with green turtles frolicking amongst the yarn, while Lafayette admired a pair of shiny, black boots. They echoed their thanks. John's eyes started to regain their sparkle.

"This is really beautiful, mon ami." Lafayette said appreciatively.

"Hercules… thank you so much," John whispered.

Then Alex, shyly, withdrew three letters from his vest pocket. He handed one to each of his friends.

"Don't open them now!" he cried, panicking a little as Hercules started fingering the top of the envelope.

"Okay, okay!" Hercules grumbled.

Alex caught John's eye and they smiled, slightly blushing. Then, John scurried away towards his bed, and pulled a few large objects out from under it. Alex and Lafayette exchanged quizzical glances.

Then, John was stepping hesitantly towards them, three large canvases tucked under-arm. Alex's breath caught into his throat as John handed him one of the tarpaulin-covered boards.

 _I don't deserve him._

It was beautiful. No, beyond beautiful. A portrait of Alex, sitting in what looked like Padoca, sipping coffee. Sunlight was streaming from the window behind him. Every detail was perfect, pristine, clear, and so full of _John_.

Lafayette was grasping a portrait of two small children and one adult, all with his toned, toffee-colored skin tone and thick, black hair. His eyes were glistening. Hercules was staring at a picture of a picturesque shop, and if Alex's eyes weren't deceiving him, its name read something like: "The Hercules Shop of Cool Ass Turtleneck Sweaters".

Alex placed his painting gently on the table, and strode to John, where he hugged his best friend so tightly, Alex almost saw stars. But John was hugging him back, trembling slightly. Alex's heart was thumping so loudly, he was worried that John's father, who was all the way back in South Carolina, could hear it.

Lafayette interrupted them with gifts of sheet music — that he composed himself — and homemade mince pies.

"This is beautiful," Hercules admired, fingering the thick paper. "You even remembered to write mine in bass clef!"

Lafayette rolled his eyes. "Idiot, you expect me to give you a baritone sax part in treble clef?"

"Er… no?" Hercules mumbled. The frenchman snickered.

"Thank you, Lafayette, I'll be sure to try this out!" John exclaimed.

"Yeah, thanks, Laf. I really appreciate it," Alex echoed.

An hour later, in bed, Alex stared up at the ceiling, his heart very full, eyelids heavy.

 _I never thought… not once… than when I moved here, I would make four great and amazing friends. I know they're better now than I will ever be, and I'm so lucky to have them. Especially John. I love them, all of them. Forever and ever and ever._

He closed his eyes and sleep swooped down over him, claiming him as suddenly as death.

* * *

 ***Breathe in* B-B-B-BOI! Ugh, this took me 4EVER to write, like three days, partially because I had writer's block, partially because I had no idea how to write this, partially because I have no time, and partially because it's so freaking long. Plus, I'm all alone here trying not to drown in my own tears. God, I miss everyone so much… I absolutely hate it when people totally walk out of your life without even saying good-bye. Anyways… loves for all.**


	23. Year's End

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

* * *

"You're having a WHAT?" Alex spluttered.

"A New-Year's party, Alexander! Not a big deal!" Lafayette pouted.

"Yes, a big deal!" Alex fumed. "No way I'm going!"

"Oh, please, mon ami, I'm forcing John to go too! There'll be drinks! And I'm inviting all our friends! Hercules, Adrienne, Martha, Aaron, Theodosia, Peg—"

"Okay, okay!" Alexander cut in, grumbling. "But I'll only go if John does."

Lafayette eyed him, seemingly intrigued. "So… let me get this straight, Alexander… you'll only go if your dearest friend _John_ goes to…?"

"Shut up, Laf! And I didn't call him my 'dearest friend'!" Alex blushed, feeling quite foolish and deeply regretting his blunder.

"Alright, fine!" Lafayette giggled, looking triumphant for some reason. "And you're going no matter what, even if John manages to make a _very_ convincing excuse and escapes us for the night! Ta ta!"

As Lafayette skipped out of the room, Alex groaned and buried his head in his arms. He picked up his phone with the intention to warn John, but found it dead.

 _Awesome, wow. Congratulations, me._

* * *

Alex fidgeted nervously, plucking at his sleeve. John was shifting uneasily besides him. It was New Year's Eve, about 10:00pm, and they were standing in the thick of Lafayette's party. Lafayette claimed that he hadn't invited more than twenty people personally, but it looked as if the whole freshman year of King's had shown up, crammed into the small-ish dorm room.

John seized Alex's wrist and dragged him into a secluded and, thankfully, empty corner.

"I'm fed up with all these lame-o's," John sighed, pointing to Lee and Seabury, who were making out in the middle of the floor, surrounded by a bunch of giggling onlookers.

Alex cringed. "I know, right?"

Just the, Hercules leapt up onto a table and screeched: "HEY, YO, LET'S TAKE THIS PARTY _OUTSIIIIIIIIIDE!_ "

Everyone (excluding John and Alex) whooped and made a mad dash towards the door, many scooping up alcohol bottles along the way. Lafayette caught John's eye and motioned them onwards. John huffed and trudged reluctantly towards the door. Alex sighed, following the receding horde of people who were making their way outside.

* * *

Alex caught up to John and grabbed his friend's hand. John looked over his shoulder with a sweet half-smile, and the two of them emerged onto the frosty front lawn. A wine bottle rolled towards them. Alex looked up to see Jefferson winking at him, dragging Madison along by the arm.

John was still looking at the bottle, eyebrows raised.

"Alex," he murmured, "have you ever had red wine before? Or any wine, as a matter of fact?"

"Um… no?" Alex said.

John blinked and grinned. "You simply _must_ try some!"

"Oh, John, I don't know… me and alcohol…" Alex mumbled.

" _Please?"_ John simpered. Alex took one look at John and stifled a laugh.

"Oh, how can I say no to that face?" Alex sighed, ruffling John's hair affectionately. "Okay, fine!"

John retrieved two red plastic cups, and he poured a little wine into each. Alex raised the glass to his lips and took a tentative sip. It was a bit like grape juice, but more sour and dry. Alex found that he actually relished it.

"It's surprisingly good! I actually think I like it!"

John nodded as he drained his cup. "I know, it's great!"

"Pour me another brew, son!" Alex laughed.

John grinned as he poured some more wine for himself and Alex.

"Raise a cup to the two of us!" he giggled.

"If we can find Laf and Herc, there'll be more of us!" Alex cried.

"And we'll be telling our story of tonight…" John said, his words slurring as the wine started taking effect.

"Let's find them, and have another round!" Alex exclaimed, grabbing John's hand again and forcing themselves through the crowd.

Soon, they found Lafayette and Hercules sitting in a large circle that mainly composed of their mutual friends, an empty liquor bottle laying on its side in the middle.

"Oh no," John said, "We should really get out of here."

Alex nodded agreement. It was the game of death… Spin the Bottle. Unfortunately for them, Martha spotted them and waved them forward. Alex and John had no choice but to scooch in next to her and Peggy.

"Hey, Peggs!" John laughed, hugging the smaller girl. "How ya doing?"

"Fine!" she giggled. "I'm drunk!"

Peggy hiccupped.

Just then, Martha reached for the bottle and spun it. Around and around and around it went, Alex's brain starting to fog up as he watched it spin… the bottle gave a little bounce and shuddered to a stop. The nozzle was pointing… straight at Eliza.

 _At_ Eliza! _What's she doing here?! Goddamnit!_

Martha let out a nervous laugh as the rest of the people in the circle jeered and cooed.

"Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!" they chanted.

Martha's eyes darted around nervously, but nevertheless, she crawled over to Eliza and planted a swift kiss on her cheek. Everyone cheered and clapped. Martha scrambled back into her place, face glowing bright as the setting sun.

The bottle was passed next to Theodosia, who luckily got Aaron. Their kiss was sweet and so full of love that all the girls sighed. Looking over, Alex thought that Hercules got a little teary-eyed.

Adrienne pecked Hercules on the cheek, Angelica got Lafayette, and Eliza kissed John (which was extremely awkward). Then, finally, the bottle was passed to Alex. He hesitatingly spun it, and he was praying to God for it not to be John or Eliza, not John or Eliza, not John or Eliza…

He opened his eyes. The bottle top was pointing towards Aaron.

 _Fuck. Oh well, I mean, I got what I wanted._

Alex, very awkwardly, got up and walked over to Aaron.

"I'm sorry," Alex said bluntly as he gave him an extremely platonic kiss on the cheek.

Aaron shrugged. "It's okay."

"Er… yeah." Alex said, trying not to shudder, as he made his way back over towards John.

John gave him an extremely drunken smile and offered him the wine bottle. Alex took a swig, and then John ran his sleeve over the top and did the same before taking his turn and spinning the bottle.

The nozzle came to a stop at Peggy, and John simply leaned to his right and placed a kiss on the top of her head. Alex sighed internally with relief.

 _At least it wasn't me._

After a few more rounds of Spin the Bottle, everyone was either too drunk to continue playing or had wandered off. John and Alex were drinking from the wine bottle, not ever bothering to wipe the top after the last one had used it.

John yawned and leaned back, Alex flopping down besides him. John drained the bottle and flung it aside, and the two of them gazed at the stars. Music was throbbing in the background, but Alex felt like he was floating in his own surreal world.

 _It's not that bad, being like this, but I would never want to be trapped this way twenty-four-seven. I'm fine with a sharp mind, but honestly, sometimes it can be tiring, always trying to be the best…_

"Alex?" John mumbled.

"Yes?" Alex sighed.

"Have you ever noticed how pretty the stars are?"

"Yes. I notice every night when I look up at the sky."

"Do you think someone could be sitting on one of those stars, looking at us, thinking the same thing?"

"Maybe," Alex slurred, forgetting in his drunken state that no human could ever step directly onto one of those gaseous masses.

They lapsed into a comfortable quiet before John sat up and offered Alex his hand.

"C'mon, you tomcat. Let's go do stuff."

Alex accepted John's hand and was nearly lifted off of his feet. John was still strong even after consuming half a bottle of red wine. They wandered all over the place, grabbing another bottle of wine, laughing and running and prancing around.

They didn't even notice when the sky started to cloud up a bit, and the moon winked one last time before a thick veil of clouds shrouded it from sight. Suddenly, a warm and sticky breeze stirred the back of Alex's hair.

"John, did you feel that?" Alex slurred.

John took a swig from the bottle and frowned. "What?"

"That… wind." Alex said.

"Y'mean that kinda warm-ish one that I just felt?"

"Yeah…"

"I felt it."

"D'you think spring's coming early?" Alex questioned.

John rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid! It's still December!"

Alex checked his watch. "Not for long…"

"Time?" John asked.

"Eleven-thirty-four."

"Thirty-ish minutes left of twenty-seventeen…" John said, sounding a bit awed.

"Twenty-six, to be exact." Alex corrected.

John rolled his eyes. "You loud-mouth bother!" he said jokingly, tugging at Alex's hair.

Alex felt a twinge somewhere as he remembered Eliza doing the same thing.

" _You're not one to speak!" she said cheekily, tugging at his ponytail. "I bet I could even french-braid that!"_

" _You wouldn't!" Alex said, slapping her hand away._

"Alex?" John asked. "Alex, are you with me?"

"Huh?" Alex said, startled, snapping back to reality.

"You kinda zoned out there for a sec…" John mumbled.

"Oh, sorry…" Alex apologized.

John grinned drunkenly at him. "Don't be sorry! S'kay!"

Alex smiled back. They stared into each other's eyes for what seemed eternity, until John leaned really close, his breath tickling Alex's ear.

"Wanna go back to my place?" he whispered.

"Yes…" Alex breathed back.

John grabbed Alex around the waist, and they stumbled through the crowd and back upstairs to John's room. Alex missed how Angelica and Eliza watched him like hawks.

They lurched into John's room and sat down on his bed, taking turns with the bottle and eventually draining it. Then, John plunked the bottle down on his nightstand and they started talking.

"Soooo…" John slurred. "I think those bottles we drank must be jealous, 'cause your beauty is the most intoxicating thing in this place."

"W-W-What?" Alex stuttered, going red in the face.

John just grinned.

"Johnny, was that a pick-up line?" Alex stammered.

John just shot him a flirtatious look. Alex slapped his hands to his brilliantly magenta face and curled up into a ball. He groaned over-dramatically, but his insides were sloshing around excitedly.

John sighed contentedly and leaned against Alex. "Want to hear a stupid joke I just remembered?" he snickered.

"Okay…" Alex mumbled.

"What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?" John giggled.

"Um… I don't know?" Alex stammered.

"Snowballs!" John shrieked.

Alex simply groaned and pulled John down onto the bed besides him. John laughed softly again before reaching around and wrapping his arms around Alex. Alex felt himself relax into John's touch. As they cuddled, Alex breathed in the familiar smells of John, something clean and fresh that he could never quite place. And, of course, his natural body scent.

Alex was so inexplicably drawn to John, the thought of being with Eliza, at that moment, was so repulsive he couldn't even breathe.

 _No. It's just the alcohol in my brain. Right? I like Eliza… I think..._

But then John turned to face Alex, his hazel eyes bright and clear even though they were both completely drunk. Alex felt something bloom in his chest. Then, for the first time, ne noticed a bowl filled with flowers and water next to the wine bottle.

"Flowers…?" Alex mumbled.

"Eh?" John muttered.

"Oh… nothing."

John hummed in response.

Suddenly, Alex's watch went off.

 _Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"Happy New Year!" John cried, pressing his forehead against Alex's, nuzzling him. Alex grinned, pulling John even closer and stroking the back of his neck. Alex felt John press his cheek onto Alex's own, and he sighed contentedly, his heart filling up.

After twenty minutes, Alex moved to bury his head deep into John's chest, and he felt John's hands start to rub in soothing circles on his back. As Alex felt the last of his tension drain away, he became aware of John. Like, _really_ aware.

It was if he wasn't drunk. Just something in his mind sharpened his surroundings, and suddenly, for the first time, he felt like he was _there._ He woke up. Suddenly, his whole life felt like a dream, something of the past, murky and somewhat of an illusion. And finally, he just… was _alive_. Like he had finally awoke from a long slumber. Alex tried to choke back his tears.

 _I love you, John. I'm awake. I'm alive. I love you._

John's heartbeat was slow and steady, and before long, Alex felt his eyelids beginning to droop. He nuzzled deeper into John's torso, and Alex felt John curl protectively around him.

There breathing started slowing together, heartbeats starting to fall in sync. Alex's eyes fluttered to a close, and he finally gave in to the fuzzy bliss of alcohol. Just before he dropped off, Alex thought he felt John plant a kiss on the top of his head. But it was so light, Alex was sure he was just imagining it. Sleep dragged him down into its murky depths.

* * *

 **I'm** **not** **sorry. *tries to aggressively dab but bursts out into tears and crawls into a corner instead* Anyways, I now have a YouTube channel... It's not much but I'd really appreciate it if you would check it out. _Link:_ channel/UCEMhS_TnDleAf4VyLFjRwVw (just to be sure, my name is aaRON nO). Lots of loves.**


	24. Hurricane

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

* * *

A clap of thunder tore through the still morning air. The rosy fingered-dawn crept into the sky behind the purple boil of angry storm clouds. Alex's eyes flew open.

 _The wild winds howled and moaned, and the small wooden shack trembled under the force of the gale. James cried and whimpered, Alex unsuccessfully stifling the wails of his terrified brother. Suddenly, with a horrible ripping and sucking noise, the roof of the house was torn off._

" _Alex!" James shrieked as the terrible torrents of wind blew the door open._

" _James!" Alex cried as the blusters sucked his younger brother out of the door. "NO!"_

 _Suddenly, a stroke of lightning was thrown from the stormy sky and Alex watched, horrified, as James's emaciated and bony body was illuminated, his eyes rolling up into the back of his head, his thin frame jerking and twitching, the long, horrible drawn-out scream of pure agony…_

 _And then the rain. Cold, icy, stinging, as it sizzled upon James's now lifeless body. The wind howled and ripped their sanity apart as it dragged James further and further away, but Alex didn't dare touch him; his brother's body still popping and sparking._

 _Alex could only watch, helpless, as a large truck flipped over, groaning and creaking. It slowly tipped over, and with a loud and sickening crunching noise, landed right on James. Alex shrieked, reaching his hand out in one last futile attempt._

 _That's when the metal beam swung out of nowhere, striking Alex's head. He was dead to everything while his whole world tore itself apart, surrounding him with the worst possible memories of his life._

* * *

Alex stumbled out of the bed, tripping over John. He landed with a loud thump on the floor as the rain beat its mighty fists upon the roof. He curled up into a ball and rocked himself, whimpering, lost and drowning in his past.

* * *

Something large hit the floor. John jolted awake, immediately noticing that Alex wasn't tucked into his embrace. He looked down and nearly had a heart attack.

"Oh my— _FUCKING_ GOD, ALEX WHAT HAPPENED?!"

Alex was on the floor, lying on his side, hunched over, and trembling in the fetal position, his eyes rolling wildly. His face bore bloody scratch marks and his knuckles were raw and red, laced with bite-marks. His hair was a rat's nest, skin pale and clammy.

"A-Alex?" John choked, on the verge of tears.

He knelt down next to Alex and placed a hand on his shoulder. Alex flinched away and shuddered, looking at John from wild eyes.

"Alex, it's me, John Laurens. Do you remember?" John said softly.

"James?" Alex whispered.

John frowned, slightly confused. "No," he continued, his voice still hushed. "It's John Laurens. We were at the New-Year's party yesterday, remember? You had red wine for the first time, and we played Spin-the-Bottle. We fell asleep together."

Alex only whimpered and clutched himself tighter. John's voice almost broke, but he kept on talking to Alex in a soothing tone of voice, talking about anything, everything, but mostly nonsense. After a while, Alex allowed John to softly stroke his hair.

John glanced at the clock. It was 8:00am.

"Hey, Alex," John said gently, "I'm going to the kitchen to get us some breakfast. I'll be back very soon. Do you think you'll be okay?"

Alex started trembling violently and shook his head vigorously.

"No-no-no-no-no-no-no—" he muttered, one eye twitching.

"Okay, okay, never mind!" John said, alarmed.

Alex only whimpered.

John scooched closer, laying on his side, and wrapped his arms around Alex. The frightened boy froze, his pupils dilated in confusion and terror. He turned slowly to look at John, starting to tremble all over again.

"Alex—" John began, fearfully.

"J-John?" Alex croaked.

"Alex?" John whispered.

"Don't let me d-die… alone..." Alex breathed before closing his eyes and sagging in apparent defeat.

"Alex?" John exclaimed, thoroughly alarmed. "Alex?!"

Alex had passed out.

John lifted him gently and tucked Alex into a bed. John stood up and stretched his joints. Then, he made his way over to the kitchen.

 _Let me pray to freaking Jesus Christ GOD that I don't burn this forsaken breakfast._

John managed to scramble eggs and not burn toast as he regularly checked upon Alex in frequent intervals.

After about two hours, Alex stirred, and John, sitting in a nearby chair, leapt over at once. Alex took one look at John and burst into tears, screaming the unimaginable and shaking, pointing fingers with a haunted look in his eyes.

"What do you mean he's not dead!" Alex screamed, "There's a fucking pile of smashed flesh and splintered bones under that truck! Look at the blood that had splattered the ground around him, he's dead! James is dead! My little brother is as dead as our mother!"

"Alex? Wha—?" John gasped.

"His very flesh seemed to sizzle off of him! I saw with my own eyes! Smelled the hair as is burnt right off his naked scalp! His eyes rolled so far backwards, all I could see was the endless white, shedding boiling tears, blood flying from that gaping mouth, and the scream it tore from his throat, the wet, horrible, gurgling scream—"

"Alex!" John cried, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "Alex, please!"

"And I wrote my first refrain, a testament to my pain: it seemed as if a total dissolution of nature was taking place. The roaring of the sea and wind, fiery meteors flying about it in the air, the prodigious glare of almost perpetual lightning, the crash of the falling houses, and the ear-piercing shrieks of the distressed, were sufficient to strike astonishment into Angels.

"A great part of the buildings throughout the Island are levelled to the ground, almost all the rest very much shattered; several persons killed and numbers utterly ruined; whole families running about the streets, unknowing where to find a place of shelter; the sick exposed to the keenness of water and air without a bed to lie upon, or a dry covering to their bodies; and our harbours entirely bare.

"In a word, misery, in all its most hideous shapes, spread over the whole face of the country. Anything as far as the eye could see was dead or destroyed; many bodies that washed up on shore were in various stages of decomposition."

"Alex…" John breathed, finally falling to his knees. It was if the words had taken a knife, twisting it into his heart, deeper and deeper it pushed. John's feelings bled to the ground, choking him, strangling him, killing him…

* * *

As soon as Alex saw John fall to the ground, clutching at his throat, something went off inside of him. Alex felt himself totally unhinge, screaming and kicking and thrashing as the rain pelted the building relentlessly, thunder shaking the Earth with its crashing booms.

"N-N-Nooo," he moaned, sliding down onto the floor. "Noooooo…"

Alex crawled over to John, whose eyes were squeezed shut, tears flowing endlessly down his face, fingers twitching as they closed around his throat...

With a strangled scream, Alex grabbed John's hands and yanked them away from his friend's neck.

"No! I will not let another die!" Alex sobbed.

John, without hesitation, flung his arms around Alex, smothering him with warmth. The two of them cried their eyes out, pressing into each other, John running his hands through Alex's hair as they sobbed, falling together onto the ground. They curled around each other, holding the other as their sobs dried away.

"Every day stretches for an eternity…" Alex whispered.

"As long as you're with me, I wouldn't mind," John murmured back, cradling the frailer boy in his arms.

Alex sniffed and laid his head on John's shoulder, looking up at him through tear-stained lashes. Alex gazed into the eyes of the person he loved most, the person he trusted with his life, the person who would always be there for him.

"John…" Alex moaned, reaching out to wrap his arms around the other's neck, pulling himself closer to the beating heart. And John leaned over.

* * *

John breathed in Alex's vanilla-y scent, mingled with sweat, as Alex's hair brushed against his cheek. John's breath caught in his throat as he looked at Alex, seeming so small at the moment. His heart seemed to jump into his throat, beating and beating as it pounded against his vocal chords, eliminating all conversation.

John just couldn't. Couldn't do nothing. Blood roared in his ears, his head pounding, as he slowly leaned towards Alex's head, fingers tightening in his beloved's shirt. John brushed his lips on Alex's forehead before pressing them to the pale skin.

The world held its breath. Everything melted away, the storm, John's fears and insecurities, their ragged and lamented breathing. He was aware of nothing except for his lips, his goddamn lips, his heart, and Alex. Oh GOD, Alex.

* * *

Alex stopped breathing. Where John's lips touched his skin burned like fire. Its scorching flames licked all down Alex's body, wreathing his heart and turning his insides into a flaming inferno.

John freaking Laurens was kissing him. On the forehead, but not that it mattered.

 _JOHN FREAKING LAURENS IS KISSING ME. JOHN FREAKING LAURENS IS FREAKING KISSING ME! FUCKITY-FUCK-FUCK HOLY SHIT GODDAMNIT—_

Alex whimpered and pressed himself tighter into John, never breaking the embrace. They laid together, on the carpet, ignoring the knocks coming from the door, and John's phone when it buzzed.

Nothing mattered except for John. As long as John was there, nothing could hurt Alex. They fell asleep together, just there, as the storm raged outside.

* * *

 _No nightmares._

That was Alex's first waking thought.

 _No nightmares last night. Not a single one. I didn't even dream._

Alex shifted his position so that he could stare into John's face, peacefully sleeping, mouth partially open. He looked like an angel.

"John," Alex said, shaking John awake.

It might have been selfish, but there was no way Alex could survive on his own. The storm was still raging outside.

John blinked his eyes open, and focused on Alex's face. He smiled sweetly and ruffled Alex's hair.

"So, sleeping beauty, how was your beauty rest?" John whispered.

"F-Fine…" Alex murmured.

"C'mon, let's get up. You've had nothing to eat yesterday, and I want to knock some food in you. At least water." John said, standing up.

With John's help, Alex was able to lurch unsteadily to his feet. He was led like a small child over to the kitchen, where he drank five cups of water and wolfed down half a loaf of bread and cold turkey.

After finishing, John brewed a strong pot of black coffee, where they drank, once again, from tea mugs. It was just like the first time they met, Alex returning John's sketch pad, teasing and joking about band and dumb cheerleaders…

God, that seemed a million years ago.

They spent the rest of the day cuddling on John's couch and watching Netflix, snacking on junk and whatever they could get their hands on.

"We seriously depleted the fridge," John sighed. "I'll have to go grocery shopping soon."

"I'll go with." Alex offered, clicking on the next episode of _Fullmetal Alchemist._

"Aw, thanks, Alex. I really appreciate that. Maybe this time, shopping'll be kinda fun!" John giggled.

"Mhm," Alex hummed, adjusting the volume as the theme song started to blare.

 _Even though I must've pursued_

 _the next part of my dream_

 _On a narrow, winding road_

 _I trip over other people_

 _It's not that I want to return to_

 _how it was like back then_

 _I'm searching_

 _for the sky that I've lost_

 _I hope that you'll understand me_

 _Stop making that sad face_

 _like you've been sacrificed_

 _There aren't tears at the end of sins_

 _I've painfully bore them all this time_

 _In the labyrinth of emotions where I can't see the exit_

 _Who am I waiting for?_

 _As if having written it in a white notebook_

 _I want to divulge myself more honestly_

 _What do I want to flee from?_

… _Something known as reality?_

 _So that I can fulfill it_

 _I'm alive_

Alex looked at John, eyes half-closed, listening lazily to the music.

 _I'm alive. All thanks to John. If I was all by myself, what would I have done? Would I have done something even worse than last time? Oh, but that time, I—_

"No." Alex said out loud.

"Huh?" John said, startled.

"I'm not living in the past!" Alex declared.

John gave him a little squeeze. "Good thing. I'd rather have present Alex than past Alex. Never leave me. Promise."

"I promise," Alex vowed. "I will never abandon you. I will never forget."

* * *

 ***Tries to smile as she watches the rain beat against the window outside, but fails miserably.* "Oh well," she whispered, "look around, look around, at how lucky I am to be alive right now… with my poor crushed heart..." I was reading angsty Lams fanfics until late at night and now my poor heart is dead. I am a smart person.**


	25. Cold Beaches

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

* * *

"Alex, are you sure you're going to be okay?" John asked, a small frown creasing his face.

"Yeah…" Alex muttered, dismounting the motorcycle and walking unsteadily towards his dorm room.

John quickly ran up to Alex and took his arm.

"Let me help you," he murmured.

Alex sagged with relief, and leaned a little on John as they limped towards his apartment room. Alex unlocked the door and John pushed it open. The freckled boy stared, wide-eyed, as he surveyed the apartment.

"You live _here?!_ " John gasped.

Alex blushed, nodding. The small and dingy apartment looked horrible and forlorn next to the dorm rooms where he had been staying the past weeks.

"Hell naw." John said. "You're not going to stay another day in… _there_... especially while you're like… this."

"Where can I go, then?" Alex whined. "I can't afford anyplace else!"

"You're going to move in with me," John decided.

"What?" Alex spluttered. "N-No, John, it's okay, really!"

John grabbed Alex's shoulders and spun him around. "No, I insist. You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not!" John announced with an air of finality.

"John, really. Don't do this. I'm fine on my own!" Alex argued.

"No you're not," John countered. "You can barely even walk by yourself!"

"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, thank you very much! I don't need a nanny!" Alex snapped.

John looked at him softly. "Alex, stop lying. Move in with me, please."

"Oh… John, you don't have to… please don't..." Alex whispered, despite the fluttery feelings rising in his chest.

Then John took a step back, hurt clear and shining in his eyes. Alex blinked, confused, before smacking himself on the forehead with his hand.

"Fuck it, John, of course I want to move in with you! Don't listen to me, that was stupid, what I said!" Alex exclaimed, babbling a little.

John shook his head and flashed Alex a smile, but it was tight and sad. Then he took a deep breath and stepped forward, giving Alex a little squeeze. The two smiled at each other, but John's was forced and Alex's small.

"Well, in that case, let's move your stuff into my place." John said.

"Yes," Alex agreed.

* * *

John kicked open the door and gently placed Alex's bassoon case on a chair. He then made a second trip to hook his Christmas present on the wall over Alex's bed frame. Alex set down his computer bag next to his book bag. That was all he had. But what did he expect? Alex was dirt-poor. Scratch that, Alex _is_ dirt-poor.

"Say we find Hercules and Lafayette?" John prompted.

"Oh— yes."

John swept Alexander out the door and shut it with a snap. Then they set off down the hall, silence slithering in between them like a venomous snake.

John twisted open the knob to Laf's and Herc's dorm room. He pushed the door open and a wondrous sight met them. Lafayette and Hercules evidently decided to build a blanket fort, and they were fast asleep inside, curled up around each other.

"How cute…" John breathed, taking out his phone and snapping a quick picture.

"Send it to me?" Alex asked.

"Sure," John replied, his voice falling a little flat.

There was a pause and then John quietly backed out and closed the door gently. Alex watched John walk up the hall, and then pass his — and now Alex's — room.

"John?" Alex questioned. "Where're you going?"

John started and then turned around. "Oh… somewhere."

"When are you coming back?" Alex asked.

"I don't know."

John turned back around and slipped out of sight as he walked lightly down the stairs. Alex walked into their room and plopped down on his bed, burying his face in his hands.

 _What did I do wrong this time?_

* * *

John pushed his way blindly outside. It just wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. It's just not fair.

 _Why does he keep on showing me mixed signals? What's wrong with him? He lets me hold him and kiss him, but he fights and almost flat-out refuses to move in with me! He hurts me on so many different levels so many different times! God I wish I knew what was going on in his top-notch brain! I wish I held the key to unlocking him!_

John squeezed his eyes shut and sucked in the cold January air. He started walking. He was walking. He would be walking.

John wandered over to East Meadow Park, the very same one where he had seen Eliza and Alexander in… what was it? October? November? September? God, that was a million years ago.

He slumped under his cherry tree and closed his eyes, hugging his knees into his chest and dropping his head down. John felt the chilly breeze flutter around him, stinging his fingertips.

The swish of shoes over grass caught his attention, and John looked up. Aaron was staring at him.

"John… are you okay?" he asked, settling down next to his friend.

"Yes," John mumbled, looking away. He felt like crap.

"You're not," Aaron murmured. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," John insisted.

"Is it Alex?" Aaron asked.

"N-No!" John stuttered, caught off-guard.

"You look lovesick," Aaron whispered.

John turned his head back towards Aaron. He sighed and ruffled his curls.

"Maybe I am," John muttered.

"Spill." Aaron instructed, scooching over to sit in front of John.

John looked up into Aaron's gentle black eyes and sighed.

"I really like Alex…" John confessed. "But I don't know if he likes me back—"

Aaron snorted, cutting John off.

"Look, John, Alex has it bad for you. That, I can guarantee."

"No," John countered, "he mig— probably doesn't feel the same way about me. Earlier today, I offered for him to room with me. He practically fought tooth and nail to stay independent. He doesn't want to be around me at all…"

"He moved in though, at the end, right?" Aaron asked.

"Well, yes."

"There you go!" Aaron said.

"No," John protested, "he just felt bad about me being all alone and lonely… so he decided to 'quote-on-quote': 'fuck it' and move in with me... I think…"

Aaron smirked. " _Suuuure…"_

"S-Shut up, Burr!" John said, flushing.

"Go talk to him," Aaron said. "You should tell him about your feelings."

"Absolutely-fucking-not." John said.

"Why?" Aaron sighed. "What's the worst that could happen?"

John paused for a moment. "Alex hating me forever and ever, and then die hating me."

"He wouldn't hate you for liking him," Aaron reasoned.

"How do you know?" John snapped.

Aaron looked him dead in the eye. "Would he?"

John paused again before sagging in defeat. He knew Alex so well that he was sure of the answer.

"No."

Aaron smiled and squeezed John's arm, getting to his feet. "I'm actually supposed to be looking for Jefferson's stray dog. It ran off somewhere around here. Me and James are searching for it."

"Oh," John said.

"Well, see you tomorrow? Y'know, the first day back from Winter Break?" Aaron said, hesitating a little.

"See you," John mumbled and Aaron jogged away.

Still, it was a while before John got to his feet and finally made his way back to the dorm room, where he knew that he would have to face Alex.

* * *

"Alexander Hamilton!"

Alex turned around to face a furious and sad-looking Eliza. She was advancing towards him, waving her pale blue phone around, her eyes smoldering. Alex swallowed nervously.

"Eliza…?" he tried.

"Tell me what you see!" she demanded, thrusting her phone into his face.

Alex took it with trembling hands and saw that she had opened it to their chat room. He counted at least fifty messages on her part. Fifty unread messages on his part.

"Damnit, Eliza, I'm so sorry!" Alex exclaimed.

"You'd better be!" she snapped. "Do you have an explanation for that crap?"

"Yes, I do, actually," Alex said, "I was, um, staying at John's for Winter Break, and I left my phone charger at my place. I just never really remembered to go and get it, I mean, I rarely use my phone anyways…"

Eliza glared at him, jealousy flashing in her eyes, which was poorly disguised. Alex cringed, remembering that he shouldn't mention John to her under any circumstances; vise-versa.

"Eliza…" Alex began.

"Alex, I was so fucking worried! This is the second time! Stop doing that!"

"Eliza, I'm sorry!" Alex pleaded. "You have to believe me!"

Eliza sighed and shook her head. "Alexander…"

"Eliza, _please._ This won't happen again!"

"Do you have any idea of what I felt like? I was so scared for you at first, I thought something was wrong, 'y know? But then, after, I started feeling all sad, and I was like: 'Does he not like me anymore? Is he ignoring me?' And then I was like: 'Screw him! I don't need him as a friend!"

"Eliza, please, you have to re-trust me, I promise I won't fail this time; promise that I'll make you proud!"

"I have a band concert next week Tuesday," Eliza announced abruptly. "D' you want to come?"

Alex smiled and took her face with both of his hands. "My dearest Eliza," he said softly, "of course I would love to see you play."

Eliza smiled and clasped her hands over his. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

Alex engulfed her small yet sturdy frame into a hug.

"I-I've missed you, Liz," he admitted, not realizing that it was true until then.

There was a sweet pause before Eliza sighed, pressing herself closer into Alex.

"I've missed you too."

* * *

"Why the fuck are we here again?" Hercules muttered.

"Because it's a beautiful day in New York City and no one's at the beach!" John exclaimed, romping around on the ice-cold sand.

Alex looked up at the sky. It was full of pale gray clouds, barely a patch of blue in sight. The sand was gritty and frozen, a layer of frost coating everything.

"John," Lafayette said, "I doubt there's any turtles here in this type of weather, let alone in January, mon pauvre garçon."

"I know," John said. "Now, who wants to come down to the water with me?!"

Hercules and Lafayette glanced at each other and grimaced. Alex looked away. John had been acting strangely these past few days, with his fake happiness and forced smiles. He was trying too hard to be cheerful, and that bothered Alex.

"Alex?" John turned to him, hope simmering in his eyes.

Alex took a pace back, and felt ice form in his chest when John's eyes darkened and glanced away. Alex closed his eyes and thought again of Eliza. A pang resonated deep inside his chest. He hadn't had the chance to get her alone again after Monday, and thought of her nearly every waking second.

 _I miss you, Eliza. I'm so sorry. I'm sabotaging our friendship. I miss you. I want to see your face._

"Alex!" someone hissed, jerking him from out of his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Alex!" Lafayette repeated, tugging at his friend's sleeve. "Down! Now! Here!"

Alex flopped down next to Lafayette next to a sand dune.

"What?" Alex complained.

"Ssssh!" Lafayette shushed him. He pointed to something off into the distance. "Look!"

Alex squinted and pushed his glasses further up his nose. Two figures, one dressed in yellow, another in red, were leaning in towards each other. Alex's jaw dropped.

"Holy fuck, is that—"

"PEGGS! MARIA!" John screamed. "CONGRATULATIONS!"

Peggy and Maria jerked backwards in surprise, their kiss broken by John's gleeful outburst.

"John!" Peggy's exasperated wail floated over to them through the cold and salty air. "Have you been watching the whole time?!"

"Yea!" John hollered back.

"Fuck you! I'm never talking to you again!" Peggy shrieked, grabbing Maria's hand. The two of them took, off, giggling and running along the wet sand, waves lapping at their toes.

John chuckled and clapped his hands, looking very pleased with himself. Something stirred inside of Alex, and he glanced at Hercules and Lafayette for confirmation.

It was the first time in the past few days that John had sounded truly happy, laughter pure and not forced.

 _Maybe he'll be okay. Maybe I'll be okay._

Alex smiled at John and caught his eye for the first time in a while. John squeaked in surprise and tumbled down. Lafayette and Hercules snickered.

"S-Shut up, you pricks!" John stammered, blushing.

"No," Hercules said.

"You two are so madly in lo-ove!" Lafayette sang, sticking his tongue out and crossing his arms playfully.

"What? No!" Alex cried as John laughed nervously and exclaimed: "In your dreams!"

Lafayette and Hercules exchanged a not-so-subtle glance and smirk.

"Do I need to remind y'all about who cuddled and fell asleep under a blanket fort in their own dorm room?" John sickered.

"Wha—?!" Lafayette spluttered.

"How the fuck did you find out about that?!" Hercules said in idnigation.

"Ahh, you don't even deny it, Herc!" John said, grinning broadly.

"... Fuck you," Hercules grumbled.

"How did you even find out about that, vous intelligent espions?" Lafayette demanded.

"Magic," John said while Alex nodded.

"Magic," Alex echoed, whispering.

* * *

 **OKAY EVERYONE LISTEN UP. THERE IS A VERY AWESOME PERSON CALLED IJustCameHereToComment! She's so awesomely awesome in her awesomeness! She's so awesome, she makes awesome people look… um… less awesome! Tbh, she's actually really awesome, guys. You NEED to check her out, her Ham one-shots are so good! I really like her fic: "Best Friends, Lovers, and Roomates"... IT'S SO GOOD! *screams* Idk. Writer's block sucks. And school. SCHOOL. I IMAGINE DEATH SO MUCH IT FEELS MORE LIKE A MEMORY. This chapter sucks but I'm tired and cranky so RIP my life. Yay. Anyways, thanks for reading this! *blows a kiss and skips away***


	26. Author's Note

Hey, yo, I'm not dead! I haven't been posting because of stupid school *growls* and I really just am running out of time to do leisurely things such as writing and drawing and breathing. I just have so much work to do! I'll try to get more stuff up but I'm pretty dead right now and super uninspired. I desire nothing more than to ace my next exams. So... I have no idea when I'll be posting, but I haven't abandoned this fat story! Yet! Er, I really don't know what to say other than: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY STORY! *Screech* Without you guys, I'm nothing. I really appreciate all of the time you guys spent reading this story, and time is something you just can't really get more of. Once it's gone, it's gone. You guys are seriously awesome, I love you all! I can't believe this story has over 5000 views! That's amazing! When I first wrote it I thought no one would bother to read it because it sounded so cliche and dull. Once more, thank you so much! Keep on fighting in the meantime!

From: Your average Hamilton-obsessed stressed fourteen-year-old basic teenager with no life


	27. Dumpster Diving

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

* * *

Alex woke up suddenly. As his eyes focused and lost their sleepiness, he became aware of something hovering in midair, very close to his face. A pair of bright hazel eyes stared at him beseechingly.

"Gah!" Alex exclaimed, pushing John off himself. "John!"

"Happy birthday, Alex!" John screeched from the floor.

"Er… thanks?" Alex laughed.

"I have a present for you!" John giggled.

"Eh?" Alex blushed. "Oh, you didn't have to…"

John leaped to his feet. "Hang on, let me get it!"

"Oh, John." Alex breathed.

John whisked out of sight. Something orange and small streaked into the room a few seconds later.

"What the—" Alex gasped.

"Surprise!" John cried out as the orange tabby gave a great flying leap and landed on Alex's lap.

"I-It's you!" Alex exclaimed as the handsome tom purred and rubbed his muzzle on Alex's chest.

John grinned, reaching into the turtle tank to stroke Alexis. The orange cat meowed loudly and blinked his dark hazel eyes adoringly.

"He's grown!" Alex exclaimed. "Did you know that I… him and me…?"

John gave a faint smile. "Martha told me that you seemed to have a special connection to him… when you and Eliza visited it… and she said that Eliza was there earlier. She had already secured a discount and paid the remaining price. All I did was finalize the bill, really."

Alex bit his lip and stroked the cat, trying to think of something to lessen the awkward moment.

"Um… tell Martha 'thanks' for me, if you see her first…?" Alex tried.

He looked up, and to his relief, John was smiling widely, and it appeared to be real. Alex blushed because John looked extremely cute, with his messy curls flying everywhere and hazel eyes gleaming.

"Sure, Alex. Love to."

"Anyways," Alex said, changing the subject hurriedly. "I'm going to name my cat… Philip."

John smiled. "That's a nice name. It suits him!" He got up and scooched next to Alex on the bed. Alex wrapped his arms around John and gave him a squeeze. John purred, not unlike the cat.

"Thank you so much. You're the _bestest_ friend ever." Alex whispered into John's tangled mass of hair.

"Oh, I know," John said lightly, his voice strangely sounding a little strained.

Alex leaned back, a little bit concerned, and tried to peer into John's eyes. The freckled boy looked away quickly, but Alex managed to pick up a trace of sadness in them.

 _What's gotten into John?_

* * *

"Hercules," Lafayette said, exasperated, as he shook the larger of the two awake.

"Hercules, it's been almost twenty minutes! You have had plenty of time to get up! You need se dépêcher!"

"Unnnngh, Laf, go away!" Hercules moaned, pushing the slighter man lightly.

"Hercules!" Lafayette exclaimed, "Alex is nineteen years old today!"

"Wha- oh!"

Hercules was suddenly wide awake, a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"Damn, I almost forgot! I had something special planned for Alex's birthday today!"

"Oooh, what is it?" Lafayette cooed.

Hercules laughed and blushed. "None of yo business, Laffy. I'll tell y'all together."

Lafayette groaned. "Then hurry up, you ass! We gotta go, gotta get the job done!"

"Okay, okay!" Hercules laughed, swatting at Lafayette playfully.

 _"Allez,_ allez _,_ allez!"

* * *

"ALEXANDER!"

Alex whipped around, startled, and then relaxed when he saw who is was. Hercules strode into the room and gave Alexander a hearty clap on the back.

Alex almost tipped forward from the force behind the large man's arm but righted himself in the nick of time.

"Careful, mon ami, you almost had a spill!" Lafayette laughed.

"Er- yeah."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FAM!" Hercules bellowed, clapping his hands together. "As a celebrational treat, I have decided to teach y'all the ways of Dumpster Diving."

"Dumpster Diving?!" Alex burst out.

"The hell? No way!" John exclaimed.

"Oh, yes way, mon ami! I think it's a great idea!" Lafayette giggled. He batted his eyelashes at Hercules, who blushed and ducked his head.

"Nuh-uh. You ain't gonna get me out the door." Alex said, crossing his arms.

Hercules shrugged. "We'll see 'bout that."

He scooped Alex up easily with one arm and flung him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and started walking towards the door. Alex screamed.

"JOHN, DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"Aaaaaalex!" John howled, sprinting after Hercules. "I'm coming for yooooooooou!"

Lafayette chucked to himself as he locked John's door behind him. He walked after his three friends, whistling, and twirling Hercules's truck keys around his finger.

* * *

"Okay. So," Hercules began. They were standing behind a Super Target, Alex a little sulky. A large black dumpster stood in front of them, emitting a sickening odor. There was some evil-looking black slime around the edges and something that looked suspiciously like raw and decaying meat underneath one of the wheels.  
"Uh," John complained, cutting in. "Do we really have to do this?"

"Yes." Hercules snapped. "Shut up and let me explain."

John huffed.

"So," Hercules started, "First what you wanna do is take off your shoes. I have lost a many a shoe to the dumpster. Well, go on!"

John and Alex grumbled as they peeled off their sneakers, but Lafayette looked pretty excited as he daintily slipped off his designer boots. Once Hercules had kicked off his shoes, he proceeded with the directions.

"Okay, so I'm going to need to give all you people a boost up, and when it's my turn, I'll jump and you'll grab me and pull me up. Make sure you grab ahold of me as soon as you can and use my momentum combined with your strength to pull me up and over the rim. Okay? LET'S GO!"

"Wha-? Noooo!" John cried as Hercules picked him up and swung him into the bin. "THIS WASN'T IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION!" John shrieked as he flew through the air.

"You're next, Alex!" Lafayette said.

"Um. Wait, I'm sure-"

Hercules picked up the immigrant orphan and tossed him up next to John.

"Yo," John said, a bit of pasty orange something plastered to his chin. "Sup?" Alex landed with a soft thud next to him.  
"Nothing much."

Lafayette flopped down next to them, and they (with much difficulty) hauled Hercules into the dumpster. He landed face-first with a sickening splat into the bags.

"Karma," John whispered.

"Now," Hercules said once he'd rightened himself, "we feast!" He dove back into the bags. The three remaining boys exchanged glances and then shrugged, diving in after Hercules.

* * *

Alex shuddered, sitting in the back of Hercules's truck. His hair was even more oily than it usually was, and he was covered from head to toe in decaying organic matter. He smelled just like manure. Next to him, John was shivering, but not with cold. Lafayette and Hercules were laughing and singing along to the radio, oblivious to John's and Alex's discomfort.

Alex saw John begin to nod off from the corner of his eye. He slipped his hand into his pocket and fingered the grimy pink plastic ring that John had given him.

* * *

After their fourth dive, John had popped up, his face ablaze with mischief.

"Look what I found~!" He sang, waving the dirty ring before them. "Total score!"

"Yeah," Alex repeated under his breath sarcastically. "Total score."

"Oooh, Alex, did you say something?" John asked.

"Err… no…?" Alex said, meekly.

"I think Alex is jealous of John's ring!" Lafayette piped up from behind them.

Alex blushed and turned around. "Shut up!"

"Awe!" The boys cooed.

"Don't worry, Alex," John said, "You can have my ring! I don't mind. I'll find another!"

"J-John!" Alex spluttered as John slipped the ring onto Alex's finger. "Really, I-I-!"

"Oooh, someone embarrassed!" Hercules hooted.

"Guys!" Alex exclaimed as his friends roared with laughter.

That was when security finally caught them and ushered them away. They were asked to not come back.

* * *

Now Alex fingered the ring as he gazed shyly into John's peacefully sleeping face. What he wouldn't give to lean over and kiss every freckle on John's beautiful face…

* * *

The next few days were a blur. Alex had stashed the ring away in his drawer for safekeeping. No way he was every going to lose it. He never looked at the ring or touched it from then on out, but he thought about it quite often. It would only be three years later when he took it out for the first and last time.

On the fourth day, John came up with an ingenious plan. It was a very well thought out and totally not spontaneously constructed in less than a second's thought.

"Dudes," John said, one hand digging around in the chip bowl. "Let's trash Jefferson's place."

Alex and Hercules grunted in agreement, but Lafayette bit his lip.

"John…"

"Lafayette, I know he was your childhood 'BFF' for a long time, but you guys are over, and you have to admit it, he's a really big prick."

"I don't know." Lafayette still looked doubtful.

John sighed. "Okay, you don't have to go if you really don't want to. It's fine, my man."

Lafayette bit his lip and looked at Hercules.

"PUssY!" Hercules said.

"Herc!" Lafayette groaned. "I am not a 'pussy'!"

"Yea you are, mate!" Alex said, thumping Lafayette on the back. "It's okay though, we like you for who you are, even if you are a-"

"PUSSY!" Hercules bellowed.

"Yeah," Alex said, giving Hercules a mastered side-eye.

Lafayette sighed. "Okay, okay. I'm a pussy. I'm the slang term for a cat. I'm a scaredy-cat. I'm a chicken. I'm a wimp."

"Right-o," Hercules said teasingly, smothering the Frenchman in a hug.

"H-Herc!" Lafayette exclaimed, blushing. "Go away, you great lump!"

"'K."

John suddenly stood up, a wildfire blazing in his eyes. "Okay, are y'all ready to go?"

"YEET!" Hercules and Alex screamed, leaping to their feet as well.

"LET'S GO PICK UP T.P. FROM VONS!" John screeched, flying out the door like some odd large, grounded, and freckled bird.

Alex and Hercules followed. Lafayette stayed.

* * *

 **Hello, darkness my old friend. I'm so sorry for being dead for like three months, but like I said, school has arrived. My school operates by the four-by-four schedule, and for those brave souls who also have the same schedule as I do, (bless your hearts) you know how busy it is. I'm really sorry, I'm trying the best I can to write these, but I've only finished this one because it's fall break right now. Maybe expect one more chapter this week and then not another one until winter break (five weeks from now). The main problem is not that I have no free time (though I really don't have a lot of that in the first place…) it's just that I don't really feel like writing anymore. I'm really just so done with this fanfic already. I think it's boring and pointless and getting nowhere. I really don't enjoy writing anymore, and I'm constantly tired and cranky. Anyways, see you guys soon, and I love all of you. Every single one. :) Oh, and I didn't bother to proof-read this chapter so love all my mistakes. Cherish them.**


	28. Lafayette's Lament

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

* * *

Lafayette watched the door shut. He let his smile slide from his face as he slowly wilted, turning his face from the door. He didn't want any of this to happen. Little did John and Alex know, he was in a sticky spot with Hercules at the moment. But they seemed to have managed to pass everything off as if everything was normal between them… John and Alex hadn't detected any subtle changes in their interactions.

Hercules was jealous. That's all there was to it. He was jealous of Adrienne, which was ridiculous of course, she was simply a friend! Only a friend, that's what Lafayette had told her as they sat under the stars together. Only a friend.

" _Only a friend? Oh, come on, Gilbert! That's all you think of me?"_

She has been a little outraged, a little hurt. But he was firm. He had only eyes for Hercules. He only would ever love Hercules.

Yes, Hercules was nothing special, really. He wasn't the most handsome man on the face of the earth, he wasn't the smartest or the fastest or the most kind or any of that. He wasn't the most anything. But he was him. Lafayette didn't even know _why_ he liked Hercules. He just did. That seemed to worry him.

He's had a few people confess to him, yes, Thomas had a few months ago, swooning over small James.

" _I like him," Thomas had said, "because he's so different from what I'm used to. He's calm, gentle, delicate, and very sensitive towards my feelings. He always needs to make sure I'm okay, needs to know if anything's wrong. He's so gentle, he wouldn't hurt a fly. I like him, Gil, I really do."_

Even before that was Peggy, who was gushing over Maria.

" _She's beautiful," Peggy whispered, blushing, "and when she laughs, it's as if my whole world lights up. She's so smart too; sometimes she scares me with her knowledge of physics and chemistry. She's got it all… brains, brawn, and beauty. One complete package. How could I not fall for her?"_

And the first one to ever confess, good old Hercules himself.

" _Hey, Laf?" Hercules said._

" _Yeah?" Lafayette hummed, looking up from his magazine._

" _Can I tell you something?"_

" _Fire away, Herc," Lafayette purred._

" _I think I might like someone," Hercules blurted out._

 _Lafayette froze, barely breathing, wondering if the fantasy he'd always dreamed about was about to come true right in front of him._

" _Okay," Lafayette said carefully, "who do you like? If-if you're okay with telling me…"_

 _Hercules shrunk under Lafayette's gaze, blushing furiously. He opened his mouth, and Lafayette mentally gripped himself._

" _I think I might like… might like Aaron…"_

" _BURR?!" Lafayette burst out wildly; the only was he knew how to deal with his confusion and disappointment in that moment was to yell. "Why do you like BURR?! What's-what's so special about HIM?!"_

" _He's kind and gentle," Hercules defended himself, glaring heatedly at Lafayette, "and he helps me with homework, unlike you, you great prick."_

" _I could help you!" Lafayette snapped, "if only you had asked me!"_

" _Yeah, you would help me, and I would fail. No offense, but what the hell do you_ actually _know about English, Lafayette? I mean, sure you can speak it just fine, but can you paint a vivid picture with words? Or turn people's one-track minds with a few simple sentences? Or write a five-page essay beautifully within only two hours? Or help a stupid Irish kid learn how to write a decent claim to a boring and difficult topic? You know what the answer is!" Hercules spat._

" _The answer is-" Lafayette began._

" _-No, no, no, and no!" Hercules finished, glaring at his friend._

 _They stared in awe at each other for a few seconds._

" _So that's it," Lafayette said._

 _Hercules sighed. "Yeah. I like Aaron Burr. The small, annoying one. The gifted one. The kind one. The special one."_

 _Lafayette dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry for lashing out like that."_

" _It's only natural," Hercules mumbled. I feel protective of you guys… you and John, my dearest friends as well. It's natural. Only natural."_

" _A friend," Lafayette whispered._ Is that what he thinks of me? Only as a friend. Oh, I should have known. I shouldn't have kidded myself otherwise, convincing myself that there were signs that he liked me when there none. How foolish.

 _Lafayette smiled. "I'm happy for you. Now go get him."_

 _Hercules smiled, and they embraced._

Oh, but that was so long ago. Hercules never told Aaron how he felt, and his feelings simply just melted away like snow on a warm spring day, but much slower. It had taken him years to get over Aaron. Finally, in their senior year of high school, he had announced that he was finally over Aaron.

And then John clung to his arm and whispered with bright eyes that there was this kid called Thomas. This kid named Thomas who was driving him insane.

They had a short fling, and it ended after a few months when Thomas met James. John was devastated, succumbing to depression. He wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep, barely passing his classes. Hercules drove him to a psychiatrist, Lafayette went with him to physical therapy. Nothing seemed to work. Until for his birthday, when Aaron bought him a box of paints.

He started to bloom. Painting after painting, his canvases crowded his apartment, lined the hallways of the school, displayed on every wall of every art class. Somehow, they made it to a national competition, and he was immediately sought out by people of every race, people from every corner of the world. He became famous, his paintings in every museum, every gallery. He began to recover from Thomas's injury, but he never was fully healed.

That's why he lashed out, punching Tomas all those months ago. He never fully healed. Thomas had broken something irreparable in John's chest. But perhaps Alex could help. Even if he could never truly fix the gaping wound, he could at least smooth the edges and give John another reason to live again.

Oh, but it's so painful, loving a friend. You have to see them every day, you might even live with them! You have to see them being beautiful, being amazing and lovely all the time, but you're not allowed to feel the way you do because friends are not _supposed_ to feel that way about their friends! Their relationship called friendship for a reason, not boyfriends. Friendship wasn't made to include unrequited love, it just doesn't work that way. It'll never work out. He'll never stop loving Hercules because Hercules is there. All. The. Time. Being himself, never giving Lafayette a break.

Lafayette felt tears prick in the corners of his eyes and he pushed them away.

"Suck it up, Laf," he sniffed, "Herc'll never love you, he'll only ever see you as a friend. You'll have to live with it forever, stuck in friendzone level nine-thousand. Just stop crying about it, _you big disgusting baby!"_ and he broke down in a fresh wave of tears.

" _Stop it, stop it, stop it!"_ Lafayette cried, "Tears, why, why must you come at a time like this? In, get in! After all these years you choose to appear _now?_ At such a stupid time like this? Disgusting!"

Lafayette sobbed, his hands pressing against his eyes, trying to force the tears back into his face.

" _Stupid, stupid, stupid! How stupid of you! Goddamn tears, get in, you stupid first-line of immune system defense! Get back in! Curse you, stupid tears!"_ Lafayette cried wetly as he rocked himself on the floor, shaking with the burden of his unrequited love.

Oh, but he loved Hercules. He would never stop loving him, no matter how much it hurt him. If only he could pick and choose who he loved, this stupid crush on Hercules would never have existed! He could have chosen someone like Adrienne, who would love him back, oh, how he longed he had fallen in love with this charismatic, talented blonde instead.

His burden weighed him down as he dragged himself across the floor towards his bed, and when he reached the foot, Lafayette realized that he didn't have the energy to lift himself up. This failure, this indescribably small one, caused him to break out again into fresh sobs, curling himself up onto the floor and screaming into his shirt until his throat burned raw and he cried himself to a miserable sleep.

* * *

Hercules grit his teeth as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, tears stinging the back of his eyes. He sped down the road, John and Alex in the backseat, both strangely silent as if they could sense something wasn't right. Hercules parked the car at a 7-11 and cleared his throat.

"Let's pick up some TP and get out of here pronto," he said roughly.

From the rear-view mirror, he watched John nod nervously and push Alex from the car. When both his friends had exited the truck, Hercules sighed and bowed his head, wanting, at that moment, nothing more than to go home and hug Lafayette, to tell him he was sorry for yelling about Adrienne earlier.

" _You're always with her!" Hercules shouted. "You're always gone!"_

" _I am not!" Lafayette cried. "I'm not always with her! And besides, what's your deal with me hanging out with her?"_

" _I don't trust her!" Hercules snapped. "She seems shady to me."_

" _Oh wow, shady._ Suuuuure," _Lafayette snorted._

" _Yeah, she is! Do you even know anything about her? She could be some sort of… of gangster for all we know!"_

" _Gangster? Don't be stupid!" Lafayette scoffed. "If you even take five minutes of your time to get to know her, it'd be obvious that she's a far cry from being a_ gangster."

" _Well… that was just an example, okay?" Hercules snapped. "I-"_

 _Just then the door knocked. Hercules took a deep breath, and ignoring Lafayette's slitted eyes, went to open it. Who couldn't have made a better time to make an appearance? That's right, it was Goldie Locks herself._

" _I… I came here to study with Gilbert…" Adrienne said, looking nervously at Hercules's murderous face._

" _Sure, whatever," Hercules said gruffly. "He's here. I was just about to leave anyway."_

 _He sidestepped Adrienne and stiffly stalked down to his beat-up truck, driving down idle roads into the sunset, not letting a single forlorn tear drip down his face, now even when that sad love song came on the radio, not even when he started to feel pangs for Aaron again. Not even when dreamt of Lafayette._

"Uh… Hercules?"

Hercules snapped to his senses to find a worried John tapping on his window.

"Hercules… are you going to get out…?" his voice was muffled and distorted.

"Uh-yeah. Was just about to," Hercules said, sliding out of the truck and into the cold parking lot. "Let's go."

They walked into the store, John and Alex zipping right towards the toilet papers and grabbing bundles of them, giggling to themselves excitedly like small children. Hercules sighed tiredly and rubbed the back of his neck. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder.

A thin, tall boy was standing behind him, a cup of half-melted slushie in his hands. He was swishing the drink around methodically, and his dark eyes seemed to cut Hercules to the bone, stripping away everything. His dark hair was messy and looked as it had been, in a few places, clumped with… was that blood? Then Hercules noticed the faint purple bruise on his chin.

"Uh… can I help you?" Hercules said politely, a little freaked out by this strange kid.

The slushy-boy grinned, his eyes dark and troubled. "Something up? You look like you're about to kill yourself."

Hercules looked away quickly. "I'm fine."

The kid took a long sip from his cup, looking at Hercules from the corner of his eye the whole time.

"Take a sip," the boy offered, holding his cup out to Hercules.

"Um," Hercules said, "no thanks, man. I think I'm good."

"No," the boy said, his eyes dancing dangerously in the fluorescent lighting of the store, "I insist. Drink."

"Look, man, no thanks." Hercules said, starting to feel really uncomfortable.

The boy's face twisted into a leer. "I insist. Drink!"

"Ah, no man, what's your damage?" Hercules snapped.

The boy froze at the word "damaged."

"Damaged?" He whispered. "I am damaged, far too damaged. But you're not beyond repair. Stick around here, make things better. 'Cause you beat me fair and square."

Then the boy laughed. "I'll tell you my damage: I've been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry. No point planting roots cause you're gone in a hurry. My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it's only a matter of when."

Hercules bit his lip, feeling uncomfortable, but also enthralled. He boy's piercing eyes studied him carefully.

"I don't learn the names, don't bother with faces. All I can trust is this concrete oasis. Seems ev'ry time I'm about to despair, there's a 7-11 right there!"

Hercules was very uncomfortable and he twisted his hands together, slowly inching away from this mystery boy.

"Each store is the same from Las Vegas to Boston, linoleum aisles that I love to get lost in! I pray at my altar of slush; yeah I live for that sweet frozen rush…" the mystery kid whispered, swishing his slushie around, a small and creepy smile emerging from those lifeless lips.

Hercules gulped.

"Freeze your brain, suck on that straw, get lost in the pain! Happiness comes when everything numbs. Who needs cocaine? Freeze your brain… Care for a hit?"

Hercule snorted. "Does your mommy know you eat all this crap?"

The boy glanced away and his smile disappeared. "Not anymore. When mom was alive, we lived halfway normal. But now it's just me and my dad; we're less formal. I learned to cook pasta I learned to pay rent; learned the world doesn't owe you a cent."

Hercules bit his lip. "Aw, man, I'm sorry-"

"But the sky's gonna hurt when it falls, so you better start building some walls…" the boy cut in.

Hercules's insides squirmed as he thought of Lafayette. _I don't need to build any more walls when we've got an orange maniac building them for us._

"Freeze your brain, swim in the ice, get lost in the pain. Shut your eyes tight, till you vanish from sight, let nothing remain-freeze your brain. Shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain! Forget who you are, unburden your load. Forget in six weeks you'll be back on the road. When the voice in your head says you're better off dead, don't open a vein-"

Hercules though inexplicably of John all those years ago, heartbroken and lifeless.

"-Just freeze your brain," the boy whispered, "Freeze your brain… Go on and freeze your brain… _Try it."_

Hercules grabbed the cup and was about the take a sip before he heard John's shout.

"Hercules, what the _fuck_ are you doing?"

* * *

 **Hey, waddup m'dudes? I'm sorry this took so long, but you know, my life's v busy now with finals next week… ugh, not excited. I'm not really into this story anymore, as you may know, so I'll just finish writing it and I'mma probably disappear forever. Thanks for sticking around! I'm guessing maybe five more chapters and then I'll be free, and the story will be over! WOOOOOOO**


	29. The End (discontinued)

Hey… sorry. I think I'm going to discontinue this work. I'm not into Hamilton at ALL anymore, and I cringe when I read any work of fiction (oh god, including my own) from this fandom. I really don't think I can continue writing this. I don't really like writing anymore, though there's one fandom where I do make acceptances. It's an anime called My Hero Academia, and I highly recommend it to anyone who's willing to watch it. AND HECKING 10,000 PLUS VIEWS? YALL ARE CARZY, READING TRASH LIKE THIS! WTF? THANK YOU? Ahem, back to the main point. Yeah, I think my fic has been dragging out for too long, and since I know I'm not going to finish it, I'll just tell you all what was supposed to happen in the end. I'll put the plotline down for y'all to see.

They trash Jefferson's place.

The four of them ward off James Reynolds, who is furious about Maria's new girlfriend, Peggy.

Eliza calls him and quietly tells Alexander that she misses him and hasn't heard from him in a while. Alex feels bad and suggests that they go to the park.

Alexander and Eliza sit by the lake, Eliza feeling a bit sad, and she asks him why he doesn't like her anymore. Alexander is shocked and exclaims that yes, he does like her. Eliza starts crying and denies it, she shouts at him and asks him that if he really did like her, why did he abandon her. Alexander gets upset and grabs her hands. He tells her that he didn't mean to abandon her and he never will again. Eliza kisses him and then runs away.

Alexander is very confused, and wonders if he likes Laurens on Eliza. Laurens notices that something is wrong and questions Alexander. He can see that Alexander is so completely miserable and holds him until they fall asleep.

Alex wakes up early in the morning and gets up and roams around until he is attracted by some whispers coming from Mulligan's dorm. Mulligan and Lafayette are talking and flirting.

Alexander gets a text from Eliza around eight and he rushes out to meet her in the coffee shop.

Laurens wakes up and he can't find Alex, he panics and they search the dorms. Laurens jumps on his motorcycle and searches all over town. He finally finds Alexander in the coffee shop and is about to run up to him when he sees Eliza lean over and kiss him.

Alexander breaks apart and notices John, standing there, looking so lost and heart-broken. John runs out and Eliza, furious, accuses Hamilton of loving John and never liking her. She also runs out, tears in her eyes.

Alexander doesn't know where to go and ends up in the park near the lake where he and Eliza sat. He falls asleep.

He has nowhere to go, and finally decides to go to the dorm room. He knocks on John's door, and a crying Laurens opens it and stares at him for a second, then he slams it closed again.

Hamilton tries Mulligan's, and they let him in, but they are not happy and actually very mad at him. Lafayette demands why he would play John. Hamilton defends himself by saying that he was helpless. Mulligan asks Hamilton if he knows how much pain he has caused Laurens.

John then appears and shoves Hamilton's stuff at him. Hamilton takes it and quietly leaves, without protest. It rains as he walks back to his small apartment, and he has just arrived when it turns into a full-blown storm, even more terrible than the last time.

John panics and cries and worries about Hamilton, but he is still so hurt, and doesn't know whether he should go see and check on him or not. Mulligan and Lafayette are also worried, but they do not discuss Hamilton with Laurens.

Alexander wraps himself up and smothers himself with blankets, and he has nightmares and more nightmares and screams and cries and wants John to be there to hold him, to help him.

The third day, John feels what seems to be an explosion, and a few minutes later in the news, learns that a huge shock of lightning blasted the area right next to Hamilton's apartment. He also hears that the building is starting to fall apart and the reporter issues an evacuation of the nearby buildings.

John jumps on his motorcycle and races towards Alex's apartment. The building is starting to crumble and he runs to Alex's door. When Alex doesn't answer, John breaks down the door. He grabs Alexander and Alex's computer bag and helps him stumble along to his motorcycle. They drive back to the dorms.

John and Alexander arrive and Lafayette and Mulligan race down and hug them. Lafayette tells them that Hercules and him suspected that John was going after Alexander, and they were so worried.

John moves Alexander's stuff back to his room and he tends to Alexander. When he wakes up the next morning, Alexander is a little better, even though the storm is a full-blast outside.

John is now reserved around Alex because Alexander is kind of back to normal. Hamilton can't stand it because he realizes how much he loves Laurens, and he starts begging and apologizing and crying so hard. But then John is also crying so hard to they are hugging so tightly that it hurts, and then Alexander kisses Laurens. Hamilton tells Laurens that he loves him.

Laurens and Alexander cuddle up in a fort that mimics Hercules's and Lafayette's and fall asleep. When they wake up, the storm has almost passed.

Hamilton begs Lafayette and Hercules to forgive him, and they do. They find out that the storm has destroyed parts King's College, and school is out for the rest of the year until they can rebuild it.

Hamilton comes to amens with Eliza, and she officially meets Laurens for the first time. They laugh talk and both realize the other person isn't so bad.

Laurens gives Hamilton a beautiful portrait of a landscape and on the back of the canvas, he scribbles, "I love you too."

Lafayette throws an end-of-the-year-but-not-really party, and they all get drunk again and Mulligan finally works up the courage and kisses Lafayette. They all jump into the pool and splash around. Laurens and Hamilton flirt the whole time and Hamilton finally asks Laurens out, who of course, accepts.

The next day, they walk through the park and Hamilton looks at all the people and wonders about who lives, who dies, and who tells their story. He smiles to himself and notices that his own story has changed, thanks to John. Alexander realizes that he has written John to be a part of his narrative, and that he never wants to stop adding chapters to his life.

 **THE END**

It's so fucking cringy I want to die.

Thank you for sticking around.

Adios.


End file.
